Sigh... I am super super down now... I am really desperate. I need to focus on my assignment, I am rushing for it as deadline on Monday, yet I still have to talk to her and settle about this matter. Everytime we talk about her, for sure we will start arguing or quarreling for days. Sigh

Just now on the phone with her, tried patiently talk to her. Suddenly, don't know why I felt stress out, I feel like exploding, trying to control myself but still can't. At last I explode, I really feel the pressure keep coming in and I just suddenly scream and left my phone hanging. I don't know what I am doing, I just know I off my both phone, tears flowing down and went out to drive my car. Yeah, for sure I drive dangerously as I keep on pressing the accelerator. I badly need help here. I don't know what happen, don't know what I am doing.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know whether I should let this relationship go a not. I just really seriously couldn't see her getting upsad, getting nightmare, curious this and that. She would think about K suddenly, think what I have done, and cry in herself, write in her diary. I just don't want to see her suffer. WHAT SHOULD I DO? Pls show me some guidance. I really did a big big big big mistake, but my 'punishment' is really a torturing 1, although even I receive my 'punishment', I felt really guilty, still guilty....