Hi guys, would like to seek advises regarding interfaith rship.
We clicked quite well these few months but have yet to get tgt. The only concern is diff in religion.
I do go church with her, but might not convert to Christian in the future.
She did say she hope she can have the her future partner can have same faith with her. and her mom might not like it too.
Any thoughts on this?

if there is something dear to me then i want to share with my partner without forcing her to enjoy it.

we are talking about religion, not the "way of life" or something that a person do 24 hours. let's do an extreme analogy just to get my point across, assuming you are a Christian and your partner is a Taoist or Buddhist, does she have lighted incense in her hand everywhere she go? I'm sure she only goes to the temple on special occasions and it's perfectly fine not to join in those few days. You won't die neither would she.

honestly, I don't hold religion as dearly to me if compared to human relationship. Though I cherish my relationship with God but as far as my parents are still alive, I would prioritize on them. I am sure you would do so as well because I don't expect that you'd say something like "hey dad, sorry to hear about your stroke on Sunday morning. No worries, i'll come see you in the hospital after my Sunday service in church". If God promote such behaviour then I fear that either the church you are going to is satanic or the God you are worshiping is Satan himself.

your notion is a bit nonsensical to me. what you are advocating is segregation as a whole. it simple means, kids with same religion should hang out with other kids with the same religion because then only they shared the same interest o_O? apa logic itu? interests is borne within ourselves.

another stupid comparison, seriously. if i am a person who love dogs (which I am), i wouldn't mind if my partner is allergic to dogs because I would not do thing to elevate her allergies. I can still go to a dog park and play with people's dog. Loving something does not mean you NEED to have them. Damn man. Relationship is about tolerance and sacrifices, if either one wants to triumph over the other, go live in an island lor.
Sot plug. I go to church, my wife goes to temple on occasions. We are still happily married.

My wife's grandparents' passed away, I pay my respect to them at the altar by bowing but not offering any incense and I sometimes join in their Ching Ming events too. Ching Ming is just a gathering to help clean the cemetery la, not to go and get yourselves circumcised and converted.

I don't understand why 90& of the Chinese community here in Chinese equates converting to Christian means throwing away Chinese heritage and tradition.

Your child will be given the full spectrum of every religion, though as parents, you have the obligation let them know the true picture of everything. Let your kid decides what they want to do.

Why is that so difficult?
Another sound advice which I also agree. If even before all these speculation takes place, so many worries arises. Just leave her because for sure, OP cannot accept what comes next.

Every individual are borne free so there's no saying who brainwashed who. If a child is being "brainwashed" by the mother then the child has to owned up to his/her own decisions.

Exposure means equal opportunity in this sense. I am not going to advocate or instigate knowledge but share whenever curiosity is raised. I believed a child should be informed when he/she has the interests to learn. He/She has at all material time have enough opportunity to deliberate if it is the right decision. Besides, the child doesn't spent 100% of his/her time life growing up in the house, he/she socializes so yeah, that should give him/her sufficient exposure to what is needed.

I don't quite agree that the term "brainwashed" is used though, it implicates that it's bad. No religion is bad at its core (unless it's satanic or a cult). It's the people who preaches or practices it that makes it look bad, through human interpretation if you will.

Anyway, you are not set for life when you subscribed to a religion. You can easily fall out and fall into another religion if you feel that the new one is the right one for you. You are not going to be stoned for that.

To be honest, incense or no incense, it's just a symbolic ritual to ease the mind. What is most important is that you have treated the right party in the right way when he/she is alive then the right message is get across. What is the point of buying a 20feet tall incense and a RM5million paper house to be burnt just to show the world that you are filial? These are mostly to ease the guilty conscience.

Trust me, if you simply pick an auntie in this morning market and asked them "why incense", they will tell you "aiya, my parents do it before me so everyone should do it". To me, religion is simple and it must make sense while being rational.

If they don't understand the reason why they are doing a certain thing then they are believing blindly (ie. being a sheep).



Simple, it follows the deceased's wishes. You cannot send a Buddhist follower in the Christian manner.

You do your filial piety as a son while ensuring that your religion's restricted practice is observed. You can still pray (but without the incense), don't take part i the burning and let the spouse of the deceased do it (the surviving parent should understand the child).

I attended to my grandparent's funeral and by tradition, I have to wear blue as the grandson on the paternal side but I wore white instead. Nobody seems to have any issue on that. At the end of the day, it's NOT the people that will condemn you, it's your guilty conscience that condemn yourself because you constantly fear of the social repercussion of being "different".

There is no "disrespecting" the deceased parent when you have treated him/her during his living years in a very applaudable manner. What is the point of crying buckets during the funeral when you don't even return and have dinner with him/her when he/she calls you to?

