mean eve dont want to entertain adam

it actually linked back to other jokes... where women kept giving headache as an excuse not to have sex

Yep... you can imagine Eve saying the dreaded and immortalised line of "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache..."

Seen in my local paper's "readers sales" section.

FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of encyclopedia Britannica.
45 Volumes. Excellent condition.
£1000 pounds or best offer.

Reason for sale:- No longer required.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.

Too Much Teasing . . .


It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife
are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute,
loose-fitting, pink spring
dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal
jeans and a T-shirt.

The zoo is not very busy this morning.As they walk through
the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy
gorilla. Noticing the woman, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps
up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he
grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is
obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny.
He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom
at him, and play along.

She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making
noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps
fall to show a little more skin.

She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.

"Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan
it at him." he says. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy
and now he's doing flips.

Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
door to the cage, slings her into the cage with the gorilla
and slams the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM you have a
headache . . . "

^ headache excuse phailed

Royal Wedding

On the day of the Royal wedding, Sophie was getting dressed,
surrounded by all
of her family. She suddenly realised she had forgotten to
get any shoes.
Panic!

Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white
shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the
day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time
the festivities were over Sophie's feet was hurting real
bad.

When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing
she could think of was getting her shoes off.

The rest of the Family crowded around the door to the
bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts,
straining noises and the occasional muffled scream.
Eventually they heard Edward say 'God, that was tight.'

'There,' whispered the Queen. 'I told you she was a
virgin.'

Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. 'Right. Now
for the
other one.' Followed by more grunting and straining and at
last Edward said.
'My God. That was even tighter.'

'That's my boy,' said the Duke. 'Once a sailor, always a
sailor.'

not all sailors are gays you know.....

hahaha the last 2 jokes are good....i nv expect it to be...good one good one

well in those days sailor no women crew and at sea all the time so wat to do

Its only a joke, dude, just like not all blondes are dumb but that doesn't stop us from making blonde jokes

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Bob & Joe


Bob: "So, you say that you won the conversion with your wife yesterday."
Joe: "Yes, she came crawling on her hands and knees."
Bob: "Really? What did she say?"
Joe: "Come out from under the bed, you coward

It is a story happened in a first class university in US
During the biology class, professor explain that sperm contain high ratio of glucose
A girl raise her hand and ask
[if i'm not mistaken, you mean glucose in man's sperm as much as sugar ?]
[Yes!] professor said, and ready to show some data
then the girl question again:
[Why it isn't sweet when taste?]
Out of sudden, everyone in class laugh roughly, and the pity girl sense that she is saying something wrong.
She feel shame, take her book and walk out the class room without saying anything.
but the moment she step out the door, the professor's give a very classic answer.
he said:
[It taste not sweet, is because the sense of sweet is in the front of your tongue, but not your throat]

AFFAIR WITH DENTIST


Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate rendezvous in the dental clinic after hours.

But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious."

"No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been meeting here for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing."

"True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!"

He is smart


A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant
Demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the
Amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their
Marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you
Know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me
Drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that
Start with the letter 'T', to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking
Sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from,
And let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note
To the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be
Understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her
Note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I
Didn't realize that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm
Sorry.

I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the
Bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make
Sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY

2. THURSDAY

3. TODAY

4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you
Upstairs."

Part of this joke is somewhat a repost.

The 5 Questions Most Feared By Men

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. "Football." b. "Golf." c. "How fat you are." d. "How I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

Question #2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "Yes!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include: a. "Oh yeah, sh*tloads." b. "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?" c. "That depends on what you mean by love." d. "Does it matter?" e. "Who, me?"

Question #3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect answers are: a. "Compared to what?" b. "I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin." c. "A little extra weight looks good on you." d. "I've seen fatter." e. "Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include: a. "Yes, but you have a better personality." b. "Not prettier, but definitely thinner." c. "Not as pretty as you when you were her age." d. "Define pretty." e. "Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat.")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not -- don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.
Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Man: (audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't use them -- she's left-handed.
Woman: (silence)
Man: Sh*t.

Last question: just simply say no.. and if she ask why just say " no one else can replace you"

nuff said. Woman will change their stance of it when it really happening.

PWNed!!!!!! Should have chosen another letter... like 'S'!!!!

Newly Wife?

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.