Hi guys,

I don't know if someone already posted about this, but I think I really need many opinions regarding this issue of mine.

I have dated my GF for more than 4 years already and decided to marry her next year. The main issue is money. I think that by June/July 2015, my saving can only reach RM5k. Actually I started to work since I was 23 years and now I am 27. I can say that I should actually able to save more than that. However, because life in Klang Valley is like an "ecstasy" to me, um, I mean the entertainment and other "money wasting" activities are hard to resist, so that is the reason I cannot save money. And one year ago, the fact that my mother is just 50-50 about accepting her, had also weakened my moral to marry my GF. Now still not 100% but I am confident that I can "pujuk" my mother.

When I think about my future, I am sure and definite that I want to marry my GF. All of my friends, which some of them just met his other half maybe less than 1 year but married earlier than me. I admit that I feel ashamed a bit but I know marriage is not about what people say, it is about we are ready or not.

So, with humble, I would like to ask your opinion should I marry next year? If I want to, then how about money? I have calculated that my new salary (I just got a new job) can only cover for less than RM200 if I want to borrow money. For my siblings and parents, I don't really want to borrow from them. Side income? Now is nothing. Still planning, but not started anything yet. Others, I have a car and my condo will be completed by May 2015.

Please help!

no money no marry
nt susahkan anak orang.

1st, marriage is not a race, there are no winner or loser on who marry first. I heard wedding is very expensive ( im not married yet ) the photoshoot alone cost more than 5k. If you wanna save cost, maybe can just go register and legally you are husband and wife. Those ceremony, kenduri, photoshoot is not compulsory, but everyone sure will nag and ask you why....

Girl got money?

IF girl got_money=no problem
ELSE
find_girl_with_money
ENDIF

How much is your salary? Range? 3k+ 4k+ etc.
'Hard to resist' doesn't mean can't resist. You have to control your self, whenever you are going to spend on some none-compulsory thing, remind yourself, what is the thing matter most to you. A happy wife or the temporary 'ecstasy entertainment'?
I started working at 23 too, 26 now and I'm having near 50k funds including my saving plan, investment etc. I able to do so simply because I'm determined enough to understand what i really seek for in the future. Not to show-off, just to let you know, u need have a clear picture in your mind of what future u wanted so u could be determined enough to resist all the unnecessary fancy entertainment spent.

i started to work 18 months ago. during this time, i save a lot of my money for my future. now i have savings around 40k not including my asb. but then, i still sayang my money to spend it for marry. haha

I will advise that don't get to rush to marry... I started work at 23 also and I saved rm50k also n occassionally I did bring my gf go for travel as it was her wish... Married is not cheap just photo shoot I spend also nearly rm10k but she liked it so no choice... Dinner can cost more than rm30k so think twice and marriage not a race... Some of my frenz married and have children already....

it actually depends on you can convince your family and your woman's family to accept who you are.

I'm married with debts around my neck and only have 4k in saving.

so only nearest family, no professional photographer, no pelamin and stuff. just straight come and eat kind of event.

5k I gave to my wife, and tighten the belt for around 800 for my own event. gotong-royong kind of stuff, old school style to backup catering for only 2 types of dishes.

total cost about 5800.

so you have to live moderate life, no showy stuff (fancy cars etc) that will rob more money from your pocket.

This post has been edited by malayo: Oct 30 2014, 07:51 AM

You have money to feed yourself, she has money to feed herself, why when you 2 come together suddenly don't have enough to feed both of you ?
Getting married cost less than RM50 inclusive of the commission of oath signature, you only need 2 witness (any 18 years old will do).

i sign my paper and only after 2 years later i did my wedding photo and dinner stuff ...

Wedding dinner is not a marriage, you are not marrying her parent nor are her marrying your parent. This is all irrelevant stuff.
Anyone acceptance/objection do not make your marriage success/failure, its just the both of you.

Any reason your mum just 50-50 accepting her?

no money no talk bro... i suggest put a ring on it first since u are sure she is the one (girls get nervous when they reaching 30), then save up to marry her and have a small ceremony ( every girl dream to have a wedding, if u really love this girl make her dream come true even if its just a small dream).

I cant imagine you have worked more than 3years but your saving only 5K.
It's ridiculous ..... with 5K you hope to have a proper wedding , i bet not really easy.
Even a simple engagement ring(without diamond) ady few hundreds, a pair of wedding rings around 1k (cheapest, lightest, 916 gold), still talk about wedding photo shooting, it would at least cost 3K. If want to have simple buffet as wedding, also nit to have some budget, including your fiancee's gown , your coat suit and hair styling etc.