Sounds a like a hypocrite, eh?

Just to clear the air for you, my child will have the liberty to choose when he/she decides to go to church. It's their "calling", not mine. I wouldn't want to force them to attend to church unwillingly as that would amount to coercion. Forcing my child to do something which he/she doesn't understand the true nature would only push him/her further away from what is good. (eg: saving monies; it is almost nonsensical for a 12 year old to save up monies as opposed to spent them but when he/she reaches the age of 25 (?), he/she will understand the purposes hence appreciates the nature of the act).

God gave men free will and that is something that I can do.

Baptizing when my child is born is something that i will insist on doing but as Christians, we actually go through baptism twice. When you were born (if you were born into a Christian family) and another time when you reached the age of 18 years old. Whether he/she chooses to be baptized when he/she comes of age, it is her choice entirely.

You must view "exposure" holistically and subjectively rather than through a pinhole version. Equal exposure means knowledge. My interpretation of "exposure" in this sense would mean "feeding information" when requested. I will NOT* prevent my child from seeking knowledge. After all, you need to know what is bad to know what is good and bro, you don't need to actually go out and mix with people to gain "exposure" la, we live in a world there is internet.

There's a equilibrium that you need to reach, you cannot let go your child free-handed and let him/her do as he/she pleases as he/she may be lured into indecent/improper influences. The society is filled with scums.

Your hypothetical example makes no sense (although I do not negate the slightest possibility that it might happen). How can a child who is born into a Chinese family who adopts Christianity as a religion be swayed into converting to Islam? It is almost practically impossible and besides, we all know that Christian and Islam is almost like the tail of 2 ends. It's the "either this or that". Unlike other religions, from my current shallow (but sufficient) understanding of Christianity and Islam, they both actually bears resemblances to each other in many aspects but also have many vital irreconcilable differences between them and if my child can actually find a harmony between the both of them then I think my child may probably be the "2nd coming".

P/S: by the way, wrong terminology used. "Muslim" refers to people who adopts "Islam".

Theoretically, your concerns will only arise IF both parents disagreed to the child's adoption of other paternal religion but practically, not so much. Another situation is where either parents of the child passed away almost immediately after the conversion where the parents have no buffer time to accept the "new practice" of their child's religion.

Parents are perhaps the most forgivable and understanding individuals in the world. Given time, they would have accepted the way the child live their life and also respected it, being a Christian does not mean that you give up the tradition of a Chinese. You still attend to what a Chinese does (eg. Chinese Christians still celebrates Chinese New Year ). There is no bad blood between child and parents and even if the child chooses not to complete the entire "ritual", the child's presence in the funeral will suffice. Like I said above, an equilibrium needs to be achieved. At the end of the day, either parent will concede that it is something rather than nothing.

Just to refresh, I attended to my grandmother's funeral "ritual" but I wore just white rather than the "ritual-required" blue, I still bowed and pay my respect and that is it. At the end of the day, it is not the parent's feeling that I believe is the main concern, it is the worry of how your other relatives who has not adopted Christianity thinks about you. If you are not certain in what you are doing is right then you will definitely have the "Oh, my uncle viewed me as an unfilial son of a bitch". It matters not because at the end of the day, deep down you know that you have treated your parents rights and do them good. It is your own conscience and that your conscience that made your parents feel like they are proud of you. There is no point in embarking on a thousand steps journey and kneeling every 5 steps just to prove a point. The question is, can you deceased parent feel or see it?

About incense, let me fill in your ignorance.

If you were to spent some time reading about religions, you will understand why Christians does not allow symbolic rituals (see: Golden Calf). Briefly, Christians are about faith which means believing in what you cannot see.

Let me draw a real-life example for you, can you "see" the wind or can you "touch" the wind. The answer to both is "no". You can only "feel" the wind and by feeling, you believe in its existence. You perceive the existence of the wind through the effects it caused to another (eg: movement of the leaves on the tree).

Unfortunately, to your disappointment.. Christians going to church does not in any way equates to the act of burning paper houses. The glaring difference is where one is made in public and another is made in private. If you have Christian friends, you would know that Sunday services are for sermons, the original intention of services is for where pastors (who have gone into deep prayers) and seek the word of God through the interpretation of the Bible and then preaches them to other Christians so that we understand what God is trying to tell us because obviously, Jesus is not around anymore

Christians do not go to church because we want to go to heaven, we go to church because we want to live the life that God wanted us to live. We want to be close to God and that is all. Christians are already "saved" when he/she believes in God and accepted Him wholeheartedly as the "Savior". That is all. There is no "renewal fees" or "maintenance fees" to keep the "membership" alive, if commercial term gets to you easier.

