For the ciggy kaki

MY COMPANY NEW REGULATION
Effective January 2007   

To all Employees:


....Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
Could you provide the scientific calculation as well as findings to prove that an average person are able to wrestle the belt, tear off the zip, push down the trousers, start the "ERMMM....!", wait for the "BANG!!!", clean-up, flush (negligible), put back the pieces of once known as your clothes, and wash the hands (again negligible) all within 10800 seconds.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
Could it be change to a more soothing music? It helps with the motion passing.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
What would happen to the first picture?
PERVERTS!!!!!

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Hey that is what Tanjung Rambutan is for...

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[/spoiler]

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and doe not use a condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tell the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".

The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there is no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis".

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".

The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease".

The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"

"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.

"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Penis fall off by self! You save money".