TS.

sorry to hear that but u r not alone.

Religion, if u have faith in a religion, pray and learn more. Not seeking it to help your situation, but seeking it for better understanding. Focus on that.

Exercise. It helps a lot. Force yourself to have a regime so u are doing something. But don't overdo it. Again, learn and study which exercise u wanna try out, try different things but keep it safe.

Go out. Make it a point to never stay at home the whole day . Ever. Do not think Whr u gonna go, just go, w money in your pocket for transport and food. That's good enough.

Don't try to understand your depressions, be coz if we could do that, we wouldn't be in such state. It will only spiral downwards uncontralabily.

Food and diet. Eat fresh, and eat well. Find out which food brings u down and which may be better for you under such circumstances. For example, coffee, alcohol, junk food, may make things worst.

A holistic approach is best.

While I do agree going to gov hospital may be bad, as the medication given can be very very strong. But there is no harm trying. I heard UM Is better compared to HKL. the fees ain't exp at all, say maybe rm20 w mess and consultation. Bad part is u don't always get the same doc. But it would be a start, as u get used to it, how it feels like seeking professional help. If u think the mess is too strong ; too blur, a blank mind, emotionless; tell that to the doc, and maybe asked for a different prescription.

Do not expect a magic pill to make this all go away, it is a lifetime commitment to understand yourself. There will be ups and downs handling it. Take heart, you are only growing.

So .., think, do... Do not think too much, just do. Then come back tweak it and do. U will be less in a downward spiral as days pass. Do not set a goal, take it day to day. Be kind to yourself. Stop being too critical of yourself and the situation. Do talk to friends and family, someone you feel comfortable sharing and crying. Perfectly normal to cry.

Have a blessed day.