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 Stay-At-Home Mom VS Working Mom, Share your exp and comment

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SUSsupersound
post May 13 2015, 05:23 PM

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QUOTE(cc980024 @ May 13 2015, 04:16 PM)
I think you get me wrong. We put our salaries together as a pool and allocate the budget accordingly. The household pool includes everything. Did I ever mention how much % allocated to each of those?  biggrin.gif
Our houseloan alone is just 10% from the total amount we contributed into this monthly household pool. tongue.gif No car loan as hubby is on company car while mine is paid off.
As for investment, we never get into anything risky as financial security is key concern. Those investment I meant are education fund and retirement plan with return more than FD (objectives is to lock up the $ consistently), apart from the usual savings we must have.

Those are the needs apart of showering love to the kids and putting food on the table.
*
But right after the company finish paying me the outstanding 4-months salary (thought I did not spend much on it as we tried to survive under hubby's salary), there were feelings of insecurity as solely rely on hubby is truly a risk. And no savings for any contingency.
By looking at this, you are not that good already.
If your hubby's income are really can cover everything, you won't have such reply.
cc980024
post May 14 2015, 11:36 AM

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Yup, my hubby income can't cover everything if we were to maintain the existing lifestyle. And of coz no savings for contingency, as discounted out the contribution from my side. By his salary alone, after deducted all expenses, fund, etc, with tiny chunk of RM left in savings account means nothing. And ten of thousands can easily be spend anywhere anytime; and not all emergency can be cover by insurance man. I am more of a "very worry" person, as I tend to calculate how much cash I can left for the guardian to care for the child til he grow up, if suddenly both me and hubby just "bye bye" like tat. And the feeling of insecurity comes in because relying on sole-breadwinner is too risky, reading those news where solebreadwinner died leaving whole family crying for help, is pretty stupid.

Btw, I wanted to laugh reading your comment on me. The message I am trying to let TS understand is that household income is very important, and we strike our best to grow it as much as possible. As $ for household is not just looking at cover expenses. Believe that is the reason her hubby not quite supportive of her idea. Of coz there are ppl make good $ even stay at home, but is it everyone can do so? Like myself, I am not into sales, I tried but fail. I felt selling products/ideas are even more stressful than handling matters for all my stakeholders.

Not suppose to share further.
TS, as a woman, or you may felt that I am an overly worried but these are the thing you need to consider before you make the big decision.

1) Are you sure you can stay away from workforce / stay at home daily? Don't make judgement simply you get bored with your existing job.

2) Weight your salary with your child expenses. Though is not the right word to choose, but still "how much do you think you need to invest on a kid?". Some parents may feel enough to settle with providing food, home, care, tertiary education.
But for my case, my boy somehow get into piano, taekwondo, robotics, swimming, ice-skating (though he just 8 years old). He wanted all that. Ppl may see that is too much for a young kid. But as he requested and he never fail in any of it. Doesn't it painful to stop him for having a chance to try. The only thing I turn him down is wushu (as he had taekwondo already), and deferring drum classes to later (hoping he may forget). And not forgetting, at the moment not starting any tuition yet. And is lucky that he is in morning school with plenty of time for extras. In fact with all the extra activities that he wanted, he seems to be very self-organise as to make sure he maintain his school results, ensuring I won't enroll him into tuition that will take up his time.
So, ask yourself how much you wanted to provide your child besides the unconditional love. Don't forget, a child's need is not just limited to parents' companion, they have other wishes too (of coz buying toys is not the wishes that we grant them).

3) Know your spouse. Think. Is he a family man? I have friends having very happy family with wife staying home as housewife taking care of kids (2-3 own kids), loving husband showering wife with appreciation. So sweet.. really envy and do wish this is forever. Is lucky is spouse having the same mindset but we should never expect spouse always think the way we did. I have heard several advises from aunties that if you can earn your own money, do so. As staying at home, someday when arguement strike, the man will say "Dun challenge me, how much you know.. u are long not in the society." Am not saying all man will be as harsh as that, but only you will know if your hubby will say so. Furthermore, how you can maintain your attractiveness. Although good man won't sway away from wife due to their aged or shape changes, but woman's character/personality change (due to change of environment) may trigger their good man to sway out. If you really gotta stay home, make sure you maintain to be as loving as possible.. dun challenge your sole-breadwinner. As not all man can be so patient.

But if you really wish to try, advised you to make sure you have enough backup ($), that allows you to stay away from workforce like I did. Staying home few months and see if you enjoy it, you shall get the real answer that fits just for yourself.
cc980024
post May 14 2015, 11:55 AM

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TS, another opinion to share.

If we have to sacrifies our career for home, the most important timing is during their teenage years (secondary school).

As Kids in primary school tend to have less problem, and of course you need to compensate as much attention as possible to nurture your primary school kid, and also to develop trust with them. If the kid used to be in daycare mixing around with friends, they won't feel much stress starting with real school.. probably learn to be a bit naughty at start, but will gets better in Std 2. As long as you maintain good communication with him, shouldn't be much problem.

But I have a cousin drop out from school at Form 3 (due to family never know he was at games arcade - ponteng sekolah). He is same age as me. And I have a nephew doing similar ponteng sekolah, hence my cousin sister quit her job and stay home to monitor the son.

If you would like to stay home, either you stay through until they finish Form 5. Or if just for couple of years, probably consider secondary school is more tedious, as they need to go through the big exams.
TSpigrabbit
post May 14 2015, 01:30 PM

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QUOTE(cc980024 @ May 14 2015, 11:55 AM)
TS, another opinion to share.

If we have to sacrifies our career for home, the most important timing is during their teenage years (secondary school).

As Kids in primary school tend to have less problem, and of course you need to compensate as much attention as possible to nurture your primary school kid, and also to develop trust with them. If the kid used to be in daycare mixing around with friends, they won't feel much stress starting with real school.. probably learn to be a bit naughty at start, but will gets better in Std 2. As long as you maintain good communication with him, shouldn't be much problem.

But I have a cousin drop out from school at Form 3 (due to family never know he was at games arcade - ponteng sekolah). He is same age as me. And I have a nephew doing similar ponteng sekolah, hence my cousin sister quit her job and stay home to monitor the son.

If you would like to stay home, either you stay through until they finish Form 5. Or if just for couple of years, probably consider secondary school is more tedious, as they need to go through the big exams.
*
Thanks for your sharing.
I did think over and measure all the circumstance. staying at home mum to be said is 80% negative, unless provided the housewive with secure money. 20% we could earn with loving our kid and family. Gave up your high post career, your high pay salary, no epf, no income, and your professional just to be stay at home. who wants to do that? but god created us with mother-loving character in our soul, all those are nothing except our children are important and would placed in nUmber 1 priority.

we have some commitment, which are a few and could be counted with 5 finger. hoever, sometimes, we need emergency money, that emergency money could trouble our lives.

all i could do is, to be a lecturer or consultant which could stick on with my professional skill. that is good alternative as it only require a few hours job.

dp82
post May 15 2015, 08:26 PM

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QUOTE(pigrabbit @ May 12 2015, 02:19 PM)
thumbs up to the point. God creates eve with mother loving characteristic. So we only thinks about the family and the kids.
i always stuck up daily on what to cook for my husband and my son to get better nutrition. my husband is carnivorous, and likes spicy, so everyday i had to change my menu and upgrade my cooking skills. my mind and soul is always thinking about family, even my solid is at work. i cant concentrate fully, that's why i could and always access to LYN forum, searching for gardening skills, browsing recipe, and release boredom at work. is very free time, not free, but i place the importance at second priority.

it do once flash up my mind, thinking like, what's the point of me getting up early morning to work, just to present up my attendance and get paid monthly with peanuts. i do no performance, no improvement, even my management never keep track on me, and ignoring... i do spent my effort try to makes greatest event and activity for the company, pay full attention to make a perfection presentation slide, but call up meeting no one attend, even have no management support. so i always spend empty soul in the office and left my son with others.

I do once discuss with my spouse that i want to resign and do some homebusiness to support a little, meanwhile i could do my interesting hobby and nurtue my naughty monstar. the response is like negative, "no, business difficult to do", not even your sales could make same pay as yours ..." i'm thinking like i waste my life working.  looking at the ticking clock always spot and count, ah, 3 more hour to go, oh 1 more hour for tea break, yeah 30 minutes left!..... everyday and it has been a year already.

thanks to your point that, when a mom not working, slowly will developed the mental illness, which i could see now as my mother for example. however, i lost my social freedom when i get my baby born. i ask my husband help to take care for baby, but he say no, let him sleep first then only i can go drink with friends. my only colleagues as close friends getting lost contact, always ask for chat out, always say no, because need to care baby....
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Dont forget a typical housewife works 365 days, no AL, no EL, no MC etc. That's life as a housewife. In my opinion its not fair to women & husband plays an important role to strike a balance. Unless, u r those typical women born in the 50's - daughter in law role is to work like a dog n lay like a pig, how many women will like that nowadays.
TSpigrabbit
post May 18 2015, 08:52 AM

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QUOTE(dp82 @ May 15 2015, 08:26 PM)
Dont forget a typical housewife works 365 days, no AL, no EL, no MC etc. That's life as a housewife. In my opinion its not fair to women & husband plays an important role to strike a balance. Unless, u r those typical women born in the 50's - daughter in law role is to work like a dog n lay like a pig, how many women will like that nowadays.
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then you should stay forever alone..
dp82
post May 18 2015, 12:50 PM

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QUOTE(pigrabbit @ May 18 2015, 08:52 AM)
then you should stay forever alone..
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Well this is what i hav seen from my MIL & Mother.
craftsnknots
post May 19 2015, 12:17 PM

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You might want to read this article

http://www.kiddy123.com/article/stretching...re-an-sahm.html

SUSsupersound
post May 19 2015, 02:57 PM

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QUOTE(craftsnknots @ May 19 2015, 12:17 PM)
Sending 3 kids to a day care need to waste rm4500 minimum. Not to mention some are charging rm10 for extra 10 minutes late, food provided are also a question.
For her pay of rm4000, is better she quit the job.
craftsnknots
post May 19 2015, 03:13 PM

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QUOTE(supersound @ May 19 2015, 03:57 PM)
Sending 3 kids to a day care need to waste rm4500 minimum. Not to mention some are charging rm10 for extra 10 minutes late, food provided are also a question.
For her pay of rm4000, is better she quit the job.
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She didn't have 3 kids at the time resigned from her job, just one, and her own mother was taking care of her kid not daycare, so expenses wouldn't have been cheaper.

Not encouraging or discouraging, but RM4.5k these days is kinda low in a competitive environment. Then again, some can manage it. So it is up to TS to evaluate.

Also, it is not just the money, there are other things to consider as well. I'm a working person and would love to continue to work, just my nature that I cannot be at home all the time with housework and such and detaching myself from society. I do think working keeps me active - not saying that staying at home will not, this is just me.

If I could have all those, working from home, sure I will do it.
Fiona Chin
post May 19 2015, 04:20 PM

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You can choose a 3rd option, work-at-home mum. There are many companies allowing this scheme to allow the mums to work at home and taking care of the baby.
wpcheah
post May 19 2015, 04:36 PM

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Dear all mothers,

I always like to ask all the parents out there a question, Is your decision comes from your feeling or influence by society or friends or relatives?
I can tell you, most of the decisions that we made are influenced by society, im sure everyone wanted to have their own kids to have moments we had during our childhood like riding a bicycle at playground alone, getting closer to the nature instead of having them to attend tuition, art, music, swimming and many more. Most of my students schedule is so pack till occupy the weekends. Whose fault is this? It is not the parents, trust me, it is the society.
Everything starts from our BELIEVE system and when you believe, you will stick to your feeling no matter what.
Hope it will comfort you.
To train your kids, use visualization methods, children learns faster by visualization and don't blame them when they dont listen to you, because they don't understand our statement.
If you want to know more on how to improve communication between parent and children, please PM me, i will share with you the methods.
wpcheah
post May 19 2015, 04:51 PM

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Last week, one of my student got angry at the end of the follow up class. Because i always reminding them to stay humble even though they learn faster now. Her brother attended my workshop 2 weeks later after his sister attended and her brother improved so well and his sister got angry. She asked, teacher, you said we should stay humble but my brother now looks arrogant. After explaining to her verbally, she still dont listen. Then, i started to use a piece of blank A4 paper and draw out the whole situation, because i wanted to show her using visualization method instead of verbally. After 10 minutes of drawing, she cried and feel sorry for her brother, and she left my class happily together with her brother.
Try to use a piece of A4 paper to draw out in helping our children to understand.
cc980024
post May 19 2015, 05:19 PM

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That article didn't really inspire me at all. Not to say I like to work, but I definitely not that kind of person to stay home having just hubby and kids around me.

Well, the person in that article knows that having just 1 kid and relying on just hubby salary of RM4K+ is tough, but really can't understand y their plan end up with 3 kids. Of course many ppl get through it, so does our parents generation. So there is no right or wrong, basically it still goes to how much you wanted to provide to the kids. Not saying on fancy toys or nice meal as that article mention. Is the education and their future as well, which she have not even say a thing about it.

Besides that, having all the price hike.. that day taken away fuel subsidies from us, this day giving u GST, who knows what else will happen. Someday they may even reduce the quota for local university, so can the parents afford their kids private institution? .. if taking this lady from the article as an example. I am not saying that she won't success with her stay home job. There are many successful story, but will we be that lucky as well... Hence, you make the decision, you take the consequences.. no matter as a working mom or a working at home mom.

Envy those ppl who manage to find part time job or work at home tat earn big bucks.. but I have never come across such job. Too bad.
SUSMatrix
post May 19 2015, 05:34 PM

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QUOTE(wpcheah @ May 19 2015, 04:36 PM)
Dear all mothers,

I always like to ask all the parents out there a question, Is your decision comes from your feeling or influence by society or friends or relatives?
I can tell you, most of the decisions that we made are influenced by society, im sure everyone wanted to have their own kids to have moments we had during our childhood like riding a bicycle at playground alone, getting closer to the nature instead of having them to attend tuition, art, music, swimming and many more. Most of my students schedule is so pack till occupy the weekends. Whose fault is this? It is not the parents, trust me, it is the society.
Everything starts from our BELIEVE system and when you believe, you will stick to your feeling no matter what.
Hope it will comfort you.
To train your kids, use visualization methods, children learns faster by visualization and don't blame them when they dont listen to you, because they don't understand our statement.
If you want to know more on how to improve communication between parent and children, please PM me, i will share with you the methods.
*
I am a father, but would like to chip in...tongue.gif.

i believe sometimes, there is no choice...not that we want to send our kids to tuition etc, but the school are really hopeless. For example, my son go to SRJK Chinese school. The standard of English is really poor regardless it's SRJC or SRJK (compare to the Bahasa Malaysia....OMG, it's insane). Even the teachers made mistakes and i have to tell my son "Teacher is not necessary always right". I only send him to piano class, and coupled with the tuitions of English and Maths, is more than enough. I really don't know how some kids who take so many classes cope. Maybe different individuals, if the kid wants it and can take it, i'll say no harm letting him go. But if the kid don't want it, we shouldn't be forcing him to it. But at least 1 activity will be good enough. I believe both society and parents are to be blamed in certain instances.

QUOTE(supersound @ May 19 2015, 02:57 PM)
Sending 3 kids to a day care need to waste rm4500 minimum. Not to mention some are charging rm10 for extra 10 minutes late, food provided are also a question.
For her pay of rm4000, is better she quit the job.
*
rm1.5 k per kid?? Sure or not? A few years back it was only RM500 when i send my kid to nursery day care. Now maybe RM7xx according to my friends.

Unless you are talking maybe really high-ends one, which i feels is a total rip off.

This post has been edited by Matrix: May 19 2015, 05:35 PM
cc980024
post May 20 2015, 10:51 AM

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QUOTE(Matrix @ May 19 2015, 05:34 PM)
i believe sometimes, there is no choice...not that we want to send our kids to tuition etc, but the school are really hopeless. For example, my son go to SRJK Chinese school. The standard of English is really poor regardless it's SRJC or SRJK (compare to the Bahasa Malaysia....OMG, it's insane). Even the teachers made mistakes and i have to tell my son "Teacher is not necessary always right". I only send him to piano class, and coupled with the tuitions of English and Maths, is more than enough. I really don't know how some kids who take so many classes cope. Maybe different individuals, if the kid wants it and can take it, i'll say no harm letting him go. But if the kid don't want it, we shouldn't be forcing him to it. But at least 1 activity will be good enough. I believe both society and parents are to be blamed in certain instances.
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True. School syllabus is quite hopeless nowadays. Getting an A doesn't mean you are good (could be luck, just like my son get an A for BM.. don't think he understand BM at all), but didn't get an A is obviously show that you are not good, with no luck.. tembak also tak kena jawapan.
My son in SK and he is into Taekwondo, Robotics and Swimming, with daycare cover some basic tuition (doing after school revision). He consider those lesson he attended as happy playtime, and is a getaway from busy school life. Suggesting him to cancel 1 of it is definitely a no-no. But soon we are looking into BM tuition and drawing class, which we are sourcing now. As he really not good in this, and both myself and hubby don't have the quality to teach him these subjects at home. Investment on tuition is needed somehow.
Drian
post May 20 2015, 11:18 AM

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A is really nothing nowadays.
cc980024
post May 20 2015, 12:28 PM

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True. Getting an A is nothing. But if you know nothing about that subject, yet get an A. That is too odd. And that is what happening to the school system now. He should fail but get an A by luck (no tuition yet).

Giving them tuition is to make sure they know more about the subject (as we cannot rely on school) and they deserve whatever grade they get and not about getting A by luck anymore.
lovelycottage
post May 30 2015, 04:18 PM

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Agreed that instead of the option staying at home or working full time, why not opt for work from home instead. Working from home is becoming popular in today mum's life due to the flexibility it provided.

If your company is allow, telecommuting maybe is a good option. In fact we have an Act cover for part time employee. You can take a look at Part Time Employment Act

Since last few months, i mingle with hundreds and thousands of work at home mum and wahm to-be in a facebook group, it open my eyes that there are indeed many mums had no regret to sacrifice high pay job to stay at home or work at home at much little pay. But the support of family and spouse definitely make the journey smoother.

Deciding to stay at home or start the work from home journey is tough. Perhaps you could plan your budget prior to making decision. Quit the day job not necessary means the expenses remain the same as working time, we might save the wardrobe, travelling cost, transport maintenance, day care fees and etc. wink.gif

This post has been edited by lovelycottage: May 30 2015, 04:19 PM
TSpigrabbit
post Jun 1 2015, 09:02 AM

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QUOTE(lovelycottage @ May 30 2015, 04:18 PM)
Agreed that instead of the option staying at home or working full time, why not opt for work from home instead. Working from home is becoming popular in today mum's life due to the flexibility it provided.

If your company is allow, telecommuting maybe is a good option. In fact we have an Act cover for part time employee. You can take a look at Part Time Employment Act

Since last few months, i mingle with hundreds and thousands of work at home mum and wahm to-be in a facebook group, it open my eyes that there are indeed many mums had no regret to sacrifice high pay job to stay at home or work at home at much little pay. But the support of family and spouse definitely make the journey smoother.

Deciding to stay at home or start the work from home journey is tough. Perhaps you could plan your budget prior to making decision. Quit the day job not necessary means the expenses remain the same as working time, we might save the wardrobe, travelling cost, transport maintenance, day care fees and etc. wink.gif
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example what kind of part time job? i'm not an accountant based background nor IT. my current job is an engineer. to resign and changing a professional background, is quite a tough.
i have been thought of doing home baked but the starting cost is much expensive as it is in small scale, unless i sell my bakes in higher price to cover my modal. however, home bakes is always expensive than normal bakery shop so eventually this idea had turn me off.

doing home tuition, first of all, the qualification of teaching education = 0. We couldnt cheat small kids nowadays, because they are smarter than us plus the syllabus keep on changing which are not same like us last time education. most of stay at home mum, had qualification of high pay job of professional and degree graduate before, consider as intelligent society will feel doubt to send their children for home tuition like us with non-teaching-education background.

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