Dorm Assignments




On the first day of college, the chancellor addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

The girl’s dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the guys dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time.”

He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $300. Are there any questions?”

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: “How much for a semester pass?”




Hundred Dollar Bill Ya’ll


A man goes to a tattoo artist and says: “I’d like you to tattoo a one- hundred dollar bill onto my d***.”

The tattoo artist is surprised: “Well, that could hurt a lot! Why would you want a 100 dollar bill on your d***?”

The man answers, “Three reasons: One: I like to watch my money grow. Two: I like to play with my money. And three: The next time my wife wants to blow a hundred bucks she won’t have to leave the house!”




hope its not a repost >_<

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Added on January 28, 2009, 10:39 pm
Art is Weird


At an art exhibition, a couple was viewing a painting of three very naked and very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out, the artist walked by and noticed the couple’s confusion. “Can I help you with this painting?” he asked.

“Well, yes” said the gentleman. We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?”

“Oh” said the artist. “I’m afraid you’ve misunderstood the painting. The three men are not Africans, they’re coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch.”


Statue Revenge


There are two statues in a park, one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, “As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.”

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, “Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again?”

He asks her. “Shall we?”

She eagerly replies, “Oh, yes, let’s! But let’s change positions. This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head.”




What Do Your Parents Do?


Little Johnny was in his class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up, fireman, policeman, salesman, and so on.

Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his father. “My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if an offer is really good, he’ll go out to the alley with some guy and have sex with him for money.”

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little Johnny aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”

“No,” said Johnny, “he’s actually a lawyer, but I was too embarrassed to say so in front of the other kids!”


Black Eyes



These two guys walk into a bar, and they’ve each got a black eye. The bartender asks the first guy. “What happened to you?”

The guy responds “I had a slight mishap of words with my wife. You see, we were getting plane tickets, and the lady behind the terminal was REALLY good looking. When I accidentally said ‘Two pickets to tits-burg’ instead of ‘Two tickets to Pittsburgh,’ the wife hit me.”

The bartender looks at the second guy and asks. “And you?”

The guy responds “I had a slight mishap of words also. This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I meant to say ‘Please pass the margarine,’ but instead I accidentally said ‘You stupid b****, you ruined my life’…”


Women Are From Venus



Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.



This post has been edited by kanzakicyn: Jan 28 2009, 10:39 PM

Not sure if this is a repost, but i find it amusing

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”

The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, “If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I’ll show you my thighs,”.

And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, “If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance. That’s the hospital where I had it done!