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 Married Ppl pls advice

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gingerlysnow
post Oct 16 2015, 05:01 AM

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You both need to go see a (professional) marriage counsellor, not either of your auntie uncle hor. There's no point us advising you alone as you are not married to yourself. Both husband and wife must be willing to take in advice.

I'm a girl and I see that in this situation, your wife is at fault. Your wife imagined you as Li Ka-Shing but you're not. I see that you are trying very hard in this marriage so all of her unrealistic demands is entirely her own problem. Actually vacationing to Europe is not impossible. Thousands of Malaysians go to Europe each year. As long as she is willing to work with you as a team many of your goals can be achieved as a couple. I believe that a marriage is teamplay and nothing else. One side cannot afford to be lazy, it's either sink or swim together. She needs to get real or get out and find a richer husband.

Again, none of these problems is create by you. She just has completely different expectations as to what a marriage should be like. Good luck.
ezwann
post Oct 16 2015, 05:14 AM

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Check her friendlist...ask her to stop IG or facebook where she finds most of her friend is going trips here and there.
silvertoes
post Oct 16 2015, 05:31 AM

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QUOTE(Juan86 @ Sep 28 2015, 03:12 AM)
your wife mixed with the wrong bunch of friend

she usually go instagram and facebook ?

friend showing off new bag and trip to europe ?

you have to sit down and talk, no point comparing other wealth, this is never ending story
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QUOTE(ezwann @ Oct 16 2015, 05:14 AM)
Check her friendlist...ask her to stop IG or facebook where she finds most of her friend is going trips here and there.
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i know some of friend's wives that heavily influenced by jealousy towards their old friends that are wealthier.. especially they go apeshit crazy if that old friends was 'below their rank' long time ago doh.gif


TSBluetec888
post Oct 18 2015, 06:33 PM

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QUOTE(iamhercules @ Oct 11 2015, 07:05 PM)
Based on from what TS described , here is what I summarized ,

1. TS probably met his wife back then in uni (overseas), spent lavishly to court her, somehow misled her into thinking that TS is rich .

2. TS wife possesses very "princess syndrome" , very typical phenomenon especially among middle and upper middle class Malaysian Chinese.

Typical "princess syndrome" :
1. your money is mine, my money is mine.
2. expecting husband to shoulder a family responsibility by himself ( like the old days of our parents)
3. yet refuses to do what our mum does ( like the old days of our parents)
4. always want "equality" but reality is they want ALL, not equality.
5. loves comparing everything happening around her with her closest one. 
3. for TS, probably due to "face problem", would not tell his actual financial situation.

The importance of having a "face"
1. in most situations, simply cannot lose and must have "face". Being a Chinese, for sure can comprehend this .

To me, the damage is already done, TS should open up and communicate with his wife frankly and try to sort things out with her .

Otherwise, just a divorce.
*
Ehmm.. u are somehow right...

But is not faceproblem.. when we are both together time (not married).. i can spend more lavish lifestyle coz no commitment + high income job..

But after doing biz.. i need alot standby cash for cashflow due to many uncertainty.. this is the part she could not understand..
redtrooper
post Oct 18 2015, 09:50 PM

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QUOTE(Bluetec888 @ Sep 28 2015, 01:23 AM)
Recently I always had very bad arguement with my wife and i hope somebody can advice me

I know my wife for 10 years and we been married for 2 years with a few months baby.

Im 30+ self employed man and My wife however is a exec working in another company. Both of us same age.

I would put our life as good by malaysian standard

We live in a house fully paid and fully renovated by me.
I paid everything for the household expense, baby items etc
Every single meal we dine , i paid too and dine frequently at good restaurant like tgi friday or rukenzen etc
I do most of the housework too and had maid too

However, after married my wife always complaint about me and we always have arguement.

She always say I did not give her money for her own expenses. And she is not happy and always say i stingy cheapskate etc etc

I try telling her many times, is not that i dowan to give her money to let her enjoy more, it is becoz I cant afford more after deducting all the expenses above. Sometimes she also blame me for not taking her to europe or those expensive trip.

I try telling her that give me sometime to earn more money so i can be a better person to her, but seems like she just always looks dissappointed marrying me.

By looking at this perpective am i the 1 wrong or her?
*
I believe she did try to make a comparison with other guy or her friends as well. She probably will said ".. you see how other husband treat their wife.. xxx husband just brought his wife a 30k diamond.. so romance.. "..

in my point of view, you have done a great job as a man. you did housework even you have a maid, you paid everything, and you have your own business as well. Many women out there are do not have a lucky life like her, honestly speaking.

My advice, stop complaining and demanding. Ask her to enjoy what she have now. It is not decent, it is consider luxury. Europe trip is just a timely manner, just wait as you are still young, 30+.


eikhwan4
post Oct 20 2015, 09:26 AM

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this wife is no good. teach him how to syukurr
cfa28
post Oct 20 2015, 12:29 PM

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TS, if you had no kid, I would advice you to divorce your wife and start fresh with another woman.

But you have a kid and this would not be fair to your kid.

