Note Found on the Refrigerator One  Morning:

My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that
you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you
and I value you as a good wife.. Therefore, after reading this letter, I
hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be
spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn
Hotel. Please don't be upset, I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on
the dining room table:

My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty
about my being 54 years old... I would like to take this opportunity to
remind you that you are  also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths
teacher at our local college.
  I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the
Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant
tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years
old.
  As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of maths,
you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one
small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into
18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

Little Johnny

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b****es would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"