A guy had been waiting all week to go fishing on the weekend so come saturday he's up at 5.am, has breakfast and quietly backs the boat out of the garage.
While he eats he listens to the weather forecast for the day..Rain, sleet, snow. He decides to still go so hitches the boat up, packs his gear and quietly drives off. He gets half way to the boat ramp and it begins to rain. Then it gets really heavy. By the time he gets to the ramp it is a mix of snow and rain and he can't see 5 feet infront of him so he decides to call the day off and go back home.
On arriving home he unhitches the boat and puts it and his fishing gear away. He goes to the bedroom where his wife is still asleep, undresses and snuggles in behind her, thoughts of fishing gone and other things on his mind. "That weather out there is absolutely shocking" he whispers in her ear. "Yeah, can you believe my husband is out there fishing in that shit....

lmao......this just goes to show.....neva trust a woman

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door, she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. "What are you doing?" she exclaimed. The daughter replied," I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." Later that week, the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming suond coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed. The daughter replied," I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." A couple of days later, the mother heard the humming sound again, this time coming from the den. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are you doing?" she asked. He replied," Watching the game with my son-in-law."