This is one of the problem of marriage, we get all confused between love, commitment and responsibility.

You have a few options.

Denial Syndrome. Most ppl including me practice this. Just pretend you did not hear your wife speaking nonsense and hope she does not nag you on such nonsense.

Speak nicely and explain. Tell her the cash is for your biz and future children expenses and hope she understand. Ask her to unfollow all her stupid FB friends.

Scold her if speaking nicely does not work.

Seek professional counselling, psychiatrist, etc if her continue nonsense on Europe trips is giving you too much stress.

If all else fails, it either Denial.Syndrome or Lawyer up and protect your assets and seek custody of your kid.


panda-man
post Oct 21 2015, 02:12 PM

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QUOTE(Bluetec888 @ Oct 1 2015, 08:27 PM)
Thanks for all the advice, after talking to her i would say she do not know how much i am making, now that i have communicate and honest with her she seems to understand a little more. I now allocate a monthly budget for her to manage... hopes things will be better
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10 years and she didnt know how you were making? to me thats a bit weird. i dont know the situation fully as its only your side. but i believe that when it comes to finances, both sides need to be open about it. even though its scary and embarassing sometimes. i already respect you lots for having fully paid off house man. hahah.
~hunter~
post Oct 22 2015, 08:33 AM

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QUOTE(Bluetec888 @ Oct 18 2015, 06:33 PM)
Ehmm.. u are somehow right...

But is not faceproblem.. when we are both together time (not married).. i can spend more lavish lifestyle coz no commitment + high income job..

But after doing biz.. i need alot standby cash for cashflow due to many uncertainty.. this is the part she could not understand..
*
I am not sure if this helps but normally what i do to my spouse is i show her transparently in a spreadsheet how much i earn, how much is my expenses & commitment and also how much i am able to save. Its more like a cash flow table with forecasted income and saving for 1 year.

By showing her facts she would understand the outcome and circumstances if she spends lavishly.

In my experience, married women tend to judge by ball park figure on their husbands salary. i.e. "you can get 15k a month, how come we only have this..this..this". Open up the spreadsheet than she will keep quite.

My 2 cents.


icp
post Oct 22 2015, 08:47 AM

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» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


ahh, money..there is your problem..
if u put "money" out of the equation, then it will solve all your problems..
seriously,you got to prioritize..

hopefully this chart will help u,

user posted image

and good luck!

omara86
post Oct 23 2015, 09:46 AM

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stupid ungrateful wife, dump her n get a new 1.
Ashsher
post Oct 23 2015, 09:49 AM

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QUOTE(Bluetec888 @ Sep 28 2015, 12:23 AM)
Recently I always had very bad arguement with my wife and i hope somebody can advice me

I know my wife for 10 years and we been married for 2 years with a few months baby.

Im 30+ self employed man and My wife however is a exec working in another company. Both of us same age.

I would put our life as good by malaysian standard

We live in a house fully paid and fully renovated by me.
I paid everything for the household expense, baby items etc
Every single meal we dine , i paid too and dine frequently at good restaurant like tgi friday or rukenzen etc
I do most of the housework too and had maid too

However, after married my wife always complaint about me and we always have arguement.

She always say I did not give her money for her own expenses. And she is not happy and always say i stingy cheapskate etc etc

I try telling her many times, is not that i dowan to give her money to let her enjoy more, it is becoz I cant afford more after deducting all the expenses above. Sometimes she also blame me for not taking her to europe or those expensive trip.

I try telling her that give me sometime to earn more money so i can be a better person to her, but seems like she just always looks dissappointed marrying me.

By looking at this perpective am i the 1 wrong or her?
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silent and divorce her,,,, ungrateful wife...

mousqy
post Oct 23 2015, 11:10 AM

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social media mmg merosakkan minda wanita2 yg masih tak nampak ianya perlumbaan yg sia-sia
salimbest83
post Oct 23 2015, 11:12 AM

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WOW.. JUST WOW..
with that life above.. i think my waifu getting alot less than her
Blindspot61
post Oct 23 2015, 11:42 AM

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I really sympathize with you.
With such a mindset, its very difficult to change or think logically UNLESS something drastic happens when only will she walk up.

Its kind hard to believe that after being together for 10 years before getting married, there's so much changes in her.

My feeling is maybe you might have notice some of her characters but choose to close 1 eye, thinking maybe you can handle it when things got worst?

When people are in love, they chose to ignore those short coming. This type of egoistic character doesn't come over nite or in a short span of time.

I am not trying to fault you here just that in reality these things happens i.e. close 1 eye etc bcos of love.

As I see it you have been doing great in your responsibilities towards your family and this type of stress being put upon you is very unnecessary and unfair.

I have quit my permanent job (~9k/month) to go into business and its been 2+years now and its not doing well. This year am doing very bad. Luckily my wife is still very supporting towards me and I am so grateful.

