An Australian tourism site has recently posted some of the most beguiling questions received by potential travellers to our fair shores, as well as potential answers. Any of these sound familiar?
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I've never seen it rain on TV. How do your plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all of our plants fully grown and then sit around watching them die.
Q: My wife and I enjoy walking tours. How long will it take us to get from Perth to Sydney on foot? (Canada)

A: How long did it take you to do your last 4,000 kilometre walk? Bring a bottle of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? If so, can you send me a list of all of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: What is the weather like in Vienna in May? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available year-round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful nation of vegan hunters and gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Are the rattlesnakes in Melbourne deadly? Do you sell anti-venom at the grocery store? (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-i-ca, which is where you come from. Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make great pets.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? If so, when? (France)

A: Occasionally, and if so than during our Christmas annual leave.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go in Australia? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
So keep a smile on your face and a map in your rucksack the next time you exercise your passport.