I've always been in a loving relationship with my bf for the past one year. We're BFF to each other + soul mate + lovers + buddies ... & plan to get married and have a future family. I'm emigrating to be with him in Singapore soon in 2 months, ending the LDR.
2 days ago on Thursday, we "accidentally" quarrelled on WhatsApp due to misunderstanding. For the first time ever, he's ignoring me coz he's feeling pissed off, while I also ignored him coz I felt pissed off with him too. We're on cold war for 2 days already.
I just found out when I asked my friend what went wrong. Yeah, he misinterpreted what I was trying to say (he focused on the 2nd part of message), while I misunderstood what he was angry about (I focused on the 1st part of message).
He and I both have some past wounds and fears, which we're helping each other to recover and heal, but those wrong interpretations triggered them off. We "finally" misunderstood each other despite a whole year of communicating 3-10 hours per day since Day 1 of the relationship.
& the day before, on Wednesday, he just texted me to say he missed me though he was attending his class (Master's degree), and he called me after his class ended...
& 2 days ago, on Tuesday, I told him I got the job offer & would be emigrating to be with him, finally...
& 3 days before, on Monday, he just sent me some romantic love songs and said he missed me a lot listening to the lyrics. We listened to the songs together for about 2 hours.
& many more sweet memories.
Sigh.
I just wrote an email to him to explain what we both misunderstood about. Luckily, I'm a language and communication major, yet... sometimes, misunderstanding is unavoidable. Now I finally have a taste of how it feels like to quarrel and go on cold war with my beloved one. It sucks & hurts badly inside.
***
& luckily, we both are smart enough to have a Plan B, just in case we quarrel one day... though I thought we would never (lovey-dovey couple ma~~ ).
I have my secret weapon to help me cope with this pain of his withdrawal, coz many months ago, I told him,
"Know what, I have my secret diary about us. In case we quarrel one day, I will read it and remind myself how much you love and care for me. Then I will focus on the 999 things you have done right, and forgive the 1 thing you have done wrongly. Love you."
He then replied, "You're really a treasure. No wonder I love you."
Then, in another month, while we're physically together, I asked him, "Will we ever quarrel one day?"
He said, "Yes, any normal relationships will have quarrels eventually."
I asked him, "What will you do then if we quarrel?"
He said, "We'll solve it together after cooling down, and then have lots of make up sex after that."
I was like.... that time. Shy shy~
***
Anyway, here are the lessons learnt:
1. Discuss one serious topic at any one time. Men can only solve issues one at a time, unlike women. Women see the problems as connecting dots and process them fast based on emotions, but men cannot coz they are rational thinkers. They need to think & work on the solutions for each issue, step by step, and this takes time = cannot bombard men with too many problems at once & expect answers/ solutions immediately (no matter how anxious/ worried women feel).
2. It's always good to have a contingency plan in case quarrels happen. I'm glad he and I have prepared it long ago... before we finally quarrelled.
3. Men need time and space when they are in bad mood... till they recover.
4. Always good to have trusted friends to advise, and they should know your relationship development well enough to do so.
I emailed him and explained to him what had happened, apologised... & it's up to him when he wanna contact me again.
***
What I wish would happen next:
I miss him a lot. Want him to text me again. Then we voice-call/ video-call. I'll be flying to Singapore to do the required medical check up in 2 weeks' time. He knows the dates and arrangement. Hopefully, he'll meet me up and we'll make it up to each other. Want him to hug me tightly and kiss me deeply, like he always does.
Such a torture. Now I know why people post in Cupid's Corner. We all face relationship issues once in a while, and then post them on forum past midnight/ at dawn coz of insomnia.
This post has been edited by Ralna: Sep 9 2017, 02:52 AM
Finally the first quarrel happened, after a year of loving relationship