Tell your wife she should be grateful and not to waste time in those petty things. Life is too short to be living in such tense atmosphere.
gigantor
post Oct 23 2015, 04:18 PM

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well, you can renovate your house , eat at premium places, you SHOULD have some money to at least bring her to Europe etc. Seriously if you plan properly, going there wouldnt cost a lot, you, wife and baby only ma.

but the trick is to talk to her, create a plan or something.
Oh you bring family for Europe for 2 weeks, it will shut her nagging for at least a year. try lah.
KelleyPlay
post Oct 23 2015, 06:39 PM

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Redefine the problem.. Woman thinking is complicated..

Is it "She wants more relax life and travel trip" because she think that can PROVE how much you LOVE her????

Or she say that just to TEST you love your money more or love her more???

If it is just a test, then you need to do sometime VERY2 Romantic and Touched Her once and for all until she cry.. and trust how much you love her.... (I do not know how to be Romantic but watch more Korean Love Drama might help..)

If this is what her Parents asked her to say, then you need to KAO TIM her Parents...

But from Financial Planning point of view, you can let her manage your house hold Financial Income Statement next month so she will have a "taste" and know not easy to manage money..

Once she finished doing the accounting, you just pay the bills and expenses and allocate your Trip budget according to her planning. (But don't give money directly to her)

For the cheap trip, maybe can go koh lipe island at Thailand. A romantic place like Maldives.




oc_rooney
post Oct 24 2015, 10:04 PM

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QUOTE(Bluetec888 @ Sep 28 2015, 12:23 AM)
Recently I always had very bad arguement with my wife and i hope somebody can advice me

I know my wife for 10 years and we been married for 2 years with a few months baby.

Im 30+ self employed man and My wife however is a exec working in another company. Both of us same age.

I would put our life as good by malaysian standard

We live in a house fully paid and fully renovated by me.
I paid everything for the household expense, baby items etc
Every single meal we dine , i paid too and dine frequently at good restaurant like tgi friday or rukenzen etc
I do most of the housework too and had maid too

However, after married my wife always complaint about me and we always have arguement.

She always say I did not give her money for her own expenses. And she is not happy and always say i stingy cheapskate etc etc

I try telling her many times, is not that i dowan to give her money to let her enjoy more, it is becoz I cant afford more after deducting all the expenses above. Sometimes she also blame me for not taking her to europe or those expensive trip.

I try telling her that give me sometime to earn more money so i can be a better person to her, but seems like she just always looks dissappointed marrying me.

By looking at this perpective am i the 1 wrong or her?
*
Well, i offered my wife money the other day and told her that this is her pocket money but she refused it nicely.

Am not in a position to say that your wife is a gold digger because is do not know you nor her personally.

Maybe there's something that she is hiding that bring the anger?

Cuba fikir balik, is there anything that you did wrong?

Women mmg susah sangat nak bukak topik bg tahu whats their problem (even i faced that)

Perhaps maybe you can do is, bawak bini kau pergi honey moon ke or romantic dinner or buat macam ni:

Sayang, I rasa abang skrg org yg paling bahagia skrg sbb dapat berkawin dgn wanita yg disayangi dan dikurniakan anak yg comel dan jugak on the way yg kedua ni. dan yg paling bahagia sbb sayang memang isteri yg solehah yg membantu jaga abang, jaga anak, memasak dan sebagai nya.Abang sangat sayang2. Memang bertuah.

Tpi skrg. Abang sedih jugak sbb abang nampak isteri kesayangan abang moody dan abang tak tahu mcm mana nak bahagiakan atau nak berkongsi kesakitan yg sayang menghadapi. Memang abang merana dan sakit hati jugak sbb tengok isteri moody tapi tak tahu mengapa. Abang sangat2 nak tahu masaalah sayang supaya abang boleh tolong memikul beban yg mungkin sayang ade. Disaat abang berkawin dgn sayang, abang dah berjanji utk berkongsi semua happiness dan sadness together. I cuma berharap sayang sedia meluahkan perasaan sayang kat abanag supaya abang lebih memahami.

Tahu tak kebanyakan perkara dalam dunia ni boleh diatasi, dan jugak banyak perkara yg kita sendiri tk boleh menyelesaikan, unless berkongsi dgn org lain.dan abang bersedia mendengar apa2 saja yg sayang nak ceritakan...Tolong lah abang supaya boleh memahami hati sayang...abanag betul2 sayang kan isteri dan meamng nak memahami isi hati sayang supaya sama2 boleh menyelesaikan masaalah yg ade dan menjadi pasanagan yg paling happy.

Kalau sayang agak susah utk membuka hati mcm ni, sayang boleh guna cara lain yg sayang selesa, misalnya guna whatsapp, voice message, atau pun email pun abang tak kisah...asalkan sayang rela ceritakan dan luah kan perasaan u. Abang akan tunggu jawapan sayang dan tak akan paksa sayang.. Ingat ayat2 abang ni. Abang memang sayang isteri abang dgn sepenuh hati.

Ok tak?


steadystream
post Oct 24 2015, 10:14 PM

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i try to not hit add reply button but shia labaeof keeping telling me to ' DO IT ' lol but im not going to say something useful anyway, i way too cynical , so i better not say anythings.
Kit II
post Oct 25 2015, 06:17 PM

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princess syndrome

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