I have a god sister of 7 years old who stays with my mom, currently in primary school.

We received complaints from the school where she has to wear safety pants to school, and the topic kind of came up between me and my mom as we were shopping for those. She came to our house as a few weeks old baby, so she practically grew up with us. My family consists mainly of boys, me and my brother, my cousins who are all boys except for 2 girls. So yeah, having her being interested in cars over dolls, building her own pc at the age of 6, and preferring to DIY her small homework table isn't really something I've never seen before whilst growing up with my two female cousins.

The problem is that she simply can't behave like a lady when she's in school. She bullied her classmates in kindergarten, and now she can't sit like a lady in class. I suppose she got that from her jie jies sitting like a boss during our gatherings, that nobody bothers since it's at home, but she wouldn't sit properly outside of the house despite all of us rectifying her whenever we could. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Another issue is that she dislikes talking to her classmates cause all of them speaks Mandarin, of which I don't know what to reply her with, since I have that same darn problem myself even as an adult.

I also have a friend like this...

She always sit like a boss and dont know the boys are peeping her under..wear
got damn

I've seen a girl who didn't even wear underwear and had one of her feet on those tofu grit door grills during exams back in secondary. It was fun back then to signal all the dudes and everyone suddenly wants to make a trip to the toilet just to have a glance. It's horrifying now knowing that my sister might turn out to be like that, though she wears underwear, it's still horrifying.

why you so hamsap haha

maybe 2 years before,at form 3，my class monitor,she always behave like a boy haha
throughout the years.....she've been peeked by many boys lol.
But I dont like to peek girls..

She always sit like a boy with leg apart...then the boys....

Boys will always be boys I suppose. Moreover it's secondary, I remember once where the girls flock towards a car found with a dude fapping in it during their red crescent flag day. Hormones and curiosity definitely applies both ways.

That aside, do you have any suggestion on how to help my sister?

lol that guy fapping is ....

ok back to topic,she isnt chinese?cus she dont like classmates speak mandarin

Build pc at 6yo? Seriously if that is true, she can even wear nothing and be proud showing it off.

Btw guys not allowed to open thread in GC

Chinese. We speak English at home.

Yeah, we allow her to join in when we do stuff like painting the house or assembling something. So when she hit 6, we thought she would need a pc, and we guided her through the process with some old parts. Cable management was my brother though, even I don't wanna deal with that crap. On my last trip back home, she complains about how the teacher refers to the case as CPU. That doesn't mean she can walk around naked right?

That sucks, I have no idea where to post this. Cause I suppose only the females have a clue on what to do with her?

This post has been edited by KingDamo: Jan 31 2016, 05:44 PM

your sister is behave like my ex-class monitor.
Maybe she need someone (girls) guide her.This is the only way I think.
She starting to behave like a man

Just let her be what she wants.
Get her safety pants. When she grows older she will learn to be girly, or maybe a tomboy.
Even if tomboy but ine day still will turn into girl.
Like few of my frens

It is environment influence. If a girl grow up in a male majority evironment, high percentage she will turns like a man. Same goes to boy who grow up in female majority he will acts girlish.

Yeah, hoping for her to realise it. Best if she could skip the tomboy part.

I feel so bad reading this statement, it can't be true right? All we wanted was for her to be strong and independent but not to the point where she forgets her gender.

Do you think piano would help? But she already has her swimming lessons and Chinese schools make their standard ones stay back for tuition until late afternoon. Plus I don't really want my mother to drive too much.

It is not about what class or lesson she attended. She behave according to what she see. I mean if she see guy sit with legs wide open and she will think that it is ok to be like that. Even when you tell her that gender make difference, it wouldn't help much because she already carved that image in her mind. I have a cousin who even wear man brief instead of panties. And she do not like to mix with girls because she hate girlish apperance. This could turn serious yo. Guide her properly.

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honestly, i'm impressed with what your 7 year old god sister can do.
don't worry so much about that though. it's still a long way to go.
some girls will grow up to be more ladylike esp when they start developing crushes.

still, if you're worried, maybe you and your brother should treat her like a lady so that she knows what's it like to be treated as one.
ur mom can help by reminding her to be mindful of how she sits. it takes time though simply cause sometimes sitting like guys are just SO comfortable even for us girls. haha I rmb back when I was in primary 3 or 4, one of my classmates also sat with her legs open. She had safety pants on. My teacher then gathered all of us girls and talked to us about sitting properly 'like a girl' and decency.
oh, u should also probably need to set a ground rule with ur sister on how to act in public. public =/= home. maybe that will help.

all in all, it takes constant reminding for kids. don't give up.

mandarin part: she's in chinese school don't worry about it. she will slowly pick it up that is if you don't focus on the grades.
my son, eventhough studies in chinese primary school still prefers to speak in english and can only speak a handful of mandarin.

mark my work
she will be a leng lui when she grow older
just let her be

Thread moved to Serious Kopitiam.
You might also wanna check out Parenting subforum on this issue. But I believe you will get better response here in Serious /k.

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Thanks, I know I shouldn't worry too much, but it just can't be helped I suppose. It's like wanting to give the best to her but not sure if it's done right. I want her to be emotionally strong so no scums would break her heart when she grows up, but now I'm worried about her being too manly. It's sounds stupid and it probably is, but can't help but to think of all these things.

There's once where I bought those secret garden colouring book and thought her how to do shading and blending. Me, my mom and her would then sit down and colour together. After sometime, she trolled us by colouring her side with a full rainbow gradient from left to right. While I do can't help but to find it funny and laughed with her, deep down I know that it's me and my brother's fault for making her this way. We tend to buy more girly stuff for her nowadays, but she would rather play with our decades old toys like hot wheels and transformers, wouldn't even bother to look at those bracelet kits or the thing that lets you make fake plastic food.

