A 90 yr old man brought his 20yr old wife to the doctor and proudly proclaimed that his wife is pregnant with his child.
The doctor knowing that this is not possible was trying to explain to the old man in the most gentle way possible.

Doctor,' Please sit down and let me tell you a story. There was this old hunter who went hunting with a rifle and an umbrella. While in the jungle an elephant came charging towards him. The hunter then took aim with his umbrella , thinking that its the rifle. A LOUD shot rang out and the elephant was dead on the tracks."

Old man, " That is not possible. Some one else must have shot!".

Doctor," My point exactly."

Smelling Fish
One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier. Adam said, "The morning Eve and I made love for the first time."

God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?"

Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."

"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."

I was having sex the other day, banging away, when suddenly I stopped mid-thrust and stood really still.

"What are you doing?"

"Something I learn from online porn. It's called 'buffering'."