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Advice Wanted Confused, Women, what do you think?

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TSSasuke95
post Aug 20 2017, 12:17 AM, updated 7y ago

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Case 1:

Few months ago, I ended my pursue and implied that we're together.
So one day, she told me she's sick, so I decided to surprise her by showing up in her house with some little presents and a herbal tea I made.
Her reaction was more to shocked rather than positive reaction, we did spent a few hours sitting close to each other, had a fun conversation, she finished the herbal tea I made.
I never expect that was the last day we met each other, she never go out with me anymore, she kept giving excuses to avoid outing.

Case 2:

Few weeks ago, I pursued another girl, we went out a lot of times already, we acted like couple sometimes, but tbh I can't be sure what's the progress now.
So one day she's very upset, I decided to surprise her by showing up in her house without prior notice with the purpose of bringing her out to relax.
She became more upset after that, she told me outright she doesn't like someone find her without prior notice, the outing didn't make it, I let her go back to her house.


So... women said "I want a guy who can give surprises", something like that, are all lies? At this point I think I won't do such thing anymore since there's 2 bad cases already.

I want to hear opinions, women's opinion will have more weight, despite both cases happened long ago, I'm still analyzing it and I can't figure out the answer, maybe I'm dumb, I don't know, please help.
pspslim007
post Aug 20 2017, 12:44 AM

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learn from your mistakes. Well at least you found yours. Mine on the other hand was given a cold treatment. So yeah you have the question to your problem. While i have to figure out mine. And you were given a better hand than i am. For my case Its my gf well ex gf (Wrote a broke up note via fb i know its silly but hey embrace tech rather than fight against it). But long story short, we used to text alot everyday, and now just grown from 2 text a day, to no good nights or good mornings, to no video calls, to no voice calls, and i had to keep guessing what did i do wrong to her. And eventually i tried to share my feelings and thoughts (with frustration). And i come to realization that theres no point to be frustrated on something that you cant control, but only to learn from whatever mistakes you did. So yeah what advice you should take is that learn from your mistakes and try to make alot of them. And i am sure the real deal would appreciate once you found the right 1. And here i am babbling about the right one. Well i guess i will just have to take whatever good memories i had with her and move on with life :3.

I hope you read the message that i wrote, but even if she doesnt, i have no regrets and i appreciate her love. :3
Mikeshashimi
post Aug 20 2017, 10:19 AM

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They're just not that into you. That's why they didnt appreciate your "surprises". It's really that simple.
Randomization
post Aug 20 2017, 10:45 AM

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Your case is because it is not a firm relationship yet.

Still considering.
pml_318
post Aug 20 2017, 11:38 AM

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Happy Surprise: give them something they want by guessing, hints given or based on how well u know her, it shows the level of thoughtfulness u have for her

Sad Surprise: u gave them what they dislike thinking that they might or should like it and yet still wonder why they still angry after showing u their disapproval

Hope u realize by now laugh.gif
TSSasuke95
post Aug 20 2017, 12:24 PM

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QUOTE(pspslim007 @ Aug 20 2017, 12:44 AM)
learn from your mistakes. Well at least you found yours. Mine on the other hand was given a cold treatment. So yeah you have the question to your problem. While i have to figure out mine. And you were given a better hand than i am. For my case Its my gf well ex gf (Wrote a broke up note via fb i know its silly but hey embrace tech rather than fight against it). But long story short, we used to text alot everyday, and now just grown from 2 text a day, to no good nights or good mornings, to no video calls, to no voice calls, and i had to keep guessing what did i do wrong to her. And eventually i tried to share my feelings and thoughts (with frustration). And i come to realization that theres no point to be frustrated on something that you cant control, but only to learn from whatever mistakes you did. So yeah what advice you should take is that learn from your mistakes and try to make alot of them. And i am sure the real deal would appreciate once you found the right 1. And here i am babbling about the right one. Well i guess i will just have to take whatever good memories i had with her and move on with life :3.

