Wife: Honey..... What are you looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour??
Husband: I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

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Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

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Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

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Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see how miraculous andpowerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?"

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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

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Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if myfather hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

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Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

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Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "Billionaire"

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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning

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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor.