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 Stay-At-Home Mom VS Working Mom, Share your exp and comment

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TSpigrabbit
post May 11 2015, 04:21 PM, updated 9y ago

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As per topic,
I am planning to resign and be a stay at home mom. but some of experience working lady told me that stay at home mom has lost much freedom. and will be tie up with financial. my spouse also objecting me to do so. "Later have no $$ for everything dont jump at me......"

I am not so lucky like those rich datin and dato. my parents stay far away from us. and I dislike my in laws as well.

NOw my kid are in nursery, i am planning for tomorrow happening, once my kid goes to Standard 1, i'm not willing to abandoned him to a stranger or half day nursery after school. because myself have experience before, which my mother drop me off to her friend to take care me. Due to scare and shyness, i dare not to ask for anything eg. water, food, afternoon nap. i will sit at the door side and slowly doze off until 6pm my mom will come and pick me, they woke me up that time. I was like i'm thinking of my mother, and i need her. Thats only short period of time, my mother resign working and become stay at home mom.

how? how? how?

I dont want repeat my experience on him. Why i need to work and earn money and send him off to someone?
just like fresh graduate, to buy a car to go for work, but go to work to pay off car loan.

This post has been edited by pigrabbit: May 11 2015, 04:27 PM
SUSsupersound
post May 11 2015, 05:36 PM

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Be a house mom will reduce the overall cost basically.
You can take another children which can easily give you rm1000 a month.
You are still doing the same thing, but from 1 baby, now is 2.
There's no issue on leeting other to take care of your love ones, the most is they commit suicide later on when facing problems. A rich man's son just did this 1-2 years back.
cc980024
post May 11 2015, 05:36 PM

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Hi, understand your worry. Infact, I always fantasize that my hubby is rich enough to provide me with maids, and having no constraint on the way I spend, meanwhile being a mom can fully concentrate on nurturing the kids. But not every woman have such a luck.

Ok, back to reality. I am a working mom, and I did experience being a stayhome mom before (for 6 months due to my ex-company not doing well). This is what I feel:

Stay-home mom (applied to me, may not be on you):
1) Possibly to focus on taking care of the kids and spend more time with them.
2) No social life, limited to stay-home mom or online friends (daily waiting hubby to be home... no no no... )
3) Watch your spending. No leisure shopping and vacation plan almost none.
4) When kids grow up, need for $ for development.
5) Risk of relying on sole-breadwinner.

Working mom:
1) More budget to allow the kid go for development classes (music, sports, etc skills)
2) Holidays, shopping ..
3) No time spend with kids, very tired after work but have to guide kids homework.
4) No worry about sole-breadwinner and not even worry about hubby running away smile.gif

Generally that is what I felt, as financially independent is very important for a woman, while kids will grow up having friends. As of how my child doing, fyi.. grandma caring him until age 3.5, while myself care for him til age 4. He gets toilet train in daycare the 1st week he was put into the centre. And now at age 8, he was train to wash plates at daycare. I doubt tat he will do any of this if staying home with me/my mum.

Basically, you need to measure properly and what risk is there on your decision. My hubby is happy to have me as a housewife (he even came home for all his lunches .. aiks.. me cook day n night.. urgh!) With a bigger pool of household income in mind, hence.. I prefer to work.

Also depends on your background, as you wanted a stayhome mom so much during your time. For me, I prefer a working mom, as my mom is a housewife and I could not go for piano class due no $. And we are limited on the kind of tuition we can attend due to budget.
TSpigrabbit
post May 12 2015, 08:54 AM

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QUOTE(cc980024 @ May 11 2015, 05:36 PM)
Hi, understand your worry. Infact, I always fantasize that my hubby is rich enough to provide me with maids, and having no constraint on the way I spend, meanwhile being a mom can fully concentrate on nurturing the kids. But not every woman have such a luck.

