Yah but sometimes when I ask my brothers and sisters for help. They at first gave me a piece of advice, pray then if I come back, they give me that dark stare like I am some nuisance. Yeah I called prayer tower, some of them got mad at me, say I am keep on repeating myself. Its not that I don't want to forget, its the pain coming back over and over again. Some people got to understand that different people handle different problems differently. I even got scolded from an intercessor telling me that she had a call from somebody who had an accident, need prayer, saying I wasn't important, and she had to put that person in priority and then broom me as fast as they can.

Gosh, some christians really treat me like I am "bahan ketawaan". Go ahead laugh at me, yah nobody knows my pain. Some of u guys are married, got kids, happy, so yah, I am the "luuuvvvv guy".

I can't sleep at night, I can't work. I read the bible and pray. Yet its so painful. I try to forget and think of good things, but so many flashbacks.

I just dunno why each time I ask christians for help and prayer, they say I am a nuisance because i don't put my trust in God and I still hold on to my problems. Then they abandon me. Look at me like I am a failure because i fail to help to hold the front line. You guys think I dun want to forget n move on? Try losing something you find dear to your life then u know how it feels like.

I think its a long process to trust God. Its not overnight thing. I am struggling a lot. How come christians have so little patience for one another? How are we to show compassion and care for the poor, struggling and destitute? When we just write off people in pain and judge them off as nuisance people. Yah, i shared this with my cg people, after that I get that wierd look...like I am some sort of dangerous person.

I don't hold anyone for not helping me.

But why can't people just be compassion?

Why have to have that tough love?

U r not telling me you never had any struggles b4?

Rship is over. I am feeling insecure because I not sure if i would settle down. I am going to have to go down the long road. Yesterday I just look at myself in the mirror, sigh, I realised I am not a handsome but fat guy. How am I going to win the right girl? Then some of my friends told me that I tend to show some moody face, which I didn't realise that i could exhibit an unhappy face all the time.

Yes hanging on to her is wrong. Now I am figuring out what is the next move in my life. To be single again or if God permits, someone special will come my way. Its been years and I am already advance age.

Ok, don't get me wrong guys, I know there are a lot of single guys here, I am not in competition with you guys for the right girl, ok?

I am also not that kind of guy who easily fall for a girl.

Sorry for my outburst.

Yes I am having a lot of problems with disobedience. Its been frustrating yrs of life for me. I been serving putting God in the center, reading bible earnestly, praying earnestly. But the progress has been stunting. When are my prayers going to be answered? To settle down and start a family?

How do I trust God when I have been paralysed with little result n progress over the years. Sure thing there are people much worst than my situation, but there are a lot more people better off than me.

After my first break up at 29, I became depress and destroyed my life, then I came back out and reworked my life, came back to church. Then suddenly over the years, I suffered a debilitating disease, that caused my joints to become inflamed like rheumatism. Only recently i recovered and rework back my fitness and cut back my weight. By the time I recovered I am already like 40, almost out of the market for a life partner.

I am not trying to get things done by my own strength. But I knwo for sure, you cannot have faith without works. I have to put eveyrthing in order. I have to also try and find the right person out there, not by sitting down alone at home doing nothing. But over the years, I have not met anyone suitable. Until recently.

So yeah, I am having trouble trusting because its been so many years and no progress...just to get myself into a relationship that I thought would work out but instead became my nightmare. When will I find the light at the end of the tunnel? I been trusting God for long time annd I know I am saying something very bad...I am being very disrespectful to God because I am feeling very frustrated. I don't want to blame God but I am afraid I will.

Now a second break up. I am not sure how you feel. Its not that I want to hold on to her. I don;t know how to describe the feeling. Have you ever loved someone UW? Duffy? Have someone you loved, eg a girl, dumped you suddenly? And she still imprints in you? Every different person has a different level of feelings towards another. when someone leaves you, its like a dagger in your heart. And the wound festers.

Would you think Jesus would tell you off "hey you stop whinning"..when he was pierced at the cross, he cried a lot because he felt all our pain our sins..he knew how we felt. He understands our emotions because he has been there b4.

