It is me again guys. I previously shared the challenges I was going through with my wife. And sadly, things are not much different this year. Personally I have ramped up my responsibilities in making sure I help out more with house work. However, sex is life is still non-existent. And to make it worse, she doesn't even touch me sexually, and there's absolutely no intimacy whatsoever. We do not have and deep conversations anymore. We are not going out. Nothing. No dirty talk, no jokes
And each time I ask her, she just has a defensive wall, citing tiredness, busy with work. I mean, who is not busy with work. And I do not intend to compare our workloads. Anyway, she does not initiate anything. I am actually very frustrated with all these, and I am not sure what else to. I have slowly began to understand what some men end up violating the marriage rule. We signed up for monogamy. But not for celibacy.
Our son is older now, and it is easier to manage him on our own. Although we are still sending him to the baby-sitter on the weekdays. Despite all these, she still has no mood for any husband and wife time. Next year, we will be sending our son to nursery. I can already forsee the other excuses that may come.
What should I do? Go to therapy and waste money? By the way, we're in our mid 30s, and our issues began right after having our son - only child, and wife does not want another one
We've been together since we were teenagers. I can also confirm there's no adultery involved as both of us are working from home and hardly go out.
I really feel like I am going through some kinda of mental torture at the moment. There have been nights were I have cried to bed thinking about this. Like, why do I deserve this? It gets very lonely considering that she is the one person I love with all my heart. But deeply inside, I know I cannot live like this. I am getting older, and I do not wish to waste my life by not receiving any love from my spouse. And the thought of separating is too painful because I do not wish to go through hell, and put my son through hell. He is too young, and innocent.
Any other dads out there who have been through this before? I will really appreciate if you guys could advise me. It's so lonely and I don't know who to talk to. I did try asking some female colleagues previously, without shedding much detail, and they just shoved it aside. Of course, siding a fellow woman. I am not sure if men even talk about this openly.
The bolded part could be root the cause. How open is she to talk about it or she just sweep it under the carpet / avoid the discussion ?
I faced the same life resistance during my mid 30s as well. I talked about it with my wife, it is the psychology fear of unplanned pregnancy - condom or morning after pill is out of tolerance. That time, we no longer want any more kids. I made a decisive decision, if that fear is the cause of the life resistance, I'll remove the cause of the fear. I took 2 days off, went for the vasectomy at KPJ, the frequency of intimacy are coming back, in fact it is better now. My wife seems to enjoy the sex now without the fear of pregnancy.
That is for my case but not all case is the same. If it is not this issue but other issue, don't go for vasectomy blindly.
*Also, don't talk about the marriage issue with the female colleagues, you will invite unnecessary "tribulation" to your marriage.