DEATH DURING SEX
Right in the middle of lovemaking, the husband dies of a heart attack. As the funeral arrangements are being made, the mortician informs the widow that he cannot get rid of her dead husband's rigor mortis hard-on which is sticking straight up in the air and if they don't do something, it will look odd in the coffin at the funeral.

The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed's behind. The mortician can't believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he does it. During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed.

Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man's ear, "It HURTS, doesn't it?"

try harder

DEATH DURING SEX
Right in the middle of lovemaking, the husband dies of a heart attack. As the funeral arrangements are being made, the mortician informs the widow that he cannot get rid of her dead husband's rigor mortis hard-on which is sticking straight up in the air and if they don't do something, it will look odd in the coffin at the funeral.

The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed's behind. The mortician can't believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he does it. During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed.

Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man's ear, "It HURTS, doesn't it?"

for goodness sake, its a joke! that's what joke is all about!

thts coz u got a neurotic mind, jk.......

An Actor's Last Chance
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say theline 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"

Black Hand Coming
In a western saloon, the town idiot enters and screams, “Black Hand is coming. He’ll kill everyone!” A commotion starts and Joe, a lone traveller, looks on in amazement.

The bartender is about to rush off, but Joe stops him with a cocky attitude. “You! What the hell is going on?” “Black Hand is coming. He’ll kill everyone!

“What a load of nancies!” Joe thinks, and carries on sipping on his drink.

Nothing happens for ten minutes. All of a sudden, someone kicks the doors off their hinges. A huge man is blocking out the sunlight. He wears black leather gloves with mettle mesh wrapped round them, his arms are thicker than a woman’s waist and his face is the scariest thing Joe’s ever seen in his life.

“Blow my pecker!” screams the man as he flops out his foot-long flaccid man-piece. Terrified, Joe obeys. After a minute, the man commands, “Faster!” Joe obeys. “Faster, you sissy!” he thunders.

Miffed, Joe plucks up the courage to speak. “What’s with all this? Why so fast?” he snaps. “Did you not hear?” replies the giant nervously, “Black Hand is coming. He’ll kill everyone!