One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher
says to the class "Go home and think of a story
and then conclude with the moral of the story
was.....".

The following day the teacher asks for the first
volunteer to tell their story. Suzy raises her
hand, "My daddy owns a farm and every Sunday
we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive
into town to sell them at the market. Well one
Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew
out of the basket and onto the road.

The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy
replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one
basket." "Well done, Suzy. Now who wants to go
next?" asks the teacher. Lucy quickly raises her
hand. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every
weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them
in the incubator. Last weekend, only 8 of the 12
eggs hatched." "And the moral?"

Lucy replies, "Don't count your chickens before
they're hatched.". "Excellent, Lucy. Who's next?

Johnny jumps up. "My dad fought in the Vietnam
War, his plane was shot down over enemy
territory. He was able to jump out before it
crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun
and a machete. On the way down, he drank the
whole case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right
in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot
70 with his machine gun until he ran out of bullets.
Then, he pulled out his machete and killed 20
more. But the blade on his machete broke, so he
killed the last ten with his bare hands."

The teacher looks at Johnny with a shocked
expression, "My goodness Johnny. Can there
possibly be a moral to this story?

Johnny replies, "Yes.... Don't f*** with my dad
when he's drinking".

A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level
when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He
goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no
equipment stays with him. He takes out a
waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell
can you stay down this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, "You
*******, I'm drowning."

DatukNameTooLongItIs?


>I suffer from an incurable disease. Its called Datuknametoolongitis.
>
>Datuknametoolongitis is typically characterised by the sufferer's
>inability to remember people's names in full, especially that of the
>Datuks. At best the sufferer can absorb the first three syllables of
the
>name. Anything after that becomes pure gibberish.
>
>
>
>Jalan Datuk what-what-what?
>
>
>Kuching, my hometown, is a city that discriminates victims of
>Datuknametoolongitis, like me. I'm saying that because 70% of the
roads
>here are named after famous people, most of whom are Datuks, some of
>whom have unfortunately very very long names.
>
>
>Many years ago I remember studying at a Chinese Primary School along
>Pineapple Road, not too far from Palm Road. I remember a Jalan
Keretapi
>(Train Road) near Wisma Saberkas. There's even a oddly named Jalan
>Central Barat (Central West Road), which is a strange fusion of Malay
>and English words.
>
>
>
>Jalan Rambutan. One of the few old road that retained its name. No
>there's no Jalan Coconuts.
>
>
>I then travelled to Perth Australia where I stayed for eight years
>growing accustomed to road names like Hay Street where I do my
shopping,
>and James Street where there's good bubble tea, great coffee and
>fantastic pubs at night. The longest road name I've came across is
>probably Sir Charles Court Promenade, which is more of a walkway on
>campus than a road.
>
>
>And then I return to Kuching. And I experienced reverse culture shock.
>
>
>There are some changes with Kuching that I can put up with. Then there
>are some that I cannot.
>
>
>
>One road, two names. One new, one old. Kinda defeats the purpose of
>changing its name isn't it?
>
>
>Gone was Jalan Central Barat, its now Jalan Tan Sri Ong Kee Hui. Gone
>were Palm Road and Jalan Keretapi, its now Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi
Adruce
>.
>
>
>I have nothing against their names. I don't even know who the heck
they
>are. But I'm sure at one point or another probably they did something
so
>magnificient the city council decided to name a road after them. Then
>another. And another. And one more. Then another...
>
>
>As if remembering long and complicated names wasn't difficult enough
for
>sufferers of Datuknametoolongitis like me, I was further punished by
>having to differentiate between two almost similar road names.
>
>
>
>Two roads, similar names. But the difference is day and night.
>
>
>Its not that I didn't try remembering the names. Believe me, I tried.
>Its very difficult to know the names by heart. One trick I find very
>useful is to associate the road name with food.
>
>
>
>
>Doing so helps me remember long road names, but makes me hungry very
>easily.
>
>
>Its too bad some road names are a bit too long for me to use that
trick.
>
>
>
>
>Umm... Jalan Murtabak?
>
>
>Then they start naming the roundabouts after these famous people.
>
>
>
>Try reading them double fast without pausing.
>
>
>How bad can this get? I thought those were the worst, I have no idea.
>
>
>Until I came face to face... with The Mother of All Long Roundabout
>Names.
>
>
>
>Its not true what they said about Sarawakians living on trees you
know.
>That's not what we're famous for.
>
>
>We're famous for giving road directions to tourists.
>
>
>Angmoh tourist: "Excuse me, how do I get to the library?"
>
>
>Local Sarawakian: "Oh that's easy! >From here, go along Jalan Datuk
>Abang Abdul Rahim, turn right at Jalan Tun Abdul Rahman and drive
until
>you reach Bulatan Datuk Temenggong Abang Kipali Bin Abang Akip . Do a
3
>o'clock towards Jalan TunKU Abdul Rahman, make a left at Jalan Tun
Ahmad
>Zaidi Adruce and drive until you reach the roundabout at Bulatan Datuk
>Amar Abang Haji Suleiman Bin Haji Taha . Exit at Jalan Tun Abang Haji
>Openg, then turn left at Jalan Laksamana Cheng Ho. Soon you'll reach
>Bulatan Datuk Menteri Abang Haji Mohammad Zin Bin Haji Salleh, where
you
>should turn into Jalan Tun Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Muhammad
Salahuddin
>until you arrive Bulatan Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Abdillah Bin Datuk
>Bandar Abang Haji Mohammad Kassim.
>
>
>The library is just on your left. Any questions?"
>
>Angmoh tourist: "Huh?"

--TEKA TEKI MENGHILANGKAN BORING

S : Apa dia: ayam di luar, ikan di dalam?

J : Ikan sardin cap ayam.

S : Bebanyak tempat, dimanakah air tidak pernah cerah?

J : Ayer Hitam (Air Hitam)

S : Kalau semua binatang jadi ikan, ikan jadi apa?

J : Ikan jadi banyaklah.

S : Bebanyak ikan, ikan apa yang selalu sakit perut?

J : Ikan kembung.

S : Apa dia: bila kecik dia hitam, bila besar jadi putih?

J : Michael Jackson.

S : Bebanyak singa, singa apa yang tak makan daging?

J : Singapura.

S : Kenapa hidung lembu sentiasa berair?

J : Lembu tak tahu nak kesat hidungnya dengan tisu.

S : Burung apakah yang paling penyayang?

J : Burung belatuk... sebab dia bela atuk.

S : Lembu apakah yang selalu dicari?

J : Lembu apalagi... lembu yang hilanglah.

S : Bom apakah yang tak pernah meletup?

J : Bomba ataupun kuih bom.

J : Kereta apa yang orang tak pernah panggil kereta?

S : Teksi.

===If ADAM and EVE are chinese?===

We would all be in heaven if
Adam and Eve are chinese.
Because they would eat
the snake instead of the apple.