I hope you read the message that i wrote, but even if she doesnt, i have no regrets and i appreciate her love. :3
*
yeah learn from mistake, i won't ever try to give surprises again, to give notice IS A MUST before going to someone's house, lel.
TSSasuke95
post Aug 20 2017, 12:25 PM

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QUOTE(Mikeshashimi @ Aug 20 2017, 10:19 AM)
They're just not that into you. That's why they didnt appreciate your "surprises". It's really that simple.
*
Hmm... maybe it's really that simple, wonder why most of the time people won't fall deeper for me.
TSSasuke95
post Aug 20 2017, 12:29 PM

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QUOTE(Randomization @ Aug 20 2017, 10:45 AM)
Your case is because it is not a firm relationship yet.

Still considering.
*
I thought of that too, so I called my close friend and asked him.
He's been a few years with his gf.
He told me he never did what I did too, he always give notice before visiting, the surprise is given during the visit.
TSSasuke95
post Aug 20 2017, 12:32 PM

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QUOTE(pml_318 @ Aug 20 2017, 11:38 AM)
Happy Surprise: give them something they want by guessing, hints given or based on how well u know her, it shows the level of thoughtfulness u have for her

Sad Surprise: u gave them what they dislike thinking that they might or should like it and yet still wonder why they still angry after showing u their disapproval

Hope u realize by now laugh.gif
*
I didn't try to give anything, I simply visit her house out of the blue with the intention of bringing her out on the spot, and that triggered her, lel.

I don't know anymore, I will just have to never repeat this kind of move ever again, give notice is important.

Despite I know what I should do by now, I still don't know the reason behind, my common sense is not that good in some parts in life, where I see it to be normal while others cannot accept it. I wish to hear more inputs regarding the reason for the negative reaction.
chiahau
post Aug 20 2017, 12:39 PM

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Case 2 : She's probably seeing someone else and don't want you to show up at her front door unannounced.

In fact, I'm pretty close to some friends but I'd never show up to their doorsteps unless I gave a proper heads up.

It's called courtesy. You can choose to surprise her, but not everyone like surprises one.
pml_318
post Aug 20 2017, 01:06 PM

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QUOTE(Sasuke95 @ Aug 20 2017, 12:32 PM)
I didn't try to give anything, I simply visit her house out of the blue with the intention of bringing her out on the spot, and that triggered her, lel.

I don't know anymore, I will just have to never repeat this kind of move ever again, give notice is important.

Despite I know what I should do by now, I still don't know the reason behind, my common sense is not that good in some parts in life, where I see it to be normal while others cannot accept it. I wish to hear more inputs regarding the reason for the negative reaction.
*
Ok i think i better give u straight answer:
1. Yes u don't pay enough attention to their need/wants
2. Yes u only think and act from your point of view
3. No is not about common sense but personal/individual

But if u r a play boy looking forward to a set of common courtship method, just buy them expensive gift, works commonly laugh.gif


pml_318
post Aug 20 2017, 01:09 PM

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QUOTE(Sasuke95 @ Aug 20 2017, 12:24 PM)
yeah learn from mistake, i won't ever try to give surprises again, to give notice IS A MUST before going to someone's house, lel.
*
No, next time u might met someone who wants u to show up at her doorstep without a courtesy call laugh.gif
lamevivi
post Aug 20 2017, 01:22 PM

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Eh bro. U not their bf and u already give surprises like these. Of course they think of u as someone creepy and scary leh. Total turnoff man. And also u threw them off their game when u suddenly appear out of no where. Give them time to dress up, mentally prepared, etc by giving a courtesy call.

Your surprises of suddenly turn up works only when u are together with a girl and that is also depending if she's ready to leave the house or properly dressed up. Don't do so extreme stuff la or not u will turn up creepy. But all this depends on diff ppl. Some girls really like these, but some totally loathe these. But if the girl is not your gf, pls heed my advice

This post has been edited by lamevivi: Aug 20 2017, 01:23 PM
pspslim007
post Aug 20 2017, 02:51 PM

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QUOTE(Sasuke95 @ Aug 20 2017, 12:24 PM)
yeah learn from mistake, i won't ever try to give surprises again, to give notice IS A MUST before going to someone's house, lel.
*
thats ma boi, at least u are able to take this lesson in a positive way. Well theres plenty fishes in the sea. Yes they are limited edition, but u gotta choose the best fish too am i right, just dont get those sardine and go big for those colossal squids or even whales ! hahaha
Mikeshashimi
post Aug 20 2017, 07:00 PM

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QUOTE(Sasuke95 @ Aug 20 2017, 12:25 PM)
Hmm... maybe it's really that simple, wonder why most of the time people won't fall deeper for me.
*
You come off too desperate and too ready bro...
RUI
post Aug 20 2017, 09:54 PM

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One of the few useful skills to have...

