Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+

 Thread for Husband and Father, Lets share/discuss/info

views
     
nihility
post Oct 12 2022, 12:15 PM

Regular
******
Senior Member
1,251 posts

Joined: Sep 2021


QUOTE(hydroboy87 @ Sep 9 2022, 10:52 AM)
It is me again guys. I previously shared the challenges I was going through with my wife. And sadly, things are not much different this year. Personally I have ramped up my responsibilities in making sure I help out more with house work. However, sex is life is still non-existent. And to make it worse, she doesn't even touch me sexually, and there's absolutely no intimacy whatsoever. We do not have and deep conversations anymore. We are not going out. Nothing. No dirty talk, no jokes

And each time I ask her, she just has a defensive wall, citing tiredness, busy with work. I mean, who is not busy with work. And I do not intend to compare our workloads. Anyway, she does not initiate anything. I am actually very frustrated with all these, and I am not sure what else to. I have slowly began to understand what some men end up violating the marriage rule. We signed up for monogamy. But not for celibacy.

Our son is older now, and it is easier to manage him on our own. Although we are still sending him to the baby-sitter on the weekdays. Despite all these, she still has no mood for any husband and wife time. Next year, we will be sending our son to nursery. I can already forsee the other excuses that may come.

What should I do? Go to therapy and waste money? By the way, we're in our mid 30s, and our issues began right after having our son - only child, and wife does not want another one sad.gif 

We've been together since we were teenagers. I can also confirm there's no adultery involved as both of us are working from home and hardly go out.

I really feel like I am going through some kinda of mental torture at the moment. There have been nights were I have cried to bed thinking about this. Like, why do I deserve this? It gets very lonely considering that she is the one person I love with all my heart. But deeply inside, I know I cannot live like this. I am getting older, and I do not wish to waste my life by not receiving any love from my spouse.  And the thought of separating is too painful because I do not wish to go through hell, and put my son through hell. He is too young, and innocent.

Any other dads out there who have been through this before? I will really appreciate if you guys could advise me. It's so lonely and I don't know who to talk to. I did try asking some female colleagues previously, without shedding much detail, and they just shoved it aside. Of course, siding a fellow woman. I am not sure if men even talk about this openly.

rclxub.gif  bangwall.gif  cry.gif
*
The bolded part could be root the cause. How open is she to talk about it or she just sweep it under the carpet / avoid the discussion ?

I faced the same life resistance during my mid 30s as well. I talked about it with my wife, it is the psychology fear of unplanned pregnancy - condom or morning after pill is out of tolerance. That time, we no longer want any more kids. I made a decisive decision, if that fear is the cause of the life resistance, I'll remove the cause of the fear. I took 2 days off, went for the vasectomy at KPJ, the frequency of intimacy are coming back, in fact it is better now. My wife seems to enjoy the sex now without the fear of pregnancy.

That is for my case but not all case is the same. If it is not this issue but other issue, don't go for vasectomy blindly.

*Also, don't talk about the marriage issue with the female colleagues, you will invite unnecessary "tribulation" to your marriage.

This post has been edited by nihility: Oct 12 2022, 03:47 PM
nihility
post Jun 9 2023, 08:13 PM

Regular
******
Senior Member
1,251 posts

Joined: Sep 2021


QUOTE(loui @ Jun 8 2023, 09:46 PM)
My wife is very emotional when it comes to our son

Everytime he is sick or refuse to eat or cry non stop, she will be very emotional.
I think your wife unable to cope with the change of the lifestyle with the arrival of the baby. Anyone helping out or you are on your own when dealing with the baby?

Shout, cry, throw plate, pour all out on me (but never on the baby)
Her treatment toward you seems like she is silently blaming you on her current condition - " you're the own who made all mess the things happened onto her".

I did sat her down many times, tell her that if she can't cope, just pass to me and walk away

It is like one hand I need to calm my son down, another hand I need to calm her down

Is it something common happen to you all and if yes, how do you cope with the emotional outburst from your spouse

I find it very emotional taxing to me hence I no longer keen to have another children

It is the life learning process when become a parent & raising the children. Everyone will have their 1st time. Some young parent are more fortunate because there are someone elder within their family to guide them going through the phase. Some young parent are just not fortunate but have to learn from trial & error/ self learn from reading  / online.

You got to get her mix with the friends with similar phase of life, so that they can exchange pointers/ tips on how to take care of the baby.

The 1st one is the hardest, the subsequent one, it will be easier because you already have the experience dealing with the process before.

Also, be cautious on the postpartum depression like another forumer posted. You may want to bring her to seek the treatment early.


*
nihility
post Jun 10 2023, 09:41 PM

Regular
******
Senior Member
1,251 posts

Joined: Sep 2021


QUOTE(loui @ Jun 10 2023, 01:34 AM)
Both of our parents are ready to help

But when it comes to our son, she refused to let others to get involved

Hence I feel like stuck in a situation where all I can do is to pray that she will grow emotionally
*
Have you try to get her own mother to talk to her? Maybe if her mother speak to her, she will be more willing to listen.
nihility
post Jun 13 2023, 12:01 PM

Regular
******
Senior Member
1,251 posts

Joined: Sep 2021


QUOTE(loui @ Jun 13 2023, 11:39 AM)
Done that, didn't turn out well

In fact, it gotten worst
*
Sorry, to hear that. You cannot eliminate the possibility of postpartum depression at this point, seek professional help early.




 

Change to:
| Lo-Fi Version
0.0437sec    0.34    7 queries    GZIP Disabled
Time is now: 29th March 2024 - 01:24 AM