Ghosts

A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle. At the end of the tour, the guide asks her how she enjoyed it.

She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages.

"Don't worry," says the guide, "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here."

"How long is that"? asks the girl.

"About three hundred years."


Creepy?

This post has been edited by altie: Oct 23 2006, 02:32 AM

Great jokes everyone. Edifgrto, don't mean to be a nitpicker (but I will just for fun, no offense), but I think the British Intelligence is MI5, not MI6. Oh well, no big deal. Also, could you explain the sperm-count-bottle-can't-open joke to me? I don't get it..

Oh well, on to my joke.

The Deaf Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather learns that his bookkeeper has embezzled ten million dollars. The bookkeeper is deaf and that was the reason he got the job in the first place.

It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything that he'd ever have to testify about in court. So, when the Godfather interrogates the bookkeeper about the missing $10 million, he brings along an attorney who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper, "Where's the 10 million you embezzled from me"?

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says, "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back, "Okay! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say"?

The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Greeting Cards You Might Never See...

* I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

* As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

* Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

* When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

* We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

* I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

* Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

* Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

* Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.