Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

**********
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**********
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got heart attack & our driver ran away.


**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son,that's
confidential!

**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should
talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints...

he's just an immortal

Pegawai TNB

Sepasang pengantin yang baru berkahwin 4 bulan. pada suatu malam si isteri memeluk leher suami dengan nada manja seraya berkata, "Sayang, period i dah lewat sebulan, tapi i tak boleh nak pastikan lagi sebab kita kena gi check kat doktor."

Si suami yang teramat gembira tu pun berpakat dengan isterinya untuk tidak memberitahu sesiapa pun tentang
perkhabaran gembira ini sehingga ianya benar - benar pasti.

Pada suatu hari, pasangan ini di datangi oleh pegawai dari TNB kerana terdapat tunggakkan dalam pembayaran bill elektrik rumah mereka.Pegawai TNB tu pun berkata " ini rumah En. Mahpus ker?" "iya, saya ni isterinya. ada apa encik"

Pegawai TNB tu pun berkata, "Puan, ni dah sebulan lewat, saya dah tak boleh tunggu ni, nanti boss saya marah."

Dengan nada terkejut, si isteri itu pun membalas balik cakap pegawai TNB tu.

" APA??? Macam mana pulak encik tahu yang saya ni sebulan lewat???"

Pegawai TNB tu pun dengan selamba menjawab "ala puan, ni kan zaman IT, semua tu ada dalam komputer dan kita boleh check Online"

Kata - kata pegawai TNB itu membuatkan si isteri tu lagi terkejut. "APAAA???? Saya lewat sebulan pun awak semua boleh tahuuu??? "

Pegawai TNB tu pun mententeramkan keadaan " Relek puan, puan ni baru lewat sebulan, ada yang lagi teruk, lewat 5-6 bulan"

Si isteri yang terperanjat beruk dengan kenyataan pegawai tu pun berkata, "nanti saya bincang dengan suami
saya.." lalau pegawai TNB tu pun beredar dari situ..

Keesokkan harinya, selepas si Mahphus ini di beritahu oleh isterinya, dia pun naik berang dan terus ambik cuti
dan pergi ke kedai TNB yang berdekatan..

Dengan tanpa menghiraukan pegawai-pegawai TNB yg ramai di situ,dia pun memekik seraya berkata "Apa korang ni, isteri saya sebulan lewat pun nak heboh - heboh ke dalam internet. awak ni semua yang berkeluarga tak pernah lewat sebulan kerrrr????!! bisness apa korang buat niii?? nak kena saman kerr???

Lalu pegawai yang datang kerumah si Mahphus ni berdiri dan mententeramkan keadaan. "sabar encik, sabar encik. apa susah, kalau cik nak settlekan perkara ni, bayar je..." kata-kata pegawai TNB tu membuat kan si mahphus naik berang.

"APAAA?? nak bayar korang? belahhhh lahh...."

Lalu pegawai TNB tu pun cakap " kalau macam tu, Kita terpaksa potong encik punya..........."

Si Mahpus mencelah " apa??? potong??? abih tu isteri saya di rumah nak pakai apaaaaaa???

Pegawai TNB tu pun cakap " nampak gayanye..ISTERI ENCIK KENA PAKAI LILIN AJERRRLAAAAAAAA"

1. Men are like ........ Laxatives ...... They irritate the shit out of you.

2. Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.


3. Men are like ........ Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them..

4. Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....... Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ........ Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ........ Government Bonds . They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ....... Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ....... Popcorn . . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like . Snowstorms ............... You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ......... Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Older Version

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Modern Version

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant ' s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

TV1, TV2 & TV3 show up to ! provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The majority of the Malaysian Parliment stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper allowed suffering so?

Khairy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant ' s house .

Nazri goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

MOst of the related people criticizes the Malaysia Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The local news paper & the Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Deputy minister immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers.

Hishammudin makes 'More Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant; fined for failing to comply with 30% sharing and having nothing
left to pay his retroactive taxes; its home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by maju ---------.

Prime Minister announces to the whole Malaysia that this is part of the NEP and all have to respect, no question ask and have to follow it.

Many years later

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company. 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in Malaysia because of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, Malaysia is still a developing country!!!

All bcos the ANTS are still doing their work.............................