Ok, back to reality. I am a working mom, and I did experience being a stayhome mom before (for 6 months due to my ex-company not doing well). This is what I feel:

Stay-home mom  (applied to me, may not be on you):
1) Possibly to focus on taking care of the kids and spend more time with them.
2) No social life, limited to stay-home mom or online friends (daily waiting hubby to be home... no no no... )
3) Watch your spending. No leisure shopping and vacation plan almost none.
4) When kids grow up, need for $ for development.
5) Risk of relying on sole-breadwinner.

Working mom:
1) More budget to allow the kid go for development classes (music, sports, etc skills)
2) Holidays, shopping ..
3) No time spend with kids, very tired after work but have to guide kids homework.
4) No worry about sole-breadwinner and not even worry about hubby running away smile.gif

Generally that is what I felt, as financially independent is very important for a woman, while kids will grow up having friends. As of how my child doing, fyi.. grandma caring him until age 3.5, while myself care for him til age 4. He gets toilet train in daycare the 1st week he was put into the centre. And now at age 8, he was train to wash plates at daycare. I doubt tat he will do any of this if staying home with me/my mum.

Basically, you need to measure properly and what risk is there on your decision. My hubby is happy to have me as a housewife (he even came home for all his lunches .. aiks.. me cook day n night.. urgh!) With a bigger pool of household income in mind, hence.. I prefer to work.

Also depends on your background, as you wanted a stayhome mom so much during your time. For me, I prefer a working mom, as my mom is a housewife and I could not go for piano class due no $. And we are limited on the kind of tuition we can attend due to budget.
*
Thx for your sharing. there are pros and cons of both situation. however, due to my situation which have no support from parents, we need to rely on nursery or afternoon care. during their age of 7 till 12 is most critical process of kids development. reading of news, various cases of accident, sexual, death, missing, drowning,fight, bullies, they all gives me horror feeling, which the feeling of losing the loves one.
but if it were just for the 6 yrs, then i will let go once he reach form 1. of course my planning also need to do some earning income work to support a little.

Sometimes, i'm jealous looking all my neighbor. there are stay at home mom. everyday sending children off to school, manage housework. is not 1 kid, but 6 kids, some were 2 -3 kids. i'm wonder how they still could manage with single financial.
TSpigrabbit
post May 12 2015, 09:00 AM

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QUOTE(supersound @ May 11 2015, 05:36 PM)
Be a house mom will reduce the overall cost basically.
You can take another children which can easily give you rm1000 a month.
You are still doing the same thing, but from 1 baby, now is 2.
There's no issue on leeting other to take care of your love ones, the most is they commit suicide later on when facing problems. A rich man's son just did this 1-2 years back.
*
hi, mind clarify more why rich man son suicide?
how would house mom could reduce cost? mind sharing?

on my situation, i come home from work immediately do cooking. we only eat out twice per week. and i also make ready cooked meal during the weekend.
it really does saves alot cost from homecook vs eat outside. however, we had to pay for extra electricity and water bill.
example, me and my kid went to my parents house for 2 weeks holiday during chinese new year celebration. only leave my spouse at home. our electricy bill had drop almost rm30..


SUSsupersound
post May 12 2015, 09:18 AM

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QUOTE(pigrabbit @ May 12 2015, 09:00 AM)
hi, mind clarify more why rich man son suicide?
how would house mom could reduce cost? mind sharing?

on my situation, i come home from work immediately do cooking. we only eat out twice per week. and i also make ready cooked meal during the weekend.
it really does saves alot cost from homecook vs eat outside. however, we had to pay for extra electricity and water bill.
example, me and my kid went to my parents house for 2 weeks holiday during chinese new year celebration. only leave my spouse at home. our electricy bill had drop almost rm30..
*
A skin specialist's son, got few branches around KV. Forgot the name already.
Eating at outside will have more chronic illness that you can imagine of. I have a friend's father now are spending rm1000-1500 to buy medicines. You want to be like this? Sure you don't want.
If you decide to continue work, petro, car loan and day care cost you need to consider also. Not to mention time required to fetch your children. Indirectly you are collecting mental stress.
You need to talk to your partner and decide. I can only give opinion. Lucky that my wife is running a day care, so my baby has no problem at all on this issue.
You may consider this route also. Can make money and at the same can take care of your children.
Trust me on this, the children that taken care by their own parents are much more easier to teach and having lesser mental problems.
TSpigrabbit
post May 12 2015, 01:06 PM

