volunteer, if you can't afford to go see a therapist, find the nearest NGO near you and volunteer.

it's hard to find a purpose, one must create a purpose.

when u have the thought of suicide, you're deciding on whether life is worth living or not. (paraphrasing albert camus)
therapy/talking to someone can help one sort out those thoughts. or you must ACTIVELY decide to live.

in my darkest time, i had everything ready, as well as jumping to a volunteer option. that latter option saved me.

helping others create meaning and purpose, it reminds me how privileged i am to be able to help others and how these people depended on me. now, even when the weakest hour arrive, i can't think of suicide as an option anymore because there's a community that i'm attached to, that i needed to help.

hope this helps you too.