Angry man joke


A man stomps into a bar, obviously angry. He growls at the bartender, "Gimme a beer," takes a slug, and shouts out, "All lawyers are assholes!"

A guy at the other end of the bar retorts, "You take that back!"

The angry man snarls, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

The guy replies, "No, I'm an as*hole!"

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Dec 8 2009, 08:52 PM

Wedding Prank


The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:

"Dear Friends, we didn't mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But I swear by God Almighty, I'm going to kill whoever put novocaine in the condom!"

what will happen actually?

Isnt novocaine something like listerine?

i dunno lol
but i think like become kebas-kebas one

the stuff that dentist put injection

lol..its a good one

Smelling Fish


One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier. Adam said, "The morning Eve and I made love for the first time."

God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?"

Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."

"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."

OMG, this one makes my day. nicely put

Boy Girl God


A Boy wanted to have sex with his girlfriend. But she was refusing all the time. So he went to see his friend and asked him what to do about it. His friend had a brilliant plan. He said: "Next time you meet her under the tree behind your home. I will be up in the tree waiting for you. If she refuses again you ask God in the heaven whether you can have sex with her or not. And I will give the right answer to you and her."

The days went by and one Saturday afternoon he met his girlfriend again. They both went to that tree and he asked her to have sex. She refused. So he said to her: "And, my dear, if I ask God in heaven, would you follow his advise?" "Yes, I would" she said. So he asked: "Father in heaven can I have sex with my girlfriend?" And the voice from heaven said: "OK my friend, go ahead!" And so they had sex the first time.

But the boy asked his friend to do him this favour every week, and he did. But the last time when he asked God in heaven, the father answered: "My dear friend below, step aside and let your father in heaven have a go!"

either way you're screwed

FML!


Hubby:

Ever get up and suddenly reality hit u like a heavyweight knock-out punch... straight in the teeth... repeatedly.

The life you visualize you wanted... which you keep telling yourself soon... on the way... one day I will be... WILL NEVER HAPPEN! You jumped up, go on with your routine life that you console yourself that it is for temporary, killing you everyday by just bearing with it.

Just before you jumped and say, "then make some changes". ITS TOOOO LATE!!!!! You have no energy left.... You're old, useless, non-achiever, lazy, unmotivated, bad tempered, hard headed, but luckily not gay.

Wife: (Eye still weary by getting disturbed so early in the morning) YES YES! You may go fishing instead of accompanying me shopping today.

Why are women so bad at mathematics?

Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches.

Novocaine = a type of local anaesthetic agent.



The wonders of anatomy.

Your arm span roughly corresponds to your height;
Your forearm to your foot length;
and your index finger to thumb length =

This post has been edited by StarGhazzer: Dec 16 2009, 10:43 AM

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous ... or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Dec 19 2009, 10:17 PM

A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.

He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?

In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims: "Damn, some as$hole has my pen!"

A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled. "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked.

"Because every time I talk to a woman with beautiful tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere"

lollolollol