weih... dam sad lar ur quotes. make me remember my own break up... all ok on ur side onot?

why the quotes so.... un-joke-like wan...

alittlemisfit,

are you ok?

maybe alittlemisfit ran out of authentic jokes, starting to do repost and 404 jokes already....

Our dai lou never fails

forwarded mail.. so i post here since this thread abit slow.....

qoute of the day,,,be a good listener

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : ...And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.
Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colors do you have?

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot !
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.


Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.

Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
One Student : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.

Teacher : George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: Because George still had the axe in is hand.

It's in line with the whole relationship is a joke thingy

partially true

LOL...

I love this thread.

THE BANK ROBBERS


Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:
"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people.....

^Teh spirit of joke is back!!!

video says a million words

^ Notice how that dude's eyebrow 'berkelip' while he was turning the dial

PARTING WORDS


Three buddies are sitting around talking one day when they begin to discuss what they would like their friends and families to say about them as they're laying in their caskets at their funerals.

The first man says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second man says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... LOOK!! HE'S MOVING!!!"

I like this

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen"

OH MY!!!!!!! LOL

hai-lat-dot-com-dot-my

been reading for long. I'll add one on my side.

The Loyal Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, ' When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the +after-life+ with me. '

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died . . . He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, ' Wait, just a minute! '

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. Her friend said, ' I know you weren ' t fool enough to put all that money in there in the casket with your husband. '

The loyal wife replied ' Listen, I can ' t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'

' You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'

' I sure did ' said the wife. ' I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'

Moral of the story: *Women are cleverer than Men* ......

hohohahahohohaha..... "It's swollen"... you make my day Suiteng...