Anyone have heard of this joke?

While I was watching football this weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.

She got up, unplugged the TV, and dumped out my beer.

Accident


This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts.

Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her."

Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news."

Again the guy interrupts.

Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?"

Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegatative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."

The guy slumps, just crushed.

Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, cleaning her and giving her constant care on a daily basis, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years."

The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry.

Doctor: "As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid."

By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably.

The doctor reaches over, puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Hey, look at me." The guy looks up and the doctor smiles and says, "I'm just f***ing with you, she's dead."

^ Evil doctor

WTF!!!!!

Same with the baby.....

T.T

Not same la...

Tat baby not die yet but he doctor make him die like tat...

Tis one aledi dead but wan scared the husband.

Both is an idiot and eveil doctor

haha

no the baby was born dead

actually the joke is the doctor is trying to make him feel better since he said "doctor dun tell me my wife is dead i cant take it"

Honeymoon


Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.

However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too.

Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."

She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."

Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.

"You told me you penis was the size of an infant!", she said. "Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"

oh lawd

hot dawg!!

??????

Infant size= 19 inches long?

it says infant size, not infant's size

Wao. Thanks for sharing. ^^

holy sh*t... infant size @@ his wife will feel the experience of giving birth even before she can get pregnant

Ultraman Sex

Distance makes the heart fonder. In my case, it made both me and him terribly horny.
So we tried phone sex.
We were warming to the idea that he's gonna go down on me.
Me: Mmm... how about you reach up with both your hands to hold my breasts while licking me?
Him: Huh. I'm gonna look like superman doing that!
Me: Oh.
Him: How about I hold your breast with just one hand, honey?
Me: You're gonna look like Ultraman!!!

3 words during sex


What are three words that a married person would never want to hear during sex?

Honey I'm home

short, but straight to the point!

Hmm ok this one is the first joke in this thread that I dun really understsand ...

Example the husband is making sex with other woman while then he heard "Honey I'm home " . Understand? :}