some random stuff from email.

Summary of Life
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge..mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you bend down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 18 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

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Added on December 9, 2008, 1:12 amunsure if this is repost but...


Seorang wartawan lelaki telah di tugaskan membuat liputan dan siasatan
mengenai aktiviti

kelab gay di Bukit Bintang. Dia di kehendaki menyamar sebagai gay.
Wartawan itu dengan

senang hati menggayakan pakaian dan cara seorang gay. Setelah seminggu
mempelajari

tingkahlaku dan gaya seorang gay, akhirnya pada malam minggu itu
wartawan itu masuk ke

kelab gay tersebut.

Wartawan itu dipasang dengan microphone n camera bersaiz kecil bagi
merakam segala aksi

dan aktiviti di kelab gay tersebut. Setelah masuk wartawan itu terus
menuju ke bar utama dan

memesan segelas bir. Dia hanya duduk sambil memerhatikan
gelagat-gelagat gay di kelab

tersebut. Ada yang menari dan ada yang duduk sambil berpeluk-pelukan
sesama lelaki.

Wartawan itu merasa geli geleman melihat tingkahlaku mereka.

"Hai...sorang ke bro", tiba-tiba wartawan itu di sapa.

"A'ah, saya tunggu kawan saya. Tak sampai-sampai lagi ni", kata
wartawan itu separuh

menjerit kerana kebingitan muzik di kelab itu.

Tiba-tiba wartawan itu berasa sakit perut. Rasa seperti ingin kentut sahaja.

"Muzik tengah kuat ni bolehlah aku kentut ni", bisik hati wartawan itu.

Wartawan itu pun melepaskan kentutnya. Satu demi satu.
Berturut-turutan. Tiba-tiba muzik

rancak itu berhenti kerana DJ nya ingin menukar ke lagu perlahan.
Sementara proses

pertukaran lagu itu kentut wartawan itu telah di dengari oleh gay-gay
yg berhampiran dengan

wartawan itu.

"Eh eh... ada dara lagi la kat sini", ujar salah seorang gay di situ
sambil memandang wartawan

itu.

"A'ah lah... kat depan kita ada dara", ujar yang lain pula.

Semua gay di situ telah pergi mendapatkan wartawan itu. Semua wajah
mereka menunjukkan

keghairahan nafsu yang ketara.

"Saya bukan dara lagi la", ujar wartawan itu.

"Kalau dah tak dara kenapa kentut. Kuat lak tu. Sempit tuu...", ujar
salah seorang gay itu.

Tergamam wartawan itu. Akhirnya dirinya di noda secara bergilir-gilir
oleh pengunjung kelab

gay itu. Menangis teresak-esak wartawan itu. Akhirnya nikmat kentut
sudah tidak akan dapat

dirasai lagi sepanjang hidupnya.

Moral kepada lelaki : Jangan kentut dihadapan GAY. AWAS!!



This post has been edited by gummy88: Dec 9 2008, 01:12 AM