Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+

> Dilemma, Forbidden love (Advice Wanted)

views
     
cfa28
post Sep 26 2016, 04:07 PM

Look at all my stars!!
*******
Senior Member
4,070 posts

Joined: Jan 2012


Dear TS, my advice to you is to walk away while you still can.

Not only for the religion issue but because your future partner has bipolar concerns.

This is one less complications that if you cam avoid, you really want and should avoid.

You remember the case of the woman who recently commited suicide with her young son in Bukit Jalil.

She had depression issues and bipolar problems like these, seriously if you can walk away, do so.

You really don't want to take on unnecessary pressure if you can.
cc980024
post Sep 27 2016, 08:42 AM

Casual
***
Junior Member
387 posts

Joined: Aug 2009
QUOTE(Kanan Jarrus @ Sep 26 2016, 02:37 PM)
i see..... but don't you feel awkward when for eg your 1st son name starts with Lim.... while the 2nd surname is Tan.....??
*
what is there to be awkward about? It is easily explain that each of them follow each of their parent's surname. Just like married women nowadays no longer using Mrs as their title, and nobody question why they still claim themselves as Ms. It just matter of time to get ppl accept it.

Things change over time, everything is possible and people nowadays are getting more and more open to new options. We sees reason why traditionally kids must carry father's surname, coz father is suppose to be the sole-breadwinner. A wife is really marry into a family with big dowry given to the wife's parents. And her parents no longer need to provide her with food and shelter, and she have to rely on husband family on her living and welfare. Hence, that's fair.

But generation change, where there are lot of women save along for the marriage event. They share house fund, housework and if you aware.. there are some forumers even asking whether he can find a gf who willing to share buying house. But the fact, thou many of you guys who happen to carry the heavier financial weight may claim that girls are $ sucker and zero contribution. But women around me, basically watever the husband contributing to the family, they contributed the same, unless force to be housewife. And women bear the pain and risk her life for babies. Hence, for such women, I don't see why she can't have her say to change the norm practise. And of coz, it well depends on the woman herself whether she sees it awkward to do something against the norm.

But I am not saying that all women have that rights to have her say. I strongly against those princess, lazy woman, brainless kind who ignore their husband's hardwork for the family, and claim that this is their right as well.

But back to TS case. I truly feel surname is not the key issue.. the gap is due to religion, the way it practices here in the country.

This post has been edited by cc980024: Sep 27 2016, 08:44 AM
kohchuup
post Sep 28 2016, 01:23 PM

Getting Started
**
Junior Member
168 posts

Joined: Jun 2012
QUOTE(willywonka92 @ Sep 12 2016, 06:11 PM)
I'm on my last year in uni. Met a Muslim girl 4 years ago. Things were flirty at the beginning and got serious on the next year. Had a serious relationship for 3 years. She has bipolar disorder. Things were rough on the 1st year and now she got way better than before. Recently,  we discussed about marriage n meeting parents and stuff like tht. So I told my mum about her. My mum just calmly asked me not to disappoint her as she did asking me to take a good care and not to fall in love with muslim cuz im a Chinese plus I'm the eldest so the pressure is pretty much intense.she put alot of hope of me. I was completely devastated. When I told her about it, she pretty much got back to the old her....started to cry and and bipolar things is back and got worse. She did a lot of things and sacrifice alot for me...I really dont know what to do now... Sincerely looking for a piece of advice  from someone who faced this kind of issue before. Thx
*
got a few frens went thru what u r facing now, most of my frens got married but in a later stage. Ur stage is too early, havent complete your studies yet..


imho try to keep in this relationship for a few more years, wait till both of u more mature, only to deal with both parents...
TSwillywonka92
post Nov 20 2019, 02:36 PM

New Member
*
Junior Member
41 posts

Joined: Dec 2014
QUOTE(kohchuup @ Sep 28 2016, 02:23 PM)
got a few frens went thru what u r facing now, most of my frens got married but in a later stage. Ur stage is too early, havent complete your studies yet..
imho try to keep in this relationship for a few more years, wait till both of u more mature, only to deal with both parents...
*
Just feelin like updating this old thread of mine.

-So i ended up marrying her.
- Family starting to accept her and us.
- Ofc i converted without changing my name.
- I guess things are getting much better. 1 thing for sure, family blessing is important. There is no word that i can use to describe the moment my mother accepted us. rclxm9.gif

casgal
post Nov 20 2019, 05:54 PM

New Member
*
Newbie
2 posts

Joined: Jan 2013


QUOTE(willywonka92 @ Nov 20 2019, 02:36 PM)
Just feelin like updating this old thread of mine.

-So i ended up marrying her.
- Family starting to accept her and us.
- Ofc i converted without changing my name.
- I guess things are getting much better. 1 thing for sure, family blessing is important. There is no word that i can use to describe the moment my mother accepted us.  rclxm9.gif
*
Congratulations! Against all odds, finally became husband and wife thumbsup.gif
I think this is the first time i replying message on Lowyat. tongue.gif
My humble advice, seek professional help for your wife's bipolar issue even tho you can handle her situation for the time being. Life is always full of challenges, you wouldn't know what other things might trigger her emotion. It's for the benefit of everyone, especially for her, help her to fight the disorder will help her do better in her life, and build her self-confidence.
If you need suggestion, look for Satir Model Family Therapy, ask for someone experienced to talk to. it's a great counselling system which could help u find the root cause of the emotional disorder, instead of giving medicine to control the situation. I'm not saying meds are bad, juz that if there's a way to tackle on problem instead of controlling by meds, why not?
Pls excuse my broken english, I juz hope every human being could live a better life, and have a peaceful world..
pot-8-O's
post Nov 20 2019, 06:12 PM

Getting Started
**
Junior Member
196 posts

Joined: Apr 2019
From: forum.lowyat.net/Kopitiam


Happy ending thread.

Congrats on the wedding and wish you both everlasting happiness thumbup.gif
kohchuup
post Nov 23 2019, 07:05 AM

Getting Started
**
Junior Member
168 posts

Joined: Jun 2012
QUOTE(willywonka92 @ Nov 20 2019, 02:36 PM)
Just feelin like updating this old thread of mine.

-So i ended up marrying her.
- Family starting to accept her and us.
- Ofc i converted without changing my name.
- I guess things are getting much better. 1 thing for sure, family blessing is important. There is no word that i can use to describe the moment my mother accepted us.  rclxm9.gif
*
Congratulations...

Selectt
post Nov 25 2019, 11:26 AM

wattttt!!
******
Senior Member
1,220 posts

Joined: Aug 2009

why not? Forbidden fruit tastes the best

3 Pages < 1 2 3Top
 

Switch to:
| Lo-Fi Version
0.0327sec    0.95    5 queries    GZIP Disabled
Time is now: 6th December 2019 - 08:33 PM