I mean it's ok to have preference, but I just hope she would at least be more aware of the way she moves and the way she sits. I've spoken to my cousin sisters and they have agreed to talk to her on their next trip back to Malaysia, which is middle of this year. It's just annoying that she wouldn't listen to us and knowing that me and my bro is the cause of it all.

Mandarin wise, like you said, knowing the Chinese schools, they'll probably drill it into her brains. Just hoping that she won't end up discriminating people or alienated for not speaking Mandarin. How's your son doing in terms of making friends in school?

Thanks munkeyflo. I've lurked around Parenting for some time and the topics are mostly about handling babies though.

From what I've read so far, I think u, ur bro and ur mom are doing fine. don't pressure yourselves too much.
Diff kids have diff personalities. they will figure it out eventually.
Oh, and bracelet kits and the make fake plastic food are a waste of money anyway.

i am a divorcee. me and my 2 kids live with my sisters so my son basically grew up in a 'lady's world'. like you, i was also very worried he may turn out ladylike but after 5 years, he still does guy things like playing guns, dinosaurs and going to robotics class. he's 10 now. he knows what a girl should(n't) do and what a boy should(n't) do. Also take it from me, someone who grew up with 3 sisters, there's no guarantee growing up with no brothers makes you more ladylike. I was quite a tomboy, grew up with short hair and all and I didn't like doing girly things so much. Still prefer wearing pants than skirts though i dont sit with my legs wide open. haha. again, just keep on reminding her to sit with her legs close. my 7 yo daughter still does it every now and then.

so long as you bring ur sister out mingling with other kids in the playground or mamak stall (what better place to see chinese, malays and indians together sitting, eating, chatting away happily without any prejudice), they won't discriminate ppl. In most cases, children learn to discriminate by watching their parents & other family members doing it. my son can barely speak BM so i deliberately bring my kids to mamak stall so they will learn to speak BM there and they can see that there's no problem mingling with other ppl other than our own race.

Honestly, my son does have problems making friends in school. He always tells me he's a loner in school but I figured it out that it wasn't because of his inability to speak fluent mandarin but because he just prefers to be alone. He doesn't have 'certain' friends or a gang. Kids will be kids, everyone is a friend to a certain extent.

Don't sweat it too much. Same situation as mine and I turn out fine. HAHHAHA.

And my friends used to be Malays/Bumiputras... It's only when I'm in high school that I have few Chinese friends.
None in uni, mostly acquaintances, but when start working, that's when I like really start interacting with Chinese ppl (other than family) everyday.

As long as she's not disliking her classmates because they're of different race.

It IS a waste of money, being a scout lets you learn how to make practical cords and cook real food for free and those toys simply felt like a rip off. Especially when she doesn't even touch it. It's just sitting there collecting dust. And I thought it was only me who felt that girl toys are a waste of money. There's once when my uncle brought her to toys r us, and suggested buying her some sand castle kit, she said, "For what? You clean ah?" That made my day.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, it eased my mind. We live in a Malay neighbourhood with us being the only Chinese family, so she has no problems mingling with the Malay kids as they run about the streets during the evening sembangs or menyumpat group of which my mom is a proud member. Indians wise, my brother only has Indian friends, and whenever my drinking buddies come over, majority of them are Indians. Our Chinese friends and relatives either speaks English or Cantonese, so she has zero exposure to Mandarin speakers, which is probably the cause. Like your son, she complains a lot about not having friends and not being able to understand what the teacher says. But as you mentioned, kids will be kids, I'll just keep myself updated for now and probably give her a pet talk if it's really bad.

Yeah, I suppose you're right. As long as she doesn't turn out to be racist, it's better than any lesson she can be sent to.

thats hot dont worry about it

This post has been edited by monochrome1234: Feb 4 2016, 12:25 PM

If I may add in...she is still kinda young now...wait until the hormones kick in. And hey, not all girls like to play with girls' stuff i have seen a video online, a 10+ yrs old girl built her dad a freaking plane! So imagine that..dun wipe off her talent, instead understand what she likes and strengthen the interest of hers

pros of that is that she sounds like she can handle herself independently and not gonna rely on men when she grows up.

This!

Following from other comment b4 me, the girl might be naturally mimicking boys' lifestyle because surrounded by boys & no/less guidance from other females.

Yeah, I know it's too early to worry, but I prefer prevention as opposed to hugging the buddha's leg when shit hits the fan. Moreover, she will most likely be placed in a boarding international school for her secondary, it depends on multiple factors then. Best to instil in her all the necessary teachings before she heads on to that phase of life. I'll keep what you said in mind, should really take a good look at her interests and probably develop it.

Yeah, it's sort of our family teachings to never cry, to never say I don't know, and to do everything by your own. We are proud of her, but we don't want her to go all masculine and start behaving like a man.

i dunno, forgot d, but do they have pants as uniform for girls? that could work.

and about not being ladylike, she's 7. she'll start to realize how to be proper as she grows up.

Seems like your sister is going to grow up all right.

haih, talking bout girls acting like a boy, i regret last time during my form 3-5 life, used to be a girl who dress up like a boy n we play basketball together and go back together , literally she is like a best guy fren to me. she did signal me tat she like me, i wasnt interested in her.

long short we went our seperated way. now im 26, i go stalk her fb again, dam she is not a hottie, haih.. feel regret.