"When I've got nothing better to do, I look down the league table to see how Everton are getting along." - Bill Shankly

"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." - Bill Shankly

"This city has two great teams - Liverpool and Liverpool reserves." - Bill Shankly

"If a player isn't interfering with play or seeking to gain an advantage, then he should be!" - Bill Shankly

"I was only in the game for the love of football -- and I wanted to bring back happiness to the people of Liverpool." - Bill Shankly

"If Everton were playing down the bottom of my garden, I'd draw the curtains." - Bill Shankly

"We murdered them 0-0." - Bill Shankly

"Fire in your belly comes from pride and passion in wearing the red shirt. We don't need to motivate players because each of them is responsible for the performance of the team as a whole. The status of Liverpool's players keeps them motivated." - Bill Shankly

"Of course I didn't take my wife to see Rochdale as an anniversary present. It was her birthday. Would I have got married in the football season? Anyway, it was Rochdale reserves." - Bill Shankly

Bill Shankly to Tommy Smith, who tried to explain that his bandaged knee was injured :
"Take that bandage off. And what do you mean about YOUR knee? It's Liverpool's knee!"

Bill Shankly about the "This is Anfield" plaque :
"It's there to remind our lads who they're playing for, and to remind the opposition who they're playing against."

Bill Shankly to Alan Ball, who'd just signed for Everton :
"Don't worry, Alan. At least you'll be able to play close to a great team!"

Bill Shankly to a barber when asked if he wanted anything off the top :
"Aye, Everton."

Bill Shankly after beating Everton in the '71 cup semi :
"Sickness would not have kept me away from this one. If I'd been dead, I would have had them bring the casket to the ground, prop it up in the stands and cut a hole in the lid."

"There's not a club in Europe with an anthem like You'll Never Walk Alone. I sat there watching and they sent shivers down my spine. A mass of 40,000 people became 1 force behind their team. For that I admire LFC more than anything." - Johan Cruyff

"Mind you, I've been here during the bad times too - one year we came second." - Bob Paisley

"Liverpool are magic, Everton are tragic." - Emelyn Hughes

"It was like playing in a foreign country." - Ian Rush on his time with Juventus in Italy

"Should the aggregate score be level after 90 minutes, extra time will be played." - Fulham's matchday programme for the second leg of the Littlewoods Cup tie in 1986-87. Liverpool were 10-0 up from the first leg

"He couldn't play anyway. I only wanted him for the reserve team!" - Bill Shankly upon hearing Celtic's Lou Macari had snubbed Liverpool in favour of a move to Manchester United."

"I don't believe everything Bill tells me about his players. Had they been that good, they'd not only have won the European Cup but the Ryder Cup, the Boat Race and even the Grand National!" - Celtic manager Jock Stein on Bill Shankly

On awaiting Everton's arrival for a derby game at Anfield, Bill Shankly gave a box of toilet rolls to the doorman and said: "Give them these when they arrive - they'll need them!"

"We don't destroy our heroes today when we worshipped them yesterday." - Gerard Houllier.

"These players are my true heroes." - Gerard Houllier

"When I see the Bill Shankly statue, I look at the sentiment on the base. It says: 'He made the people happy'. Well now the modern Liverpool is making the fans and the city happy. And that makes me so proud." - Gerard Houllier

"Chairman Mao has never seen a greater show of red strength." - Bill Shankly

"The English club proved that miracles really do exist. I've now made Liverpool my English team. They showed that football is the most beautiful sport of all. The Liverpool supporters didn't let me go to sleep the night before, there were 10 of them to every three Milan supporters. They showed their unconditional support at half-time when they were losing 3-0 and still they didn't stop singing." - World Cup legend Diego Maradona who was cheering for Liverpool in Istanbul.

"We were sitting in the dressing room and we could clearly hear thousands of fans singing You'll Never Walk Alone. Can you imagine how that felt? We were 3-0 down in the Champions League final and all we could hear were 45,000 people letting us know they still believed in us. We knew they had endured a long journey and made so many sacrifices to be there. It was at that point we started to believe too." - Luis Garcia on what inspired the amazing comeback in Istanbul.

"Liverpool's fans are just amazing. The best feeling I have at away games is Anfield. It is just incredible. I love it. You get goose bumps when you see their supporters sing You'll Never Walk Alone." - Arsenal and France star Thierry Henry.

"I was the best manager in Britain because I was never devious or cheated anyone. I'd break my wife's legs if I played against her, but I'd never cheat her." - Bill Shankly

Masterclass from Rafa

LMAO! Someone buy him a dictionary for this next birthday. I vaguely remember the one where he boasted about being intelligent for intentionally picking up a booking to get himself suspended for the next game.

