as a husband, you can advise her politely if you feel she done any wrongdoing

if she reluctant, be patience, because Allah always with people that patient

keep "berdoa", may Allah guide her to be "solehah" wife

This is a very good advice  :thumbsup:

My advice would be to treat her and give her advice in the same way that you would want to be advised or treated. As with asking questions, there's what is being asked and then there's how you ask it. For me personally, I want the person that I care the most to be treated with love and respect, so that when I get the chance to marry, I'll have to treat my wife in the way that my son won't hate me for a lifetime.

Nope. Phones? Headphones actually

If fear is what you're going for, then that's all there will be. Tegas in certain things, but do it with love. I'm looking at things from the perspective of a son, because the most important person that I should honour is my mom, my mom,  my mom. 

So when I see that my mom is not treated right, it will only lead to hate to the person whom is treating her badly such as her husband.

I’m feeling down this past few days. Need to hear some lecture about not giving up.

I rather not talk about it, you know la lowyat. Tempat orang mengata & memfitnah

Thanks, I will amalkan
cukuplah tu

Bro salah orang ni

aku grad uia

Before distancing yourself, ask yourself the following questions:

1) Does he require full-time care ?
2) Is he self reliant ? can drive to shop, has money, etc etc
3)If you distance yourself, will something bad happen to him ?

If hes fine on his own, then its ok to distance yourself. Rent a house nearby or something, you dont have to see him everyday 24/7. But you should come and see him regularly, and tend to his needs.

Many people become very irrational and sensitive when they get older. Thats why the reward in akhira is immense if you serve them patiently. This is part of your test from Allah, to deal with your father. But if you abandon him altogether out of hate or anger or even frustration, you lose this test.

you’re right, since youre the one living close to him, of course you become his target to membebel, mengeluh, or yell at. Its not because of your less glamorous job, its because youre near. But even if hes not nice to you because your work tak glamour, so what ? Thats his problem. Youre not sinful for not being succesful or rich enough.

My advise is to talk less. If he ask you to help him with something just do it. If he starts nagging or lashing out at you, stay silent, dont talk back. After some time he’ll grow tired. Right now is difficult sure, maybe he wont be grateful for all that you’ve done. But you serve your parents not to please them, but to please God. Allah knows your pain and struggle, and it wont go unrewarded. In akhira, any dispute between you two will be judged by God, but you have to prepare from now, by obeying and serving him best you can.

If he wants to marry, let him, the Shariah allows it. Maybe if he has a company at home, he’ll stop abusing you. If he doesnt want to focus on ibadah, there nothing you can do for him, other than making dua or advise.

Its usually the ones having less glamourous jobs who took care of the parents. The one with better jobs busy with work, no time to take care.

One more thing, since you said youre working, I think you dont burden him financially. But if you do, then dont take his money at all, rather, give him money, or buy him gifts. Money and gifts make poeple happy.

May Allah make thing easy for you.

That makes two of us. Is the problem the father or the mom-to-be?

Just play along, why should you guys be offended if it goes straight to merisik? you said it yourself that maybe your father is the one pushing for this. and anyway, it's not like Islam dictates that your father requires permission from his children to remarry.

There are some stories of ulamak that either got married themselves, or married their daughters off without even going through the process of merisik with the family. even one of the sahabat went to "look" at a candidate woman by himself (without his family) before making the choice whether or not to proceed with the marriage. So really, merisik with the family is not an absolute requirement.

I can't remember the details at the moment, but I'll try to update once I get some sources.

Understandable. But how about if she turns out to be the right one? It doesn't sound like you have a reason to doubt her. At least not from what you're telling us. After all, you guys haven't really met the woman.

In fact some adventurist might say, "there is only one way to find out" whether she's the right one or not.

But if you actually have strong reasons to doubt the woman, then that's different.

Surah Al-Hujraat, Verse 12:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ

Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Jauhilah kebanyakan dari sangkaan (supaya kamu tidak menyangka sangkaan yang dilarang) kerana sesungguhnya sebahagian dari sangkaan itu adalah dosa; dan janganlah kamu mengintip atau mencari-cari kesalahan dan keaiban orang; dan janganlah setengah kamu mengumpat setengahnya yang lain. Adakah seseorang dari kamu suka memakan daging saudaranya yang telah mati? (Jika demikian keadaan mengumpat) maka sudah tentu kamu jijik kepadanya. (Oleh itu, patuhilah larangan-larangan yang tersebut) dan bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah; sesungguhnya Allah Penerima taubat, lagi Maha mengasihani.
(Melayu)

via iQuran

I think this verse is appropriate in this case. Like I said, only if you have strong reasons to doubt the woman, then it's different. Otherwise, it falls into the abive category, which we must avoid.

What I want to impress on you is to at least give this woman a chance first. After all, you guys have not met her. You cannot judge people you haven't even met. And besides, even if you had met her, how many times people tell us not to judge a book by its cover? Islam also teaches us to think good things, not to suspect our brothers and sisters. Only if you have strong reasons (proof) can you begin to doubt (suspect) them.

Anyway, you know your case better than anyone. You be the judge.