Hi, have a good laugh!!

A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been
kept for 15
years. As
he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it
looking for money and
guns, but all he finds is a young couple in bed. He
orders the guy out
of
bed, ties him up on a chair. While tying the girl up
to the bed he gets
on
top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and
goes to the
bathroom.

While he is in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is
an
escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably
spent lots of time
in
prison, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he
kissed your
neck.

If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do
what he tells
you,
give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if
he gets angry, he
will
kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my
neck. He was
whispering
in my ear. He told me he was gay and found you very
sexy, and asked if
we
kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. So be strong honey,
I love you."

An Indian man died and went to heaven. When he
> > arrived at the heaven Gate Siva the God said, "Come
> > on in. I'll show you around. You'll like it here."
> >
> > Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks
> > everywhere.
> >
> > There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches,
> > and clocks in every corner. It appeared that heaven
> > was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
> >
> > Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked, "God
> > Siva, what's the deal? Why are all these clocks here
> > in heaven?"
> >
> > God Siva replied, "The clocks keep track of things
> > on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every
> > time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock
> > moves one minute."
> >
> > "For instance, this clock is for Aru, the used car
> > salesman.
> >
> > If you watch it closely, it will move." "Click." The
> > minute hand on Aru's clock moved one minute.
> > "Click." It moved another minute.
> >
> > "Aru must be into closing a customer right now,"
> > said God Siva. "The minute hand on his clock moves
> > all day."
> >
> > The man and God Siva continued walking. Soon, they
> > came to a clock with cobwebs on the minute hand.
> > "Whose clock is this?" asked the man.
> >
> > "That clock belongs to the Widow Achi. She is one of
> > the finest, God-fearing, people on earth. I bet her
> > clock hasn't moved in a year or two."
> >
> > They continued walking and touring heaven. The man
> > enjoyed watching the clocks of all his friends.
> >
> > When the tour was finished, the man said, "I've seen
> > everyone's clock but Mr.Samy Vellu's. Where is his
> > clock?
> >
> > God Siva smiled, "Just look up. We use his clock for
> > a ceiling fan."

> > > If Abbott and Costello were still around today their famous
sketch
> > > "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this ...
> > >
> > > COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . .
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm
thinking
> > > about buying a computer.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Mac?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Your computer?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Mac?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Oh never mind, how about Windows?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Why? My office doesn't have windows?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the
windows?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
programs.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Okay, programs for Windows?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: What? No. On the computer! I need something I can use
to
>write
> > > proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you
got?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Office.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: I just did.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: You just did what?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Recommend something.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: You recommended something?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Yes.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: For my office?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: You got it.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Yeah I know, that's why I need a computer!
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Good, I'm glad we got that settled.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Alright, tell me what you recommend for my office?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: That's it, Office.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Ok, listen close ... I recommend Office with Windows.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just
say
>I'm
> > > sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I
need?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Word.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: What word?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Word in Office.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start
with
>some
> > > straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the
Internet?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is
none of
> > > your business. Just tell me what I need!
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Real One.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4.
Can I
> > > watch them?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Of course.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Great! With what?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Real One.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
What do
>I
> > > do?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: The blue "1".
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: What word?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the
world.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: It is?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.
It
> > > pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even
part
> > > of Office.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
> > > bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Money.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Money.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Money.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: One copy.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
> > >
> > > A FEW DAYS LATER . .
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Click on "START"..........