QUOTE(Ms Americano L @ Mar 20 2017, 11:16 PM)
Welcome. Took me an hour to write that long reply. Hope it helps. All the best to you & your relationship. Hugs.
Advice Wanted What do you enjoy doing for your partner?
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Mar 20 2017, 11:39 PM
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Junior Member
388 posts Joined: Sep 2012 |
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Mar 20 2017, 11:43 PM
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#22
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Junior Member
103 posts Joined: Feb 2011 |
QUOTE(DozeMeWithTea @ Mar 20 2017, 09:38 AM) MY gf calls me every day whenever she finishes her work. Before we started officially label as 'couple', we text and call, and just as you pointed out - it's all about knowing your partner. Okla I get it. Eating the same food everyday LOL.Moving forward to a year later, we still continue the trend of texting and calling daily(after work). As much as I finds it annoying, if that makes her happy, I am completely fine. But here is the problem, relationship is about finding the right balance of your weakness and strength. If you think he is distancing himself from you, note it down and source out the problem. MAYBE, you're just too clingy. Give him a room to breathe, let him be free and not tie-up with you daily. To him, talking and seeing you daily is like eating the same food everyday! It's completely fine if you dont text him, every guy feels love in a different way. Bold ones - it has enlightened me! side track abit, if you don't pick up GF's call after work, will she go crazy? |
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Mar 20 2017, 11:48 PM
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#23
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Junior Member
103 posts Joined: Feb 2011 |
QUOTE(Aftermaths @ Mar 20 2017, 10:03 AM) Phase by phase working style BF spotted. Direct my focus to other things today like talking to friends that I have not been keeping in touch for some time, gym etc.Most worrying part is the reply of "ok" to "I miss you" So you are worrying too much. BF is worrying nothing at all. Its kind of imbalance here. How about you ignore him until he find you. Then you tell him you can't get even positive reply from messages. What to do while ignoring him: - Watch drama. - Movie with friends. |
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Mar 21 2017, 12:46 AM
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All Stars
11,982 posts Joined: Feb 2010 From: Banting, Puchong, KL |
LMAO
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Mar 21 2017, 12:53 AM
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Junior Member
399 posts Joined: May 2015 |
QUOTE(Ms Americano L @ Mar 20 2017, 11:12 PM) Yeah so true, we all like ppl with the positive vibes. To be positive requires practice.. I was down for some time and time to pick myself up again. Can't and shouldn't expect others including BF to do this job for me, as nobody is responsible for my happiness but myself, right? don't be too harsh on yourself, each of us got lost in a maze every now and then.. |
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Mar 21 2017, 09:06 AM
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Senior Member
3,184 posts Joined: Jun 2009 From: MYBoleh.NET |
QUOTE(Ralna @ Mar 20 2017, 03:31 PM) When I first started dating with bf, I was like you, waiting for him to call me or text me, or expect him to reply in certain ways. I ended up feeling frustrated, esp. when he didn't contact me for the whole day. I know how frustrating it is, but then I overcame it. AS expected from you Always so inspiring and wonderful. You need to have your own life and reduce gravitating towards your bf. I fill my life with activities and fun. Bf often has to wait for me to return home or finish my work/ activity before we can finally chat. He also asks me what I'll be doing the next day. Sometimes I give him my 1-week schedule, then tell him I'll be busy, but I will miss him. Sometimes he just texts me to ask me what I'm doing, and says he misses me or asks me when I'll be back home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Since you and your bf are colleagues, you should have your own life after work. Let him date you out. Make yourself less available, coz you really need to have a life on your own, and enrich yourself. When your life is rich, he will be curious to know more, and you will have more topics to talk about, & more experiences to share with him. I'm in a LDR with my bf. We used to voice-call & video-call for 3-6 hours a day for the whole month at the beginning of the relationship, after that it's more text-based. Now we don't voice-call or video-call every day, maybe just once every 2-3 weeks. I still love to hear his voice and see his face, but I don't feel the need to call every day, coz whenever I read my bf's messages, it is as if he's talking to me directly. I know how his expression, tone & voice are like even if those are just written texts. My bf texts me every morning and night. It's been like that for the past 6 months, consistently; we text for 2- 4 hours a day, on & off, the first & last person to talk to every day. & he's often the one to ask if he can call me. Yesterday was Sunday, & we spent 2 hours messaging (he texted first), 2 hours calling (he initiated it) & 2.5 hours texting at night (I initiated when I returned home from gym; he had to wait for me). I also realise that men communicate differently from women. They communicate with a purpose. There needs to be some value or purpose in the conversation you initiate with him, otherwise it'll be dismissed as unimportant and he'll reply late or slowly in the long run whenever he sees the message notification. I text my bf to either