Something tells me that even a tiny 0.5% investment into Ether is a guaranteed win over a few years.

Problem is how to convince them to stop spending nonsense like 4D/toto and teach them how to buy their first ETH.

Again this isn't trading advice, just thinking out loud.

There isn't much time before Casper arrives, and Bitcoin isn't making it cheaper either.

Sign up at xfers.io and submit documents for verification, it'll take couple days at most.
Q4 this year, phase 1 already written in python and testing is progressing. Lots of FUD from adversaries stating inflation going towards the way of Venezuela, even if POS proves to be impossible, there's plan to scale down mining reward next year.

This is why Vitalik, founder of Ethereum is concerned with Bitcoin, without mining reward, fees will have to be expensive for sustainability.
Yes, it's no longer about getting rich now, you'll want to preorder a piece of the internet before others.

We've had two dumps back to back so far, and the price is refusing to remain below $40.

This is pretty impressive, I'm sure the whales are dumbfounded too.

Useless as in no updates, no news from developers, no progress, bad feedback from others, etc.

Those earlier coins I bought was based on recommendations from various sources. Some on news e.g. Ripple - Japan banks. Later ones I did a bit of research. Some bought just for fun. Some has potential business model (latest one was Siacoin and Storjcoin). Most have gain to a certain degree probably due to diversion from bitcoin.

Ok, let me count....... I have 26 types of coins.    I just need one to hit the moon.... 

A lot of exchanges but Poloniex has the most coins. Can consider Poloniex.