i got this in sms

idiot

Sex in The Nite


A couple that was married for 20 years always made love with the lights off.

Well, after 20 years, the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned the lights on.

She looked down... and saw that her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent *******," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy... if you explain the kids."

Adam and Rachael have a wonderful night, classy dinner, dance, and a walk in the park.

When Adam walked Rachael home, Rachael said to Adam

"I have a wonderful night tonight, just as wonderful as always, but sadly, I think we should stop going out anymore."

Adam was surprised,

"Why?"


"Because I have to foot the bill everytime!"

great effort and jokes there..keep it up ^^

He looked deep into the eyes of the woman he loved and said, "My heart is broken. I saw you with another man yesterday."
"Oh don't be silly!" she replied, "That was just my husband, you know there's no one but you."

Grounds for Divorce


A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property."
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is ’yes’."
"Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "most days he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don’t want a divorce," she replied. "I never wanted a divorce. It’s husband. He says he can’t communicate with me

i dont get the last joke

she fail to understand wat the judge is asking n wondering why her husband wanted to divorce with her.

I don't quite get this

adam pokai la so rachel tak shiok bayar

i love this thread!!!! one of the best in kopitiam.. MMD evrytime..
here's my contribution



Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says,..........

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Added on October 4, 2008, 6:14 pmhope im not repostin this..

A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex."

This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night. In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired.

She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the morning. A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again.

She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want,"

He replied, "That's ok... It was a small load... I did it by hand."

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Added on October 4, 2008, 6:25 pm
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

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Added on October 4, 2008, 6:31 pmA man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He looks in his rear view mirror and notices a police car with its red lights. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy", so he floors it.

The cars are racing down the highway - 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy realizes he can't outrun the cop so he gives up and pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"

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Added on October 4, 2008, 6:36 pmthree words that would ruin a man...


This post has been edited by harvster: Oct 4 2008, 06:36 PM

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office.

The husband said,"I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I am in terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You are a brave man,"said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The husband turns to his wife and says,"Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is dear."

3 Idiot

there are 3 fren call 'Somebody','Noone',n 'Crazy'...

one day,'Somebody' beat 'Noone'....'Crazy' feel panic n very scare,so he phone to the police station..

'Crazy':hello police,i very scare because 'somebody' try to kill 'Noone' oh....

Policemen:har?!some body try to kill no one??are u crazy??

'Crazy':yup,i am 'Crazy',how do u know my name~

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Added on October 9, 2008, 12:55 amWhats wrong?

A man went to c doctor n said:doctor doctor,my whole body very painful.my leg,head,shoulder,breast,foot are very pain...

Doctor said:how come whole ur body are pain?

Man:rili woh..when i touch my shoulder,aihhh,very pain..when i touch my leg,aihhh,very pain..whats wrong doctor??

Doctor:em,ur finger are broken~

This post has been edited by Xp3rT: Oct 9 2008, 12:55 AM

Lori, the pert and pretty nurse, took her troubles to a resident
psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It has gotten so that every
time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him.
And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to
strengthen your willpower and resolve in this matter."
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I
won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

IT'S 7TH GRADE...

I stared at the girl next to me... She was my so called "best friend"... I stared at her... Long, silky hair... And I wished she was mine... But she didn't notice me like that... I knew it... After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before... And I handed them to her... She said "thanks"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...



IT'S JUNIOR YEAR...

My phone rang... On the other end it was her... She was in tears... Mumbling on and on about how her love had broken her heart... She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone... So I did... As I sat next to her on the sofa... I stared at her soft eyes... Wishing she was mine... After 2 hours... A Drew Barrymore movie... And 3 bags of chips... She decided to go to sleep... She looked at me.. Said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...



IT'S SENIOR YEAR...

The day before prom... She walked to my locker... "My date is sick" she said... He's not going to go... Well... I didn't have a date and in 7th grade... We made a promise that if neiter of us had dates... We'd go together just as "best friends"... And so we did...



IT'S PROM NIGHT...

After everything was over with... I was standing at her front door step... I stared at her ... She smiled at me... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me like that... And I know it... Then she said "I had the best time... Thanks!"... And she gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to telll her... I wanted her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...



IT'S GRADUATION DAY...

A day passed... And then a week... And then a month... Before I could blink... It was graduation day... I watched her... Perfect body... Floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me that way... And I know it... Before everyone went home... She came to me in her smock and hat... And cried as I hugged her... Then she lifted her head from my shoulders and said "you're my best friend"... "Thanks!"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her.. I wanted to know that I wanted to be more than "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy... And I don't know why...



IT'S A FEW YEARS LATER...

Now I sit in the pews of the church... A church that she is getting married in now... I watched her say "I do" an drive off to her new life... Married to another man... I wanted her to be mine... But she didn't see me like that... And I knew it... But before she drove away... She came to me and said "You came!... Thanks!"... And she kissed me on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wantd her to know that I didn't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...



YEARS PASSED...


I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend"... At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years... This is what it said... "I stare at him... Wishing he was mine... But he doesn't notice me like that... And I know it... I wanted to tell him... I wanted him to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love him but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why... I wish he would tell me he loved me"... I wish I did too... I thought to myself and I cried...

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Am i in the wrong thread?

That should be in the cupid's corner

misfit emo. lack of msg gua..