"I never make predictions, and I never will" - Paul Gascoigne

"He actually looks a little twat, that Totti" - Ron Atkinson

"That boy throws a ball further than I go on holiday" - Ron Atkinson on Dave Challinor of Tranmere.

"The keeper should have saved that one but he did" - Ron Atkinson

"The Spaniards have been reduced to aiming aimless balls into the box" - Ron Atkinson

"If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half time, it was concentration and focus" - Ron Atkinson

"I would not say David Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better" - Ron Atkinson

"Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's. Movement and positioning" - Ron Atkinson

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Added on March 15, 2007, 3:50 pmMore funnies from "Big Ron"

"Woodcock would have scored, but his shot was too perfect"

"Someone in the England team will have to grab the ball by the horns"

"He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate"

"I think that was a moment of cool panic there"

"Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs"

"Chelsea look like they've got a couple more gears left in the locker"

"Now Manchester United are 2-1 down on aggregate, they are in a better position than when they started the game at 1-1"

"Zero-zero is a big score"

"He was lightning slow"

"Tony Adams - He's a rock that the team has grown from"

"A ten foot keeper really should have stopped that"

"The keeper was unsighted - he still didn't see it"

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Added on March 15, 2007, 3:51 pmFunnies from Dave Basset

"You have got to miss them to score sometimes"

"It's been two ends of the same coin"

"We are now entering a new Millennium and football's a completely different cup of tea"

"Okon was booked for tackling Hamann's tackle"

"Obviously for Scunthorpe it would be a nice scalp to put Wimbledon on their bottoms"

"And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley unless somebody knocks us out"

"It would be foolish to believe that automatic promotion is automatic in any way whatsoever"

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Added on March 15, 2007, 3:53 pmMore Beckham funnies

"Pele was a complete player. I didn't see him live obviously, because I wasn't born"

"I remember so clearly us going into hospital so Victoria could have Brooklyn. I was eating a Lion bar at the time"

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had"

"We're definitely going to get Brooklyn christened, but we don't know into which religion"

"I always used to go for blondes and quiet girls, but Victoria is the total opposite - dark and loud"


This post has been edited by Duke Red: Mar 15 2007, 03:53 PM

More John Motson funnies

"Its Arsenal 0 - Everton 1, and the longer it stays like that the more you've got to fancy Everton"

"And what a time to score. 22 minutes gone"

"It's a football stadium on the truest sense of the word"

"Actually, none of the player are wearing earrings, Kjeldberg, with his contact lenses is the closest we can get"

"Middlesbrough are withdrawing Maccarone the Italian, Nemeth the Slovakian and Stockdale the right back"

"I can't fault Mark Palios too highly"

"Brazil - they're so good it's like they are running round the pitch playing with themselves"

"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all yellow strip"

"The World Cup is a truly International event"

"The goals made such a difference to the way this game went"

"That shot might not have been as good as it might have been"

"The match has become quite unpredictable, but it still looks as though Arsenal will win the cup"

"Not the first half you might have expected, even though the score might suggest that it was"

Hilarious Harry Redknapp quotes!

"Even when they had Moore, Hurst and Peters, West Ham's average finish was about 17th. It just shows how crap the other 8 of us were"

"With the foreign players it's more difficult. Most of them don't even bother with the golf, they don't want to go racing. They don't even drink"

"Samassi Abou don't speak the English too good"

"Dani is so good-looking I don't know whether to play him or f*ck him"

"Hartson's got more previous than Jack the Ripper"

"By the look of him he must have headed a lot of balls" - Harry Redknapp about the lovely Iain Dowie

Bobby Robson howlers

"He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him"

"In a year's time, he's a year older"

"Home advantage gives you an advantage"

"The margin is very marginal"

"Daft as a brush"
- On Paul Gascoigne.

"I'm not going to look beyond the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final"

"There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose"

"We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought"

"They're two points behind us, so we're neck and neck"

"I'd say he's the best in Europe, if you put me on the fence"

"Tottenham have impressed me: they haven't thrown in the towel even though they have been under the gun"

"If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won't lay any eggs in the basket"

"I would have given my right arm to be a pianist"

"I do want to play the short ball and I do want to play the long ball. I think long and short balls is what football is all about"

"Their football was exceptionally good - and they played some good football"

"We used to have Shaka Hislop on our books but I've never heard of Shakira. Is she a singer?"
- On learning that Shakira was staying in the same Barcelona hotel as his players in November.