The ability to put yourself in others shoe. To feel how they feel. To understand what they want...

P.S. that doesn't equate being pussywhip. That's doesn't equate asking for approval. That's understanding. That's thoughtfulness. That's depth.
siew14
post Aug 21 2017, 01:22 AM

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QUOTE(Sasuke95 @ Aug 20 2017, 12:17 AM)
Case 1:

Few months ago, I ended my pursue and implied that we're together.
So one day, she told me she's sick, so I decided to surprise her by showing up in her house with some little presents and a herbal tea I made.
Her reaction was more to shocked rather than positive reaction, we did spent a few hours sitting close to each other, had a fun conversation, she finished the herbal tea I made.
I never expect that was the last day we met each other, she never go out with me anymore, she kept giving excuses to avoid outing.

Case 2:

Few weeks ago, I pursued another girl, we went out a lot of times already, we acted like couple sometimes, but tbh I can't be sure what's the progress now.
So one day she's very upset, I decided to surprise her by showing up in her house without prior notice with the purpose of bringing her out to relax.
She became more upset after that, she told me outright she doesn't like someone find her without prior notice, the outing didn't make it, I let her go back to her house.
So... women said "I want a guy who can give surprises", something like that, are all lies? At this point I think I won't do such thing anymore since there's 2 bad cases already.

I want to hear opinions, women's opinion will have more weight, despite both cases happened long ago, I'm still analyzing it and I can't figure out the answer, maybe I'm dumb, I don't know, please help.
*
case 1 = implied that we're together means what? how long you guys know each other? for me, your "surprise" is creepy af

case 2 = same as case 1. creepy af. you think both of you are couple, thats a bad move yo. u need to be clear, as in, pop the question and she acknowledges it.

put it this way, unless both of you are super close, or acknowledged both of you are couple, surprises can be = creepy you know?
TSSasuke95
post Aug 21 2017, 06:22 AM

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QUOTE(chiahau @ Aug 20 2017, 12:39 PM)
Case 2 : She's probably seeing someone else and don't want you to show up at her front door unannounced.

In fact, I'm pretty close to some friends but I'd never show up to their doorsteps unless I gave a proper heads up.

It's called courtesy. You can choose to surprise her, but not everyone like surprises one.
*
I'll remember to give notice for the rest of my life thumbsup.gif
TSSasuke95
post Aug 21 2017, 06:27 AM

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QUOTE(pml_318 @ Aug 20 2017, 01:06 PM)
Ok i think i better give u straight answer:
1. Yes u don't pay enough attention to their need/wants
2. Yes u only think and act from your point of view
3. No is not about common sense but personal/individual

But if u r a play boy looking forward to a set of common courtship method, just buy them expensive gift, works commonly laugh.gif
*
"Less is more" is a better approach I guess, most women I knew preferred to be left alone whenever they're upset.
I won't bother to try and "fix" them anymore
TSSasuke95
post Aug 21 2017, 06:30 AM

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QUOTE(lamevivi @ Aug 20 2017, 01:22 PM)
Eh bro. U not their bf and u already give surprises like these. Of course they think of u as someone creepy and scary leh. Total turnoff man. And also u threw them off their game when u suddenly appear out of no where. Give them time to dress up, mentally prepared, etc by giving a courtesy call.

Your surprises of suddenly turn up works only when u are together with a girl and that is also depending if she's ready to leave the house or properly dressed up. Don't do so extreme stuff la or not u will turn up creepy. But all this depends on diff ppl. Some girls really like these, but some totally loathe these. But if the girl is not your gf, pls heed my advice
*
Yeah you're right, I guess my common sense is lacking in some way, didn't expect this matter to be considered extreme.
Moreover she's not even my gf, I should avoid doing more, I'll remember your advice

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