A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.

While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told him, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for just $150.00."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker was surprised and asked, "Why? Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to spend only $150.00?"

The man said, "A man died here 2000 years ago, he was buried here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Got it!!!

haha...good one...

The inventor of Harley-Davidson Motorcycle Co. Arthur Davidson died, and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven. "

Arthur thought about it for a minute and said,

"I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognised Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarassed, but finally said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Clestial Supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention that yours."

nice!!

message: About a century or two ago, the Pope
decided
that
all the Chinese had
to
leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar
from
the Chinese
community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a
religious
debate with a member
of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win,
they
could stay. If the
Pope wins, the Chinese would leave.

The Chinese realized that they had no other
choice. So they picked a
middle-aged man named Ah Peh to represent
them.

Ah Peh asked for one condition to be added to
the
debate. "To make it
more interesting", he said, "neither side
would be
allowed to talk".

The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate
came.
Ah Peh and the Pope
sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed
three
fingers. Ah Peh looked
back at him and raised one finger. The Pope
waved
his fingers in a
circle around his head. Ah Peh pointed to the
ground at where he sat.


The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of
wine. Ah
Peh pull out an
apple.

The Pope stood up and said: "I give up. This
man
is too good. The
Chinese can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around
The
Pope asking him what
happened?. The Pope said, "first I held up
three
fingers to represent
the holy trinity. He responded by holding up
one
finger to remind me
that there was still one God common to both
our
religions."

"Then I waved my finger around me to show
him
that
God was all around
us." He responded by pointing to the ground
and
showing that God was
also right here with us."

"I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that
God
absolves all sin. He
showed me an apple to remind us of the
original
sin. He had an answer
for everything.

What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Chinese community had
crowded
around Ah Peh. "What
happened?" they asked.

Well," said Ah Peh, "First he indicated to me
that
all Chinese had 3
days to get out of here. I replied to him f*@k
off
and not one of us
was
leaving." "Then he pointed that this whole city
would be cleared of
Chinese. I showed him that we are staying
right
here." "Yes, and
then???" asked the crowd. "I don't know", said
Ah
Peh, "He took out his
lunch, and I took out mine!!!"

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE...
FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us b****ing about you leaving it down.

2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

3. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

4. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.

6. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

7. Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

8. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

9. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

10. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

11. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

12. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

13. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

14. You have enough clothes.

15. You have too many shoes.

16. Crying is blackmail.

17. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one. Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

19. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

20. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

21. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

22. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

23. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

24. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

25. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, or Jet Li flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway).

26. Check your oil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

27. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

28. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

29. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

30. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

32. Let us ogle (stare). We're going to look anyway. It's genetic.

33. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

34. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

35. If it itches, it will be scratched.

36. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

37. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong.

38. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

39. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that. It's like camping.

=======================================================

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26,

then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and,

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

and, look how far ass kissing will take you:

A-S-S--K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass Kissing will put you over the top!


This post has been edited by WhitE LighteR: Aug 24 2005, 04:36 AM

why is a man sleeping wit a bra

The term man means universal
That is men and women.

WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN
_________________________________________________

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
_________________________________________________

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......
"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
________________________________________________

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
_________________________________________________

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
_________________________________________________

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a b**** to iron."
_________________________________________________

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said,"Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
_________________________________________________

A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a b**** is seven. Three plus six, that son of a b**** is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b**** is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
_________________________________________________

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, "...and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy crap! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes

In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE , BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Septic tank truck sign reads:
We're #1 in the #2 business.

Sign over a gynecologist's office:
Dr. Jones, at your cervix.

At a proctologist's door
To expedite your visit please back in.

On a plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.

On the trucks of a local plumbing company:
Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

Pizza shop slogan:
7 days without pizza makes one weak.

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.

Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
Hello. Can we pick your nose?

At a laundry shop:
How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?

At a towing company:
We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.

On an electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.

On a maternity room door:
Push. Push. Push.

In a podiatrist's office:
Time wounds all heels.

