this is a repost!

>Customer  : Waiter, do you serve crabs?

>Waiter    : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

>

>

>

>

>Customer  : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?

>Waiter    : Can't you tell the difference by taste?

>Customer  : No, I can't.

>Waiter    : Then does it really matter?

>

>

>

>

>Customer  : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.

>Waiter    : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

>

>

>

>

>Customer  : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

>Waiter    : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

>

>

>

>

>Customer  : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.

>Waiter    : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

>

>

>

>

>Customer  : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?

>Waiter    : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

>

>

>

>

>Customer  : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.

>Waiter    : Funny?  But then why aren't you laughing?

>

>

>

>

>Lady              : Is this my train?

>Station Master    : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

>Lady              : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take

>This train to New Delhi.

>Station Master    : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

>

>

>

>Teacher        : Peter, why are you late for school again?

>Peter          : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and

>The

>game went into extra time.

>

>

>

>

>Wife        : Do you want dinner?

>Husband    : Sure, what are my choices?

>Wife        : Yes and no.

>

>

>

>

>

>A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a

>Commotion in the gallery.

>The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."

>The

>drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have A

>scotch

>and soda."

>

>

>

>

>Customer        : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in

>Two days time?

>Post Master    : Yes sir, it definitely will.

>Customer        : I bet you, it won't.

>Post Master    : Why not?

>Customer        : It's addressed to Mumbai.

>

>

>

>

>An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.

>'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'

>'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

>'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

>

>

>

>

>Girl    : Do you love me?

>Boy    : Yes Dear.

>Girl    : Would you die for me?

>Boy    : No, mine is undying love.

>

>

>

>

>1st thief    : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!

>2nd

>thief    : But this is the 13th floor.

>1st thief    : Hurry! This is no time for superstitions.

>

>

>

>

>Man  : How old is your father?

>Boy  : As old as me.

>Man  : How can that be?

>Boy  : He became a father only when I was born.

>

>

>

>

>Teacher  : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the

>Field"

>Student  : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

>Teacher  : How?

>Student  : Ladies first.

>

>

>

>

>Waiter    : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

>Customer  : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

>

>

>

>

>Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,

>Shouting,

>

>"Daddy!  Daddy!  I got a 100 in school today!"

>"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.

>"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."

>"Well,"  began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and

>20

>in science."