A Realistic Look At Job Descriptions
  An ADULT is a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is
  now growing in the middle.

  CANNIBAL Someone who is fed up with people.
 
  CHICKENS are the only animals you eat before
  they are born and after they are dead.
                                                 
  A COMMITTEE is a body that keeps minutes and
  wastes hours.                                   
                                                   
  DUST is mud with the juice squeezed out. 

  An EGOTIST is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

  A GOSSIP is a person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do
  more damage.

  A HANDKERCHIEF is cold storage.
       
  INFLATION is cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
     
  A MYTH is a female moth.
 
A MOSQUITO is an insect that makes you like flies better.     
                                                 
  RAISINS are grape with a sunburn.               
                                                     
  A SECRET is something you tell to one person at a time.
                                                   
  A SKELETON is a bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
                                                       
  A TOOTHACHE is the pain that drives you to extraction.

  TOMORROW is one of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

  A YAWN is an honest opinion openly expressed.

  WRINKLES are something other people have. You have character lines.

  A BANKER is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
  shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

  An ECONOMIST is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
  predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
                  .
  A STATISTICIAN is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the
personality to be an accountant.

An ACTUARY is someone who brings a fake bomb  on a plane, because that
decreases the chances  that there will be another bomb on the plane.
     
A PROGRAMMER is someone who solves a problem  you didn't know you had
in a way you don't understand.

A MATHEMATICIAN is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which
isn't there.

  A TOPOLOGIST is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee
cup and a  doughnut.

  A LAWYER is a person who write a 10,000 word document and calls it
  a "brief."

  A PSYCHOLOGIST is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful
  girl enters the room.

  A PROFESSOR is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

  A SCHOOLTEACHER is a disillusioned woman
  who used to think she liked children.

  A CONSULTANT is someone who takes the watch
  off your wrist and tells you the time.

  A DIPLOMAT is someone who can tell you to
  go to hell in such a way that you will look
  forward to the trip.