greet, ask, share or inform, and end the conversation sweetly; he reciprocates each time. I know his routine and when it's the best time to text him, and the estimate time to receive a reply. Besides, men are more visual than verbal, they find themselves more comfortable to text than to talk. Active listening is tiring to them, but reading isn't, because they can read at their own pace. & you need to make your bf love you more than you love him. He wanted to break up with you, but you wanted to work on the relationship. Make him fall in love & pursue you. You need to give him space, and live your own life. My bf has worked really, really hard to win my heart. Even now, he hasn't fully won me yet though he knows we'll be married. He knows he has to pursue me, coz I have many admirers. I always look good & feel good, which is attractive to men. That's the side benefit of having a life of your own. The more attractive you are, the more you go out (and meet more people including men), the more he has to worry. Yes, bf sometimes tells me he's jealous, and he feels the competition. Sometimes he says he'll find other women, I reply him, saying he bullies me, cannot have other women, I'll be jealous .. or sometimes, I'll say "Ok lor.. bye bye. I can move on then." & I never complain about him. If he replies slowly, I will also reply him slowly a few hours later, or the next day. If he doesn't call when he says he will, I will wait for an hour, then switch off my hp and go to sleep. It happened before when we first started dating. The more afraid you are to lose him, or the harder you try to keep him, the more you will lose him. Relationship is a power game. With him, my life is better; without him, I am still in good shape despite the heartache. I don't cling on to him 24/7 & expect him to make me happy. Always love yourself more, and learn to love yourself first. You are truly right ! And I especially love the last paragraph. |
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Mar 21 2017, 10:24 AM
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Junior Member
106 posts Joined: Jun 2016 |
QUOTE(Ms Americano L @ Mar 20 2017, 11:43 PM) Okla I get it. Eating the same food everyday LOL. Try figure out what he loves. If by any chance you're at the bookstore - look for 5 love language, it helps you understand what your love is from a different perspective.Bold ones - it has enlightened me! side track abit, if you don't pick up GF's call after work, will she go crazy? My gf is super clingy and as much as i hated it, if she feels love by doing so, I am happy. Usually I will be playing games while talking to her. Most of often than not, I get distracted by the game instead of her. lol. |
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Mar 21 2017, 06:35 PM
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Senior Member
2,239 posts Joined: Jul 2016 From: Penang |
Before I met my GF, i also thought that i like independent woman - i now think that i just confused that with a not too clingy woman anyway.
We've been together for 4 years plus now. From being quite reluctant to see her every day to meeting her almost every day without miss, sometimes we do lunch together in addition to dinner. What i wanna say is that perhaps at that time i had more interests that would eat up my precious little free time; i still have my interests that she doesnt share: gym, football watching etc. But I have learned how to prioritize and keep her happy. We meet every day and have never run out of topic, we basically talk about every thing, even petty stuffs. Even when the topic doesnt interest me as a guy like gossip, i still listen and feedback, mostly in the forms of (dirty) jokes. And after this long post, what i wanna say is, ur bf has probably lost interest, or u two really have nthg to talk about. Try to explore your own world, which would definitely make u more interesting. I even advise my GF to do the same so that we have more to ourselves than only each other. This post has been edited by Lionel90: Mar 21 2017, 06:37 PM |
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Mar 26 2017, 12:59 AM
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#29
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Junior Member
103 posts Joined: Feb 2011 |
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Mar 26 2017, 05:20 AM
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#30
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Senior Member
1,501 posts Joined: Jul 2015 |
QUOTE(Ralna @ Mar 20 2017, 03:31 PM) When I first started dating with bf, I was like you, waiting for him to call me or text me, or expect him to reply in certain ways. I ended up feeling frustrated, esp. when he didn't contact me for the whole day. I know how frustrating it is, but then I overcame it. Awesome input here. You need to have your own life and reduce gravitating towards your bf. I fill my life with activities and fun. Bf often has to wait for me to return home or finish my work/ activity before we can finally chat. He also asks me what I'll be doing the next day. Sometimes I give him my 1-week schedule, then tell him I'll be busy, but I will miss him. Sometimes he just texts me to ask me what I'm doing, and says he misses me or asks me when I'll be back home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Since you and your bf are colleagues, you should have your own life after work. Let him date you out. Make yourself less available, coz you really need to have a life on your own, and enrich yourself. When your life is rich, he will be curious to know more, and you will have more topics to talk about, & more experiences to share with him. I'm in a LDR with my bf. We used to voice-call & video-call for 3-6 hours a day for the whole month at the beginning of the relationship, after that it's