Classic!!!

Cindy


A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.

Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She's also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, "My God, you saved my life!"

He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford!

Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and they're in heaven. Cindy's fallen madly in love with our man, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night.

Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks, "We have a wonderful life together, I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"

He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt?"

"Sure," she says, "if it will help." He takes off his shirt and she puts it on.

"Now would you put on my pants?" he asks.

"Sure, honey, if it's really going to make you feel better," she says.

"Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks.

"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does.

Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"

She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"

lololol nobody to tell....

A little variation.

Tony died and went to Heaven. When he was judged, he was told that okay, you did good, but you also cheated on your wife once, therefore you only get to drive a Honda around heaven.

As he was driving around heaven, he met his old friend Carlos. After the usual meet and greet, he saw Carlos's car, a Kia. Carlos shrugged and said, "I cheated twice, so I only get to drive this."

Suddenly a BMW 7 Series swerved to the side of Heaven's road and braked. Its driver, another of their friend John got out and started sobbing on the side of the road.

"Why are you crying?" They asked.

"I just saw my wife." He replied.

"So?"

"She was riding a goddamned bicycle!"

cos it's the truth?

i think her remark makes this funnier

done reading this thread... took me 4 days... good job to misfit and others for the jokes.

=)

3 years of awesomest jokes heaven thread

It's been that long already? Thanks
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Anal Pregnancy

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.

The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"

She said that she did.

He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no.

The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified.

She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"

The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

thanks to you

in the world full of reposts, i can come here for something new from your secret source.. although the one above is a repost lol

LMAO!

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Added on January 17, 2010, 11:28 am

This post has been edited by KuzumiTaiga: Jan 17 2010, 11:28 AM

Here's a short one I just remembered:

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Scroll down for the answer





















The rooster.

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Meaning there is two guy in that island?..

no.. the guy wanted to share his s3x experience with cindy crawford to someone (a guy, which prolly gets jealous). but they're stranded on an island. so he asked cindy to wear his clothes so she looks like a man, and pretends to share it to "him".

lol... so he is so eager to show off his sex experience that he told her to dress as a guy eh? haha...

i want mooooorrrrreeeeeeee!!!!!

LOL @ the anal pregnancy

More please!!!!!!!!!!!!

Donkey Or Fruit?


A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny. He gets to the point where he can't stand it anymore.

So he decides to try and have sex with the donkey.

He drops his pants and positions himself under the donkey. But, to his dismay, the donkey walks away.

Only slightly discouraged, the man decides to try again. He walks to where the donkey is standing, positions himself under the donkey, and right before he goes for it, the donkey walks away again. Now the man is getting frustrated.

As he prepares for his third and final try, he sees a vision. A beautiful, naked woman appears out of nowhere. She approaches the stunned man, who until recently, believed that he was the only person for hundreds of miles.
She smiles at him and says, "I would do anything for that bowl of fruit you have."

"Anything?" he says, getting fairly excited.
"Yes, anything." she replies.

So he says, "Will you hold the donkey?"

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Jan 21 2010, 03:28 PM