Flat Tire

A Software guy, a Hardware guy and a Mainframe guy are driving across the desert when they get a flat tire. The Mainframe guy says, "Well, now we have to get a new car."

The Hardware guy says, "I got a better idea. Let's rotate the tires and see if we can isolate the problem."

The Software guy says, "Nah, let's run it another thirty miles and see if the problem reoccurs."

Number One Idiot of 2003

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
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Number Two Idiot of 2003

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a
float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming
towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the
emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
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Number Three Idiot of 2003

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
Branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
Whil e standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that
he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could
not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was
arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank
of America.

Don't bother with this guy' s sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
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Number Four Idiot of 2003

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.

He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.

Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.

He immediately mailed in his $40.

Smart*ss... but you still get a sign
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Number Five Idiot of 2003

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer.

After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he
was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't
believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and she put the Scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address
of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.
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Idiot Number Six of 2003

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.

The first one shouted, "Nobody moves!" When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
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Idiot Number Seven of 2003

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking
him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep,
Here's your sign

A blonde walked into an electronics store and told the salesman, "I want that T.V."

and she points to the display.

He looks at her and tells her, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to sell that to blondes."

So the blonde, all ticked off, walks out of the store.

An hour later, she walks back into the same store with a black wig on. She walks up to the salesman and says, "I want to buy that T.V."

and she points to the display.

He looks at her and said, "I'm sorry, but I already told you we can't sell that to blondes."

So she walks out of the store mad again without a T.V.

A few weeks later she gets a makeover, new hair color and everything, and she walks back into that electronics store. She walks up to the salesman and says, "I want to buy that T.V."

and points to the display.

The salesman shakes his head and tells her, "I told you twice already, I can't sell that to blondes."



The blonde looks at him and says, "How do you know that I'm a blonde?"