more text-based. Now we don't voice-call or video-call every day, maybe just once every 2-3 weeks. I still love to hear his voice and see his face, but I don't feel the need to call every day, coz whenever I read my bf's messages, it is as if he's talking to me directly. I know how his expression, tone & voice are like even if those are just written texts. My bf texts me every morning and night. It's been like that for the past 6 months, consistently; we text for 2- 4 hours a day, on & off, the first & last person to talk to every day. & he's often the one to ask if he can call me. Yesterday was Sunday, & we spent 2 hours messaging (he texted first), 2 hours calling (he initiated it) & 2.5 hours texting at night (I initiated when I returned home from gym; he had to wait for me). I also realise that men communicate differently from women. They communicate with a purpose. There needs to be some value or purpose in the conversation you initiate with him, otherwise it'll be dismissed as unimportant and he'll reply late or slowly in the long run whenever he sees the message notification. I text my bf to either greet, ask, share or inform, and end the conversation sweetly; he reciprocates each time. I know his routine and when it's the best time to text him, and the estimate time to receive a reply. Besides, men are more visual than verbal, they find themselves more comfortable to text than to talk. Active listening is tiring to them, but reading isn't, because they can read at their own pace. & you need to make your bf love you more than you love him. He wanted to break up with you, but you wanted to work on the relationship. Make him fall in love & pursue you. You need to give him space, and live your own life. My bf has worked really, really hard to win my heart. Even now, he hasn't fully won me yet though he knows we'll be married. He knows he has to pursue me, coz I have many admirers. I always look good & feel good, which is attractive to men. That's the side benefit of having a life of your own. The more attractive you are, the more you go out (and meet more people including men), the more he has to worry. Yes, bf sometimes tells me he's jealous, and he feels the competition. Sometimes he says he'll find other women, I reply him, saying he bullies me, cannot have other women, I'll be jealous .. or sometimes, I'll say "Ok lor.. bye bye. I can move on then." & I never complain about him. If he replies slowly, I will also reply him slowly a few hours later, or the next day. If he doesn't call when he says he will, I will wait for an hour, then switch off my hp and go to sleep. It happened before when we first started dating. The more afraid you are to lose him, or the harder you try to keep him, the more you will lose him. Relationship is a power game. With him, my life is better; without him, I am still in good shape despite the heartache. I don't cling on to him 24/7 & expect him to make me happy. Always love yourself more, and learn to love yourself first. My GF has been lacking of these qualities. I told her that she needs to have more fun in life despite being in LDR now. Ayam takut she fikir bukan2 sometimes. |
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Mar 26 2017, 06:17 AM
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Newbie
40 posts Joined: Dec 2013 |
That was a good read Ralna. Thanks
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Mar 26 2017, 10:39 PM
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Junior Member
24 posts Joined: May 2013 |
QUOTE(DS_Legacy @ Mar 26 2017, 05:20 AM) Awesome input here. hmm, maybe encourage her and talk her into spending more time on her hobbies/ whatever she is good at? like maybe can have conversations can start from talking about both hers and your interests.My GF has been lacking of these qualities. I told her that she needs to have more fun in life despite being in LDR now. Ayam takut she fikir bukan2 sometimes. |
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Mar 27 2017, 03:18 AM
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Senior Member
1,501 posts Joined: Jul 2015 |
QUOTE(Hammox @ Mar 26 2017, 10:39 PM) hmm, maybe encourage her and talk her into spending more time on her hobbies/ whatever she is good at? like maybe can have conversations can start from talking about both hers and your interests. We have been together for more than 3 years. So, talking about interest is no longer a new thing to us. I just wish that she can do better in life and have more fun when I'm away for work for weeks. |
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Mar 27 2017, 09:18 AM
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Junior Member
103 posts Joined: Feb 2011 |
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Mar 27 2017, 02:20 PM
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Junior Member
24 posts Joined: May 2013 |
QUOTE(DS_Legacy @ Mar 27 2017, 03:18 AM) We have been together for more than 3 years. So, talking about interest is no longer a new thing to us. ahaha i don't know. life is long (at least i assume so), there is so much more you can explore in a person than just 3 years. mine is also coming to 3 years, i still seem to always learn something new about my hubby until now. I just wish that she can do better in life and have more fun when I'm away for work for weeks. hmm, yeah i agree with you that it would be good for her to be active and involve in something so that life just doesn't revolve around relationship or work only. good for her self-esteem. but hmm, it can only happen when she herself wants to do it . |
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Mar 27 2017, 05:06 PM
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All Stars
17,435 posts Joined: May 2008 From: Lazada |
Raina explain are details. As a guy myself, I agree all of it.