In a nonsmoking area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

At an optometrist's office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff.

On a fence:
Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.

At a car dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Outside a muffler shop:
No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

At the electric company:
We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.

In a restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a funeral home:
Drive carefully. We'll wait.

At a propane filling station,
Tank heaven for little grills.

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago radiator shop:
Best place in town to take a leak

This post has been edited by leinnz: Aug 25 2005, 04:26 PM

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice ! as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

This post has been edited by skincladalien: Aug 26 2005, 10:22 PM

This is a list of common words used in offices. Figure out what these
really mean:

1) For your information, please. (FYI)
We don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.

2) Noted.
We don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.

3) Review and comment.
Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.

4) Action please.
Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.

5) For your necessary action.
It's your headache now.

6) Copy to.
Here's a share of the headache.

7) For your approval, please.
Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.

8) Action is being taken.
Your correspondence is lost and we are still trying to locate it.

9) Your letter is receiving our attention.
We are still trying to figure out what you want.

10) Please discuss.
I don't know what this is, so please brief me.

11) For your immediate action.
Do it NOW! Or we'll all get into trouble.

12) Please reply soon.
Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.

13) We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant
authorities.
They are causing the delay, not us.

14) Regards.
Thanks for reading all the bullshit ..

This post has been edited by leinnz: Aug 30 2005, 01:37 PM

Nothing is better than sex,
Masturbate is better than nothing,
conclusion: Masturbate is better than sex!

Seorang CEO ingin mencari eksekutif baru dalam syarikatnya. Dari beribu
permohonan, hanya empat yang betul-betul menarik perhatiannya.
Bagaimanapun
beliau tidak dapat memilih antara keempat-empat orang calon
tersebut, lantas memanggil kesemuanya untuk ditemuduga ( beliau
tidak sekaya Donald Trump untuk menganjurkan temuduga seperti The Apprentice ).

Setelah keempat-empat calon berada di hadapan beliau, CEO tadi
pun mula berkata " Saya ada satu soalan yang mungkin memberi jawapan
berbeza, calon yang memberikan jawapan terbaik akan diterima untuk bekerja di sini"
"Soalannya adalah apakah perkara atau benda yang paling pantas
sekali? "tanya CEO tersebut.


Calon pertama berkata " FIKIRAN , kerana kadang ianya datang sendiri tanpa kita sedari "

" Bagus , satu jawapan yang baik " kata CEO tadi. " Kamu pula ? "
tanyanya kepada calon kedua.

" KELIP MATA , kerana tanpa kita sedari , sebelum sempat kita
buat apa pun,
mata kita dah berkelip " jawab calon kedua.

" Satu jawapan yang sangat baik , lagipun perumpamaan melayu pun
ada sebut SEKELIP MATA melambangkan kepantasan " kata CEO itu. " Bagaimana kamu pula ? " tanya CEO kepada calon ketiga.


" Kalau kita tengok, lampu KLCC dihidupkan dengan pantas walaupun
bangunan tu tinggi. Jadi saya rasa MENGHIDUPKAN LAMPU adalah
paling pantas "
jawab calon ketiga.


" Jawapan yang terhebat setakat ni. Bagaimana pula dengan kamu ? "
CEO terus mengusulkan soalan kepada calon keempat dengan merasakan
calon ketiga hampir pasti menjadi eksekutif baru di syarikatnya
dengan jawapan yang
sangat bagus sebentar tadi.

" Setelah diteliti jawapan calon-calon sebelum saya ni tadi, saya
rasa
perkara yang paling pantas sekali adalah CIRIT-BIRIT " jawab
calon keempat dengan yakin sekali.


" Haaa...???? CIRIT-BIRIT ???? Kamu ni tak serius langsung,
macamana kamu boleh mintak kerja dengan syarikat saya ni ? " CEO
terkejut dengan jawapan calon keempat tadi.


