QUOTE(Luke Bryan @ Aug 1 2015, 02:57 PM)
Hi guys, I'm a fresh graduate guy. Can you guys help me improve my cover letter? I'm still unsure whether my cover letter is good or not.
I have a few questions that I want to ask.
1) If the website just provide the HR email only, how do i address the person? Should i write Dear Sir/Madam or Dear Hiring Manager?
2) What do you think about my explanation for my skills in this cover letter? Is it good enough?
3) Do i need to attach the cover letter? Or just write the cover letter in our Email body?
4) My cover letter format is true or wrong?
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Luke Bryan xxx
No Jalan Meranti Bunga xxx
Taman xx xxx
41050 Klang Selangor Darul Ehsan.
30 July 2015
The Human Resource Department
xxxxxx
No 1, Jln BP 14/7, Bandar Bukit Puchong 2,
47120, Puchong, Selangor Darul Ehsan
Dear Hiring Manager (If the company just gave email address, what proper name should i put?
APPLICATION FOR xxxxxxx POSITION
I am very interested in joining your xxxxxx Position. I refer to your advertisement placed in xxxxxxx website. I have been looking to secure a challenging and exciting xxxxx position in your organisation, where I might have the opportunity to progress and develop my skills.
I'm currently enrolled in the final year of Bachelor of Information Science (Hons) in Resource Center Management course at the xxxxxx and will graduate in May 2016.
I am a self-motivated, proactive and dynamic individual that very keen to learn new skills and knowledge. Different than a normal student, I was an active student in extra co-curricular activities inside the campus. I was a Committee of Quality and 5S for xxx College Representative Committee at the Universiti xxxxxxx.
My active involvement in many program such as being a Facilitator for University Orientation Week has prepared me well in nurturing my interpersonal and communication skills which are essential in working environment. Despite of not having any working experiences, I have gone through a five month industrial training during my final year of the study where I was given a task equivalent to a management executive. I have performed well during the training which had helped me exposed to various management skills and practical knowledge.
I feel that my abilities would provide a positive influence within your organisation and I would welcome the opportunity to discuss my interest further. I have attached the resume and can be contacted on xxx between the hours of 9 a.m to 9 p.m and the following email address: xxxxxx@gmail.com.
Thank you for your consideration.
Yours Sincerely,
xxxxxxx
Hi Luke,
1. You can just address it to "Dear Sir/Madam" if you do not know the person who will be going through your cover letter/resume.
2. The explanation looks good but I have to comment on the 3rd paragraph where you mentioned that you're different than a normal student. I feel that it is not necessary to downplay other potential candidates to make yourself look good. Your sentence here generalizes that all you're the only student who was active in etc etc which I can guarantee you is not true. If it were me, I would scrap that whole paragraph and put the sentence starting from "I was a committee of quality etc etc to the 4th paragraph.
Words like motivated, proactive, dynamic etc isn't very well suited in a cover letter. My reasoning is that all you're doing here is spewing out words to glorify yourself. What you need to do is not say, but show what you have. I think your fourth paragraph is a very good example of you showing your experience.
3. This really depends on whether there were any instructions left on the page where you got the info to send the cover/resume to. Some, more formal companies prefer it as a separate attachment due to the weird formatting that happens on various email clients, for example from gmail > MS Outlook > Lotus Notes. I would advise that you attach the cover letter. In the email body, state what the purpose of your email is such as where you got the contact from, the reason for the email and a short description of the attachments that you are including in the email.
4. Format is correct. I've never seen any cover letter format that isn't like yours.