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Mar 28 2017, 12:29 AM
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Senior Member
1,501 posts Joined: Jul 2015 |
QUOTE(Hammox @ Mar 27 2017, 02:20 PM) ahaha i don't know. life is long (at least i assume so), there is so much more you can explore in a person than just 3 years. mine is also coming to 3 years, i still seem to always learn something new about my hubby until now. People evolves hmm, yeah i agree with you that it would be good for her to be active and involve in something so that life just doesn't revolve around relationship or work only. good for her self-esteem. but hmm, it can only happen when she herself wants to do it . So we get to know more about their new interests once every few month? Yeah you have the point there. Hope she would pick up something as hobby soon. |
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Mar 28 2017, 09:29 PM
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Junior Member
24 posts Joined: May 2013 |
QUOTE(DS_Legacy @ Mar 28 2017, 12:29 AM) People evolves ahahaha there is no fixed time to get to know and ask about your partner's interest la. well for me, time to time i will discover something about him. like even though he stay at home a lot, rather play video games, he can actually complete 12km run in an hour. or that he is very knowledgeable about a lot of things, and despite being lazy to cook, he definitely can cook. its this not necessarily knowing everything, or mysterious side of him that keeps me intrigue about him. it will just happen naturally over conversations when both sides have a healthy lifestyle apart from relationship matters. So we get to know more about their new interests once every few month? Yeah you have the point there. Hope she would pick up something as hobby soon. so a little bit back to the thread topic question, when Ralna mentions again and again to enrich your life and loving oneself is equally important in a relationship, she has a point. a healthy sense of self-happiness is simply part and parcel of a relationship. and maybe that is actually one of the best things you can do for a partner and the people around you. This post has been edited by Hammox: Mar 28 2017, 09:53 PM |
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Mar 28 2017, 09:43 PM
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Senior Member
4,819 posts Joined: Apr 2011 From: Kuala Lumpur |
QUOTE(Hammox @ Mar 28 2017, 09:29 PM) ahahaha there is no fixed time to get to know and ask about your partner's interest la. well for me, time to time i will discover something about him. like even though he stay at home a lot, rather play video games, he can actually complete 10km run in 8 minutes less. or that he is very knowledgeable about a lot of things, and despite being lazy to cook, he definitely can cook. its this not necessarily knowing everything, or mysterious side of him that keeps me intrigue about him. it will just happen naturally over conversations when both sides have a healthy lifestyle apart from relationship matters. 10 km in 8 minutes? lol so a little bit back to the thread topic question, when Ralna mentions again and again to enrich your life and loving oneself is equally important in a relationship, she has a point. a healthy sense of self-happiness is simply part and parcel of a relationship. and maybe that is actually one of the best things you can do for a partner and the people around you. |
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Mar 28 2017, 09:49 PM
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Senior Member
1,501 posts Joined: Jul 2015 |
QUOTE(Hammox @ Mar 28 2017, 09:29 PM) ahahaha there is no fixed time to get to know and ask about your partner's interest la. well for me, time to time i will discover something about him. like even though he stay at home a lot, rather play video games, he can actually complete 10km run in 8 minutes less. or that he is very knowledgeable about a lot of things, and despite being lazy to cook, he definitely can cook. its this not necessarily knowing everything, or mysterious side of him that keeps me intrigue about him. it will just happen naturally over conversations when both sides have a healthy lifestyle apart from relationship matters. Do you mean 1km? so a little bit back to the thread topic question, when Ralna mentions again and again to enrich your life and loving oneself is equally important in a relationship, she has a point. a healthy sense of self-happiness is simply part and parcel of a relationship. and maybe that is actually one of the best things you can do for a partner and the people around you. |
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