"For a player to ask for a transfer has opened everybody's eyebrows"

Terry Venables

"It was never part of our plans not to play well, it just happened that way"

"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored"

"It may have been going wide, but nevertheless it was a great shot on target"

"They didn't change positions, they just moved the players around"

"There are two ways of getting the ball. One is from your own team-mates, and that's the only way"

Kevin Keegan Classics

"The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game"

"England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second to none"

"I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona"

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different"

"In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg"

"The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful"

"We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half"

"I'll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again"

"You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw"

"He's using his strength and that is his strength, his strength"

"Young Gareth Barry - he's young"

"Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America"

"There's a slight doubt about only one player, and that's Tony Adams, who won't be playing tomorrow"

Funny Commentator Quotes

'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.' - David Coleman

'Ian Rush is deadly 10 times out of 10, but that wasn't one of them.' - Peter Jones

'Neil Sullivan has stopped absolutely everything have thrown at him...Wimbledon 1, Manchester United 1.' - Mike Ingham

This will be their 19th consecutive game without a win unless they can get an equaliser.' - Alan Green

'Martin O'Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin.'
- Mike Ingham

'Such a positive move by Uruguay - bringing 2 players off and putting 2 players on.' - John Helm

'It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the scoreline on Saturday.'
- Radio 5 live

Poland nil, England nil, though England are now looking the better value for their nil.' - Barry Davies

'West Germany's Briegel hasn't been able to get past anyone yet - that's his trademark.' - John Helm

'You don't score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals.' - Alan Green

'It's headed away by John Clark, using his head.' - Derek Rae

'Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.'
- John Greig

'And with just 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0.' - Ian Darke

'The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.'
- John Helm

McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the referee.' - Martin Tyler

'Lukic saved with his foot, which is all part of the goalkeeper's arm.'
- Barry Davies

'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.' - David Acfield

'Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras.' - Peter Jones

'Forest have now lost six matches without winning.' - David Coleman

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Added on March 15, 2007, 4:31 pmFunny Manager Quotes

'I was a young lad when I was growing up.' - David O'Leary

'We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.' - Ruud Gullit

'Shearer could be at 100% fitness, but not peak fitness.'
- Graham Taylor

'If they hadn't scored, we would've won.' - Howard Wilkinson

'Paolo Di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.'
- Bryan Robson

'It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there.' - Jack Charlton

'I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.' - Glenn Hoddle

'It wasn't going to be our day on the night.' - Bryan Robson

'Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl,except, of course, for those of us who are goldfish.'
- Graham Taylor

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Added on March 15, 2007, 4:36 pmFunny Player Quotes

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.' - Lee Hendrie

'If you're 0-0 down, there's no-one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright.' - Robbie Earle

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.' - Steve Lomas

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.' - Barry Venison

'The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European.' - Phil Neville

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'
- Graeme Le Saux

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.'
- Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
- Johnny Giles

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - Neville Southall

'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.' - Alan Shearer

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.' - Stan Collymore

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George Ndah had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.' - Ade Akinbiyi

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
- Ian Wright

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - Ugo Ehiogu

'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.' - Ian Wright

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.' - Jonathan Woodgate

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.'
- Les Ferdinand

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.' - Richard Rufus

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.'
- Gary Lineker

'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.' - Vinny Jones

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Added on March 15, 2007, 4:37 pmActually there are heaps of hilarious quotes from posters on this forum itself

This post has been edited by Duke Red: Mar 15 2007, 04:37 PM

Heard of the Merseyside Derby? Let's just say you won't see a Liverpudian walking in the street hand-in-hand with an Evertonian.

I remember this one LMAO

Here's another that sticks in my head

"Steven Gerrard, one man task force" - Martin Tyler

Was he drooling when he said that?

Sorry, I just had to. Don't suppose you'll get what I mean anyway.

Why would I want to get you banned?

Class quotes! Well done. I like Macca's response to the credit card application form

Both Evertonians and Liverpudians are Scousers mate. They come from the same place mah. As you know, Rooney is Scouse.

*******, you talking about me ah?

This post has been edited by Duke Red: Mar 28 2007, 04:19 PM

There's not one club in Europe with an anthem like You'll Never Walk Alone. There's not one club in the world so united with the fans. I sat there watching the Liverpool fans and they sent shivers down my spine. A mass of 40,000 people became one force behind their team. That's something not many teams have. For that I admire Liverpool more than anything." Dutch legend Johan Cruyff after Istanbul.

"The English club proved that miracles really do exist. I've now made Liverpool my English team. They showed that football is the most beautiful sport of all. The Liverpool supporters didn't let me go to sleep the night before, there were 10 of them to every three Milan supporters. They showed their unconditional support at half-time when they were losing 3-0 and still they didn't stop singing." World Cup legend Diego Maradona who was cheering for Liverpool in Istanbul.

"Who's bigger than Liverpool?" Jamie Carragher when asked by Sky Sports if he'd thought of moving to a bigger club.