The truth is always cruel, no money no talk.
Either you borrow money from parents, take personal loan ( but i think your financial planning is in super serious problem, so it's bad idea to loan from bank, you might apply for bankruptcy very soon) , or you save up slowly.

And why does your parents disagree you both to marry? There're must be some problems, solve them before you get married. Or else, everything will turn into complicated case once you have married. Think twice, before both of you sign on the registration form.

Every gals also dream to have a nice wedding event, although it's a simple one but it can be meaningful. But too bad, within 5K, nothing much you can do, as I said, everything are related to money.

depend on ur gf la actually,
if she can, just normal ROM sign paper, no need huge dinner, just family dinner settle,

but i think all girl dream to wear wedding gown so photo must take lo ( which cost about 2-4k estimate u need to prepare)

and how about hantaran ( chinese or malay also need to gip money to girl parent ma). u at least need to prepare lo.

and last.. what u wanna do after marry? do u have house? rent a house? ( u need to calculate everything la)

ur waifu must help u.. if u think she cant then susah liau

This post has been edited by yahiko: Oct 30 2014, 04:40 PM

Thank you my friends for the opinion. Below, I elaborate further...

My GF is from Sabah, so my mom just afraid of two things. One is my GF culture and practices maybe some of it not aligned with our religion (actually my family and GF family are all in same religion). Secondly, she afraid that I will only follow my GF and focus on GF family only and soon forgets her. However I managed to convince my mom that this won't be happening. But the last time I spoke to her, I can still feel a bit about this "trauma" of my mother. So I can conclude that she is just not completely accepting her yet.

My new salary would be 4k only. I already brought a condo that will finish its construction in May 2015. Got to pay RM1250 for that soon. Also RM600 for car. Not to forget the education loan, investment, utilities, internet, phone, allowance for mother, settle credit card, petrol, grocery and balance for lunch/dinner for a month. Before this, I always enjoy my life without thinking to save money. And now I regret it. Deep in my heart I just wish I can turn back the clock. But I know I can't and that is why I predicted that I can achieve a saving of 5k only by mid of 2015.

Suggestion from you guys to just sign the paper and do the wedding dinner later also had been considered by us. But because in our tradition, it is heavily required us to do the wedding and dinner altogether. We are in headache thinking about this...

As I grow older, I can say that 96% of my friends are currently already married. So, during weekend most of them are very difficult to hang out. As I don’t know who else to be with, so I go to my GF. Then I think that if I always going out with her like that, it is better for me to marry her straight away. In addition, I will not be alone and bored anymore. Furthermore, actually during 2nd year with her, I already promised to marry her. But it didn’t happen. Then in 3rd year I promised again. Didn’t happen as well. Now we are just entering 5th year. So how? I know that I was stupid to promise her like that. But the pressure continues.

In conclusion why I want to get married is I am living alone and looking for someone to take care of me and someone for me to take care. I am ready emotionally but financially still not there yet.

This post has been edited by violet_slayer: Oct 30 2014, 11:57 PM

Okay, you know u have a problem which is 'you spend money on unnecessary activities". To be straight to the point, I hope your activities do not include vice activities.

so do something about it, stop such activities.

Marriage is not just about marrying someone - there are commitments to be made.

Can u afford your monthly loan instalments
Can u afford to have kids

Having Cash reserves is important once the kid comes along.

As to whether u should marry, it depends on whether u love your GF and want to spend the rest of your life with her.

You seem to want to do so - the next step is to organise your finances

Please visit AKPK website for some tips

seems like u r not just financially not ready, but other things are not ready as well (family, your mindset...).

This post has been edited by PeowYong: Oct 31 2014, 10:33 AM

Then no need to have a wedding dinner, just sign and you're married technically. The 5k for a photoshoot and a simple dinner with all the relatives.

The problem will alwyas be the girl side whether she can accept this. If she loves you she will accept it, if not too bad.

If you have been with her for 4 years and find her suitable then marry her quickly.


I have friends who drag too long and the girl run away with another boyfriend ! Do you want this to happen?


I have friends who waited until 40 yo because they don't have money like you to marry. Now no young girls want to marry him. Do you want this to happen to you ?


Financial problem can be controlled by cooking at home. Husband and wife work together sure no problem.

Just make the wedding simple , don't have to invite so many people.

You're getting married and not your mother.

This post has been edited by jalsrix: Oct 31 2014, 11:19 AM

Marry someone doesn't mean you need to buy house. I've many friends who bought their first house only after 35 years old.

of course, myself also bought house at late age but TS says he got Car and new House going to be ready soon, so I assume he will want to stay there instead of renting out.

So important to be able to afford the loan payments