QUOTE(Da Mon Sta @ Sep 6 2017, 08:53 AM)
I'm been with J for almost 2 years, but somehow when I start thinking about the future and is she the one I wanna marry, I seem to lean towards a no.
We've been getting along ok so far, arguements are minimal. We can even go for overseas trip together.
Not sure is it just because I still not mature enough to think about marriage or is it because I think I'm so opposite of her.
I manage my money properly while she sucks at money management yet not hesitant to spend (her own money).
I like walking and exploring during holidays while she prefers a more comfortable style of holiday like not willing stay cheap accommodation and prefer shopping (but I guess it's a girl thing to have shopping as part of the holiday itinerary?)
I'm the plan ahead kind of person, have a to-do-list to fill my weekends while she basically is a lazy person and just sit around surfing the net all day.
Yes she never say no to me for pursuing my hobby or interest, but at the same time she never really ask me about it or try to know more about it. While I on the other hand, have no idea what is her interest as she just play phone and when she talks to me, its only about her workplace and colleagues. She has no particular passion or hobby so there's really no such thing as doing something we both enjoy together, she has to be persuaded to go gym or go jog with me, or when I propose some activities like badminton or bowling, she would just say ok she'll accompany me but she don't join.
I guess the reason we made it thus far is because we're good at tolerating each other? Like me accepting she likes branded stuff eventhough she's broke as long as she don't ask me to buy for her and her accepting my style of holiday itinerary as long as the room is decent and i allocated a day for shopping. But what I wonder is how long can these tolerance last before one day either one of us don't wanna tolerate anymore? What if one day I woke up and rather have someone with closer ideology to spend the rest of my life with.
She isn't like my other crushes I previously had which I was so infatuated and get nervous the first time we met. Tbh she was just someone whom I think, "ok I've been single for so long, she seems ok, why not just try it out and see where this goes". And I also believe its roughly the same for her, I think I'm not really her type but since she's also single for so long why not try it out. So I guess there no such thing as trying to rekindle a spark.
Or maybe this is what marriage is like? Me minding my own business and she minding hers, as long as we can tolerate each other then life goes on?
Just looking for some opinions and advise here, not judgement.
From ur situation, i think u r not ready for marriage yet..deep in you heart, you still doubting whether ur relationship will work out for both of u or not..my advise ts, take ur time..
In my culture, i bet most of malaysian now have the same perception, once u pass 30, n not yet married, people will judge u as too choosy..if girl, even worse, no sense of motherhood, not feminine enuff and bla..bla..bla..
When a girl, working and stay single for a long time,>3 years, they see that they have a right to go YOLO..spending all the money for themselves, to please herself..in her case, like most women, failed to do financial planning if they dont see the commitment they need to save for..thats why sometimes u see, a girl will spend like crazy before her wedding but once she become a mother n wife, she can properly plan for the groceries budget, kid's saving and others..
Maybe since she did not see the marriage(between u and her) will come around and thus, she does not feel any obligation to save some money..but on the other hand..she is a big spender too😂
Have u ever hang out with her friend?maybe her friend can help u in enjoying thing that both of u can do together..her habit of having shopping vacay, comfort luxury is shaping by her environment..some people when get an opportunity to try new experience(spend a night in a campsite), only realise that, they actually can leave all the comfort offered by hotel room...but don't go too extreme...start small and try to guide her to be more open..
About playing phone and conversation..maybe u need to initiate a lot of topics like discussing about the life after marriage..fashion..food..movie and other girl stuffs..at the same time, just tell her indirectly about your interest like sport, buying house..etc..since u already know she sometimes having a prob with her financial, a topic like hey, u want to opt for cheaper vacation or buying new adidas shoes got 1/2 discount might be helpful...anything that she can see as, i get that but more cheaper~
Anyway, some people believe about spark things between u nnur partner, but as for me, if i feel comfortable with someone even there is no spark/butterfly effect, i will go with that..maybe u guys still in a friendly phase and maybe marriage is not even in her mind yet..so u might want to choose either to start discussing about marriage or just enjoy the current moment..
Anyway, goodluck with that and appreciate people that treasure u in their life😘