Thats only the glass half empty, what about the half full? Now I have to contemplate, searching for a life partner. Should I just trust...and just do nothing and wait on for the right timing? Other posters ask me to use tinder, with my age and my level of unattractiveness, am I g0oing to swoon a girl of my dreams?

By the way, Good to see you back UW

I'm feeling really sad that my mom's parents are losing to age. My grandma, I don't think she can hear the Lord's word any more. My Grandpa still adamant in traditional ways.

It's like a prayer unfulfilled. How should I feel about this?

Erm that is the issue. My dad's side is in Heaven but...

My mom's side still tao/Buddhists

In life, you have to reach out and grasp what you want. If you are happy & content, you wouldn't be working towards that goal wouldn't you? Could happy & content means just be satisfied at where you are while you have your goals in life in mind? So there is this danger if you are happy & content you wouldn't do anything about that, so you remain at where you are. Faith without works, is no faith at all. Maybe if you use the word "happy" I would understand but why "content"? Could you have passion at what you do, if you are contented? If you are a marathon runner, and wants to win gold meddle, but you are contented, you take an hour to run 40km while the kenyans can finish that in 30 min. So my question is, being contended can help you to achieve your goals?

You are right, I am extremely negative, its a process I want to get over her. Maybe being angry helps cover my despair. I dunno. I would rather be angry than be depressed. Unless can you teach me any other way, I can hide my depression and my sorrow over my lost? I try to pray and ask Jesus to fill my empty heart, but my heart keeps on sinking. So I got to replace it with anger.

Some relationships there can be no arguments. Yes true, this are the dysfunctional relationships. It could be (A) the girl don't like you much enough to want to solve anything (B) the girl is troublesome, petty and childlish. I am unlucky one to end up in this. I know people tell me this thing, thank goodness the relationship didn't go further or thank goodness didn't end up divorced. Fact of the matter is, she didn't see me as her soul partner, so I was dumped. Maybe if she met the guy of her dreams, she may want to work things out. Who knows? But is this a consolation? Do i feel much better? No I don't.

I can't see how it'll happen since we're separated by distances and unfamilarity.

But with God anything can happen so I'll believe anyway.

YOU ARE SINGLE SO WHAT? YOU'RE IN YOUR 30's SO WHAT? YOU'RE FAT SO WHAT? I'M FAT TOO AND I'M 33 YET I DO NOT COMPLAINT LIKE YOU SUCKER JUST GET ALONG ON YOUR LIFE!!! MOVE ON DO NOT LOOK BACK, YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU;RE IN YOUR 30'S YOU ARE A LAST CHANCE SALOON ALREADY? I GOT 1 FRIEND WHO GOT MARRIED AT THE AGE OF 40'S AND UNLIKE YOU WHO MOANS ABOUT THIS LITTLE SMALL THINGS HERE AND THERE HE GIVE GLORY TO GOD EVERYDAY BEFORE HE FOUND HIS WIFE!

FYI: I AM SINGLE TOO

You are right that I have been deceived. I don't want to push God away, I am having a battle to choose between God and sin. Its not that I like sin....its that I felt frustrated and abandoned. When I am in my element, I can easily believe and have faith in God. Now my faith is really tested to its limits, I felt the girl of my dreams, the girl that I never been able to have, left me, and I am feeling difficulty in talking and praying to God, when he has not spoken to me. You know what I mean? Christians know God speaks to them through the scripture, through other people and through happenings. But have you ever spoke to God and he talks to you personally? I have been taught from young to just keep 1 minute of silence, meditate near something spectacular, a mountain, a quiet park or near a waterfall...to enjoy God's presence. But these days when I have fallen into trouble, I can't feel His presence. He only speaks to me in dreams, bible, through sermons, etc. If only I can hear God personally speak to me. But I know, that judgment day, I would feel His anger at me for saying this stuffs.

Its hard to let go someone you loved...especially when you believe she is the one for you but she didn't think I was for her. I want to let go but how??? UW, I know you are a private person and you may not want to reveal much about yourself. But ask yourself this, have you every fell in love with somebody? Just think about it, have someone close to you left you and hurt you a lot? I mean not through death, I mean through total abandonment? Its not an overnight thing. Yeah I been scolded here by church people and intercessors, who just easily pass judgment and call me a softy. They just not experiencing what I experienced.

I tell you a story la, I know a friend who suffered a bad break up, wanted to suicide. So I was there for him and helped him. Then it was my turn to suffer break up, I went to him for help, and you know what he did to me? He called me a sissy and tell me to go jump down the building. Years later, he got married and now its his turn. Somehow our friendship reconciled, then he confess to me that he was having marital problems in his marriage, and was mulling divorce. He complained a lot. I was still understanding.

So the moral of this story is, people don't understand what people are facing, and can just easily pass judgment. Even the church and intercessors can pass judgment and scold me because I repeatedly ask for help. They kept telling me, why is it the same problem over and over again. Then they say to me that I am not letting go of her, thats why God's help is not reaching me. They just think its that easy as ABC huh? I wish it was.

Some intercessors at the tower are supportive and ncie...but one particular one, hurt me...she said to me, that my case was unimportant because that night at 2am someone else reported a personal accident that needed prayer. While mine was just purely repeated and minor problem. For me, she could just have said to me to ask to call back later because she had an urgent prayer. But to say my problems are minor...and I am not important, means? I am not important to Christ? I just one step near the ledge..ok. Reason why I am so expressive about my problems, i fear if I just keep quiet...all those penned up feelings in my heart will make me explode and go into deep depression. Yesterday night I had a big argument with the same intercessor. Now she said she can't counsel anymore, I got the feeling that she was unwilling to help me. Most christians just don't understand, they think their word is gold...just say one word...and the other person must follow. Actually to gain trust is to build trust. They dont know that there are people out there with wounds in their heart...its not overnight that they can just turn like that. Everyone needs patience..even the intercessors.

I am spending time with God, praying and reading bible. I have to confess though, I am getting attacked by the enemy who constantly remind me of my ex beauty inside and outside...that she's with someone else..according to the accusations. I pray and bind it everyday, it kept coming.

Does he have kids? Is he to raise kids at 50? What would he do when his kid is 10? Continue working till 70? If any employer wants to hire him.

And his wife? in her 20s? Same age? How is she to give birth at this very late age?

Its my dream to have a family.

I am not saying its difficult to find someone, its just that I want to find someone I really like and compatible, and also like me back for who I am. That is the issue.

I have been approached by opposite sex before in the past, but I wasn't interested because 1) not a christian 2) I didn't felt any chemistry 3) she left me because she didn't think we were compatible.

wait, you telling me, he married at age 50, his wife is 50...at 51, his wife gave birth? How is this possible? I rarely heard of woman in her 50s give first birth.

Then is he expecting to retire at 60, his kid is still 10 years old?

Unless, he is a divorcee, and already have kids. Or another scenario is that she could be half his age. How is this so? How is a 25 year old woman accept a 50 year old guy? The only explanation is that he is rich person.

I know its unhealthy. Unless you are single and have no family, you would not how I feel.

I am confused as to whether its regarded as idolatry or not. Its just like this, I got the best girl I ever had, but she left me. How am I going to find another potential wife? My age is catching up.

If I devote myself entirely to God, will he grant my genuine request for a wife I like and a family? I have seen so many christian guys at my church devote entirely to God yet, they have one by one not able to find the right girl to get married.

So its just simple as deleting her from my mind? How do I do that? And when I try to forget her, the enemy reminds me of my insecurities of being single. How do I ignore that?

They got kids in their 40s? How did they do that? I rarely see elderly couples have kids. Some of my friends at church get married in their mid 30s, have difficulty in bearing kids.

They must have performed some medical miracle. Even my boss and his wife in their 40s went through fertility treatments, failed.

I want to be in the family ministry, would God grant me that if I devote my whole energy to Him?

Yes I want God to fill in my emptiness. No I don't want to do something great in ministry. I don't have the heart to do full time ministry. I just want to help out thats all. I want to be a family man with the woman he loves and raise kids according to God's will.

Well let me put it this way, when i was with her, I still dedicate my time to God. But after losing her, I am demoralised, lost my direction. Is that still idolatory? I am not saying she's above God. All I am just saying, she's very meaningful to me and losing her is very hard to get back someone like her.

1 Timothy 6:12 (NIV) - Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

John 1:17  (KJV) - For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.