Christians generally do not fear repercussions if they do not go to church because if they have fear then it's from the Satan. Probably in the old testament (before the coming of Christ) but thereafter, it's all about "Grace". God does not punished you with sickness because you missed one of the "Sunday Meetings", God does not punish you by making you choke while eating because you forgot to pray before your meal.

It is your choice to do all these. You do not lose out on anything if you refused or did not do the above, God will not forsake you once you have accepted Him but trust me on this one, if you try to get to know Him more and be close to Him, you will feel the positive vibe.

"Believe the dead can receive it"? One question that has intrigued me long time, so does Taoism believe in reincarnation or not?

Bro, these are not arguments centered around Christianity, it's about inter-faith relationship and so happens that Christianity was brought into the picture. I believed it is the same for all religions.

These are logic as to why Christians act the way they do and the main reason why I do not see a big problem having a inter-faith relationship. At the end of the day, every religion have their own stern practice which they have to adhere to. My point is this, society is moving forward and so does each and every individual in it. I am sure you realize day by day you see youngsters, stray further from traditional practices, not knowing why somethings are done the way they should. Heck, even some of the old people do not know why "you do not cut finger nails when you are pregnant".

When asked, they'll answer you "my parents told me" and when further question, you'll be shut off abruptly or rather, rudely.

We live in a society of "hybrids" where everything can intervene harmoniously without necessarily getting into a dispute and it all starts from one's mentality. If we use reasons to understand why somethings are done then we will know whether we can step over it or compromise it. You do not take a concrete wall head on when a sledgehammer is available to you, now.

Take the evolution of female swimsuit for instance, back in the days, swimsuits were very very conventional but as society progresses, it understands the purposes of the suit and eventually, it becomes what we see today but as much as I like it to be as little clothes as possible (=P), there must always be a limit/bar on how low can it go before it becomes unacceptable.

I trust you have watched the Singapore movie "Long Long Time Ago 2", do you remember the scene where the Chinese family and the Indian family talks about how their children's marriage be done? It may not be an accurate depiction of reality but a fairly close one. Now, replace the issue at hand with religion, the same scenario will be reached. It is about compromising.

Extreme perceptions like "marrying out a son", i believe will most probably "die" along when our parents passes. They kept to that perception because they grew up in a very specific society conditioned to evoke that kind of sentiment. For us, it will change, not all, but mostly. The latter generations are mostly taught to think critically, "outside the box" or think in the 4th dimension as some psychicists would phrased in.

As far as funeral goes, paying your last respect to the dead is part of the ritual of sending off. Nothing more, nothing less. The rest to me (no offense) are just "acts" to ease the conscience of the mind, enabling one to sleep soundly at night knowing that you have provided a "proper" channel for the dead to pass on to the next but you also said it yourself "no one knows".

Back to my reasoning, is respecting the death more important than respecting him/her when he/she is still alive and well? Is spending more time at his/her wake bears more weigh than spending time with him/her when he/she is alive and can respond to you?

Sorry to hear about your lost and I apologize in advance that I need to discuss this in the context of your grandfather since you bought it up. You did what you are told because you were told, the reason i guess was negligible because you have forgotten about it and it's not even a year since has passed. Our brain is hot wired to remember important things and forget the less important ones. You remembered you do what you did because it was for your grandfather (because you cared for him) but you forgot the reason why you did the "act" (simply because the act is not important). I deduce, that it was done to avoid society's scorn.

Your grandfather has an idea on how his funeral should be conducted and the wishes of the death must be carried out to its best possible. Now, let me put you in this hypothetical situation. What happens if ALL of your grandfather's descendants or who is entitled to "carry the flag and buy water" converted to Christian (extreme example) and no one is left to carry out the ritual?

Would it be more sensible to carry out a simple sending off OR to not carry out any funeral at all?

Your answer to my question will be the answer to your question to me previously on "what happens if the child is the only son in the family and the mother is not allowed to carry on the ritual". Part of my answer is that eventually, the family will have to resort to the next best thing and the remaining part of the answer will be revealed to you when you deliberate an answer to my question.

Your grandfather has an idea on how his funeral should be conducted and the wishes of the death must be carried out to its best possible. Now, let me put you in this hypothetical situation. What happens if ALL of your grandfather's descendants or who is entitled to "carry the flag and buy water" converted to Christian (extreme example) and no one is left to carry out the ritual?

If she is fervent Christian then yes you hv to convert.

I don't see anything bad in converting. U can still eat pork, drink wine and avoid circumcision.

Go ahead n convert la Goto church slowly get use to the faith. Fact that she willing to take u in means she really likes u. One way of impressing her is helping out in the church n making friends there. When she see u commit she will do more for u