I believe everyone who are fighting now knows that Depression have no face.

I, myself always try be normal when I'm outside and hangout with friends.

Deep inside, I guess.. it's all about yourself. No matter how hard you try to be own best. Things not went well, if things went well... somehow I think because of luck.
Everytime I try to think Positive, there's an evil or shadow inside you said 'you're a worthless'.. something like that.
Hard to explain.... I thought just let it out, cry non stop for hours will cure this shit hole. At the end, it will return again in short period.

I do once in a while tell them I'm emotionally and mentally struggle to stand on ground.
Most of them just say "Mengada-ada" or "You need more sleep!" etc.

But its been 2 years for me.

I tried work out, not working.
I tried to sleep early and wake up early, same. Not working.
Change my food diet, still not working.

So I decide to travel back to the place where I feel happy and productive all the time. Stay there for 40 days. Somehow it working.. I felt happy, maybe cured?

Then 40 days ends.. for the first time I felt a very hard butterfly in the stomach during the plane depart. My leg started to shake unconsciously without realizing it until the front sit person ask me I move too much.

I thought it was normal lah...

But it kept on coming... and for the past 2 months it is getting worst. And I had the worst Christmas ever. I skip most of year end gathering because everytime I think about it... I started panic for no reason.

Until I found this section on lowyat.

I am very transparent on this issues.. I shared a few but majority don't take it seriously.

If anyone knows a good therapy in Kota Kinabalu.
That's already a big help.

Thank you in-advanced.

This post has been edited by Flanegan: Dec 26 2017, 06:42 AM