"Begini tuan, malam kelmarin saya terjaga di tengah malam dengan
rasa sakit perut yang amat sangat. Belum sempat saya FIKIR ,
KELIP MATA atau MENGHIDUPKAN LAMPU, benda tu dah
terkeluar dah.............."

Calon keempat diterima menjadi eksekutif baru syarikat
berkenaan..............

Hehehehehhe........................

^

So funny all the joke.Keep up the good work.Hehe.....

Hi, have a good laugh!!

A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been
kept for 15
years. As
he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it
looking for money and
guns, but all he finds is a young couple in bed. He
orders the guy out
of
bed, ties him up on a chair. While tying the girl up
to the bed he gets
on
top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and
goes to the
bathroom.

While he is in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is
an
escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably
spent lots of time
in
prison, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he
kissed your
neck.

If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do
what he tells
you,
give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if
he gets angry, he
will
kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my
neck. He was
whispering
in my ear. He told me he was gay and found you very
sexy, and asked if
we
kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. So be strong honey,
I love you."

An Indian man died and went to heaven. When he
> > arrived at the heaven Gate Siva the God said, "Come
> > on in. I'll show you around. You'll like it here."
> >
> > Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks
> > everywhere.
> >
> > There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches,
> > and clocks in every corner. It appeared that heaven
> > was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
> >
> > Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked, "God
> > Siva, what's the deal? Why are all these clocks here
> > in heaven?"
> >
> > God Siva replied, "The clocks keep track of things
> > on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every
> > time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock
> > moves one minute."
> >
> > "For instance, this clock is for Aru, the used car
> > salesman.
> >
> > If you watch it closely, it will move." "Click." The
> > minute hand on Aru's clock moved one minute.
> > "Click." It moved another minute.
> >
> > "Aru must be into closing a customer right now,"
> > said God Siva. "The minute hand on his clock moves
> > all day."
> >
> > The man and God Siva continued walking. Soon, they
> > came to a clock with cobwebs on the minute hand.
> > "Whose clock is this?" asked the man.
> >
> > "That clock belongs to the Widow Achi. She is one of
> > the finest, God-fearing, people on earth. I bet her
> > clock hasn't moved in a year or two."
> >
> > They continued walking and touring heaven. The man
> > enjoyed watching the clocks of all his friends.
> >
> > When the tour was finished, the man said, "I've seen
> > everyone's clock but Mr.Samy Vellu's. Where is his
> > clock?
> >
> > God Siva smiled, "Just look up. We use his clock for
> > a ceiling fan."

> > > If Abbott and Costello were still around today their famous
sketch
> > > "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this ...
> > >
> > > COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . .
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm
thinking
> > > about buying a computer.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Mac?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Your computer?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Mac?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Oh never mind, how about Windows?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Why? My office doesn't have windows?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the
windows?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
programs.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Okay, programs for Windows?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: What? No. On the computer! I need something I can use
to
>write
> > > proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you
got?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Office.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: I just did.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: You just did what?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Recommend something.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: You recommended something?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Yes.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: For my office?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: You got it.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Yeah I know, that's why I need a computer!
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Good, I'm glad we got that settled.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Alright, tell me what you recommend for my office?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: That's it, Office.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Ok, listen close ... I recommend Office with Windows.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just
say
>I'm
> > > sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I
need?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Word.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: What word?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Word in Office.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start
with
>some
> > > straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the
Internet?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is
none of
> > > your business. Just tell me what I need!
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Real One.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4.
Can I
> > > watch them?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Of course.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Great! With what?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Real One.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
What do
>I
> > > do?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: The blue "1".
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: What word?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the
world.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: It is?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.
It
> > > pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even
part
> > > of Office.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
> > > bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Money.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Money.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Money.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: One copy.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
> > >
> > > A FEW DAYS LATER . .
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
> > >
> > > COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
> > >
> > > ABBOTT: Click on "START"..........

read on


Dear Sweetheart,

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart

Your husband
Allen

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him
some
other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and
I
hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise !!!

Your Sweet Heart