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QUOTE(supersound @ May 12 2015, 09:18 AM)
A skin specialist's son, got few branches around KV. Forgot the name already.
Eating at outside will have more chronic illness that you can imagine of. I have a friend's father now are spending rm1000-1500 to buy medicines. You want to be like this? Sure you don't want.
If you decide to continue work, petro, car loan and day care cost you need to consider also. Not to mention time required to fetch your children. Indirectly you are collecting mental stress.
You need to talk to your partner and decide. I can only give opinion. Lucky that my wife is running a day care, so my baby has no problem at all on this issue.
You may consider this route also. Can make money and at the same can take care of your children.
Trust me on this, the children that taken care by their own parents are much more easier to teach and having lesser mental problems.
*
running day care not easy le.... it is register just like franchise. need $$ to buy their name, like 3Q, Melody, Dmonte... etc.. and pay tax to gov like restaurant also.
unless running unregistered day care
SUSsupersound
post May 12 2015, 01:07 PM

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QUOTE(pigrabbit @ May 12 2015, 01:06 PM)
running day care not easy le.... it is register just like franchise. need $$ to buy their name, like 3Q, Melody, Dmonte... etc.. and pay tax to gov like restaurant also.
unless running unregistered day care
*
Nope, if you opt for franchise business, you will lose more. That's taking care of another 1 or 2 will bet the better option, lesser headache.
Drian
post May 12 2015, 01:56 PM

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QUOTE(pigrabbit @ May 11 2015, 04:21 PM)
As per topic,
I am planning to resign and be a stay at home mom. but some of experience working lady told me that stay at home mom has lost much freedom. and will be tie up with financial. my spouse also objecting me to do so. "Later have no $$ for everything dont jump at me......"

I am not so lucky like those rich datin and dato. my parents stay far away from us. and I dislike my in laws as well.

NOw my kid are in nursery, i am planning for tomorrow happening, once my kid goes to Standard 1, i'm not willing to abandoned him to a stranger or half day nursery after school. because myself have experience before, which my mother drop me off to her friend to take care me. Due to scare and shyness, i dare not to ask for anything eg. water, food, afternoon nap. i will sit at the door side and slowly doze off until 6pm my mom will come and pick me, they woke me up that time. I was like i'm thinking of my mother, and i need her. Thats only short period of time, my mother resign working and become stay at home mom.

how? how? how?

I dont want repeat my experience on him. Why i need to work and earn money and send him off to someone?
just like fresh graduate, to buy a car to go for work, but go to work to pay off car loan.
*
You can do it , but you must be aware of the consequences.
No 1 is financial, do you think you can forgo the luxury that you are used to?
Most women nowadays are pampered with holidays, overseas travel, luxury bags, shopping , facial so if you cut
all these would you be complaining all the time?
No 2 happens gradually but generally happens to non working women.
As they grow older because they lack social and mental simulation , they have a more "aunty" attitude. Their mindset become more narrow like what you see in those mother in law in tvb drama. You may think you are not like that but
you do not know what 20 years without work can do to your attitude and mindset.

carmenyta
post May 12 2015, 02:07 PM

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you can opt to be a work at home mother. my sister in law is a stay at home mother of 3 but she does accounting jobs on the sides and she can still be happy with her social life because she goes to church and mix around with lots of people. She also mixes well with her neighbors. So to say you lose your freedom is not entirely true, you just need to know what you want and go for it.

but still, seriously, i think you should have a serious discussion with your husband first before you commit to anything.

TSpigrabbit
post May 12 2015, 02:19 PM

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QUOTE(Drian @ May 12 2015, 01:56 PM)
You can do it , but you must be aware of the consequences.
No 1 is financial, do you think you can forgo the luxury that you are used to?
Most women nowadays are pampered with holidays, overseas travel, luxury bags, shopping , facial  so if you cut
all these would you be complaining all the time?
No 2 happens gradually but generally happens to non working women.
As they grow older because they lack social and mental simulation , they have a more "aunty" attitude.  Their mindset become more narrow like what you see in those  mother in law in tvb drama. You may think you are not like that but
you do not know what 20 years without work can do to your attitude and mindset.
*
thumbs up to the point. God creates eve with mother loving characteristic. So we only thinks about the family and the kids.
i always stuck up daily on what to cook for my husband and my son to get better nutrition. my husband is carnivorous, and likes spicy, so everyday i had to change my menu and upgrade my cooking skills. my mind and soul is always thinking about family, even my solid is at work. i cant concentrate fully, that's why i could and always access to LYN forum, searching for gardening skills, browsing recipe, and release boredom at work. is very free time, not free, but i place the importance at second priority.

it do once flash up my mind, thinking like, what's the point of me getting up early morning to work, just to present up my attendance and get paid monthly with peanuts. i do no performance, no improvement, even my management never keep track on me, and ignoring... i do spent my effort try to makes greatest event and activity for the company, pay full attention to make a perfection presentation slide, but call up meeting no one attend, even have no management support. so i always spend empty soul in the office and left my son with others.

I do once discuss with my spouse that i want to resign and do some homebusiness to support a little, meanwhile i could do my interesting hobby and nurtue my naughty monstar. the response is like negative, "no, business difficult to do", not even your sales could make same pay as yours ..." i'm thinking like i waste my life working. looking at the ticking clock always spot and count, ah, 3 more hour to go, oh 1 more hour for tea break, yeah 30 minutes left!..... everyday and it has been a year already.

thanks to your point that, when a mom not working, slowly will developed the mental illness, which i could see now as my mother for example. however, i lost my social freedom when i get my baby born. i ask my husband help to take care for baby, but he say no, let him sleep first then only i can go drink with friends. my only colleagues as close friends getting lost contact, always ask for chat out, always say no, because need to care baby....


SUSMatrix
post May 12 2015, 02:27 PM

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QUOTE(pigrabbit @ May 12 2015, 02:19 PM)
thumbs up to the point. God creates eve with mother loving characteristic. So we only thinks about the family and the kids.
i always stuck up daily on what to cook for my husband and my son to get better nutrition. my husband is carnivorous, and likes spicy, so everyday i had to change my menu and upgrade my cooking skills. my mind and soul is always thinking about family, even my solid is at work. i cant concentrate fully, that's why i could and always access to LYN forum, searching for gardening skills, browsing recipe, and release boredom at work. is very free time, not free, but i place the importance at second priority.

it do once flash up my mind, thinking like, what's the point of me getting up early morning to work, just to present up my attendance and get paid monthly with peanuts. i do no performance, no improvement, even my management never keep track on me, and ignoring... i do spent my effort try to makes greatest event and activity for the company, pay full attention to make a perfection presentation slide, but call up meeting no one attend, even have no management support. so i always spend empty soul in the office and left my son with others.

I do once discuss with my spouse that i want to resign and do some homebusiness to support a little, meanwhile i could do my interesting hobby and nurtue my naughty monstar. the response is like negative, "no, business difficult to do", not even your sales could make same pay as yours ..." i'm thinking like i waste my life working.  looking at the ticking clock always spot and count, ah, 3 more hour to go, oh 1 more hour for tea break, yeah 30 minutes left!..... everyday and it has been a year already.

thanks to your point that, when a mom not working, slowly will developed the mental illness, which i could see now as my mother for example. however, i lost my social freedom when i get my baby born. i ask my husband help to take care for baby, but he say no, let him sleep first then only i can go drink with friends. my only colleagues as close friends getting lost contact, always ask for chat out, always say no, because need to care baby....
*
There are ways to make money from home as well. I would suggest you get some work from home, earn some money, as well keep yourself in a social circle.

Sorry to say this but your husband a pig. I am a working guy as well, i always put in my fair share into helping the family and wife with kid and chores. My wife recently quit her job and now is a "work at home mom". Still need to send our son to daycare, but i think it's better for him, being the only son, he has more opportunity to social and play with other children. But my wife has more time to take care of our son when needed to now she is flexible. smile.gif
TSpigrabbit
post May 12 2015, 03:26 PM

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QUOTE(Matrix @ May 12 2015, 02:27 PM)
There are ways to make money from home as well. I would suggest you get some work from home, earn some money, as well keep yourself in a social circle.

Sorry to say this but your husband a pig. I am a working guy as well, i always put in my fair share into helping the family and wife with kid and chores. My wife recently quit her job and now is a "work at home mom". Still need to send our son to daycare, but i think it's better for him, being the only son, he has more opportunity to social and play with other children. But my wife has more time to take care of our son when needed to now she is flexible. smile.gif
*
how do you manage with single income? mind sharing with your story?
cc980024
post May 12 2015, 03:43 PM

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TS, it well depends on your financial, spouse, characters of every members in your family, etc.. where everyone is having different situation that make out their preferred choice of running the family.
But most important is what is your hubby preference. As differences in ideas between spouse will create problems to the relationship later.

But being a working mom is really hectic and challenging, this is for sure. As you must spend time with them daily, basically no more time for yourself. As for those rich people having kids commit suicide, those are special case where parents doesn't bother about the kid other than provide them with $. Working mom doesn't mean they are letting go of their children.

But in terms of financial, basically you can weight it. If putting your kids under others care, while you work.. but at the end of the month there is no massive savings left. Then might as well stay home.
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post May 12 2015, 04:02 PM

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QUOTE(pigrabbit @ May 12 2015, 03:26 PM)
how do you manage with single income? mind sharing with your story?
*
Well, like i said...my wife is not "stay at home mom"...she is "work at home mom". She actually runs a business now and have some clients. Also she has a partner in the business. Running accountancy and company secretarial services.

I still work for people as backup plan, in case her business not so good.

So depends on your skills, personality and network, you can find something that is suitable for yourself.

This post has been edited by Matrix: May 12 2015, 04:03 PM
cc980024
post May 13 2015, 09:33 AM

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TS, this is not a single-side decision, as your spouse voiced out disagreement earlier, is better to further discuss with backup plans and all. Although you are thinking this is good for your child, but if anything not right after the decision, the man may put the blame on you.

During my time, resign from my ex-company, the company was still oweing me up to 4-months salary. My hubby infact never given me any opinion and he is a fix-salary worker, there is no way he can bring home extra $ monthly to cover the missing salary from my side. Therefore, I am the 1 to figure out how to handle it if $ really not enough. But the idea of "trying to be stay home mom" strikes me, and with the 4-months salary pending to be pay by instalment bk to me over 6mths period by the company, had given me a chance to explore how is it like to survive with a single income from just hubby side. Infact, we did survive ok with just 1 income.
But right after the company finish paying me the outstanding 4-months salary (thought I did not spend much on it as we tried to survive under hubby's salary), there were feelings of insecurity as solely rely on hubby is truly a risk. And no savings for any contingency.
With plans on giving our only child more options to explore whatever he likes (all need $), the plan to send him abroad in future ($) and our retirement plan, as well as to ensure lifestyle won't be downgraded from year to year (due to our country situation), we both agreed the security of having 2 consistent income.
And fyi, I tried doing online business (fail), doing sales? (hate it = too stress out). That's the reason I am an employee.

Besides that, can't compare with those stayhome mom that have several kids. If let say they put 3kids to daycare.. cheap cheap already RM1.5K. Still back to the same measurement... your income vs expenses. And the savings for future plan (if not for yourself, but what bout the kid's education, insurance, etc).

This post has been edited by cc980024: May 13 2015, 09:36 AM
SUSsupersound
post May 13 2015, 01:25 PM

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QUOTE(cc980024 @ May 13 2015, 09:33 AM)
TS, this is not a single-side decision, as your spouse voiced out disagreement earlier, is better to further discuss with backup plans and all. Although you are thinking this is good for your child, but if anything not right after the decision, the man may put the blame on you.

During my time, resign from my ex-company, the company was still oweing me up to 4-months salary. My hubby infact never given me any opinion and he is a fix-salary worker, there is no way he can bring home extra $ monthly to cover the missing salary from my side. Therefore, I am the 1 to figure out how to handle it if $ really not enough. But the idea of "trying to be stay home mom" strikes me, and with the 4-months salary pending to be pay by instalment bk to me over 6mths period by the company, had given me a chance to explore how is it like to survive with a single income from just hubby side. Infact, we did survive ok with just 1 income.
But right after the company finish paying me the outstanding 4-months salary (thought I did not spend much on it as we tried to survive under hubby's salary), there were feelings of insecurity as solely rely on hubby is truly a risk. And no savings for any contingency.
With plans on giving our only child more options to explore whatever he likes (all need $), the plan to send him abroad in future ($) and our retirement plan, as well as to ensure lifestyle won't be downgraded from year to year (due to our country situation), we both agreed the security of having 2 consistent income.
And fyi, I tried doing online business (fail), doing sales? (hate it = too stress out). That's the reason I am an employee.

Besides that, can't compare with those stayhome mom that have several kids. If let say they put 3kids to daycare.. cheap cheap already RM1.5K. Still back to the same measurement... your income vs expenses. And the savings for future plan (if not for yourself, but what bout the kid's education, insurance, etc).
*
Well, looks like your husband's pay are > 50% are used to give people, right?
cc980024
post May 13 2015, 02:46 PM

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QUOTE(supersound @ May 13 2015, 01:25 PM)
Well, looks like your husband's pay are > 50% are used to give people, right?
*
Not sure what are you trying to ask/say/hint? And who are the people you mean here.

If the people you mean here is me and my child. Yup, which husband did not contribute more than 50% of their salary to the family household?
In fact, we both contributed equal amount to the household as we earn roughly the same salary range. About 80% of our income surrender into this household pool, where this pool will include monthly expenses, house loan, portion for investment on all future plans as well as joint savings acct. The remaining 20% left for ourselves is basically to cover weekday lunch and a little extra for whatever tiny rubbish we personally wanted. Everything else will be pay off thru household acct. We share the burden equally.
The only thing that we keep to ourselves personally is our bonuses.

SUSsupersound
post May 13 2015, 03:04 PM

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QUOTE(cc980024 @ May 13 2015, 02:46 PM)
Not sure what are you trying to ask/say/hint? And who are the people you mean here.

If the people you mean here is me and my child. Yup, which husband did not contribute more than 50% of their salary to the family household?
In fact, we both contributed equal amount to the household as we earn roughly the same salary range. About 80% of our income surrender into this household pool, where this pool will include monthly expenses, house loan, portion for investment on all future plans as well as joint savings acct. The remaining 20% left for ourselves is basically to cover weekday lunch and a little extra for whatever tiny rubbish we personally wanted. Everything else will be pay off thru household acct. We share the burden equally.
The only thing that we keep to ourselves personally is our bonuses.
*
This(highlighted in red) shall not be > 30% especially loan. Investments shall not > 10% unless it stated in black and white that it can give > 5% return every year.
cc980024
post May 13 2015, 04:16 PM

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QUOTE(supersound @ May 13 2015, 03:04 PM)
This(highlighted in red) shall not be > 30% especially loan. Investments shall not > 10% unless it stated in black and white that it can give > 5% return every year.
*
I think you get me wrong. We put our salaries together as a pool and allocate the budget accordingly. The household pool includes everything. Did I ever mention how much % allocated to each of those? biggrin.gif
Our houseloan alone is just 10% from the total amount we contributed into this monthly household pool. tongue.gif No car loan as hubby is on company car while mine is paid off.
As for investment, we never get into anything risky as financial security is key concern. Those investment I meant are education fund and retirement plan with return more than FD (objectives is to lock up the $ consistently), apart from the usual savings we must have.

Those are the needs apart of showering love to the kids and putting food on the table.

This post has been edited by cc980024: May 13 2015, 04:18 PM

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