shop and spend~!

haha. i'll go crazy. go hang out alone. eat a lot. sleep a lot.. dun want to work.. avoid people. sigh

shed the tears, write em down on a paper ans throw it away.

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Added on June 29, 2008, 1:04 amand*

normally i watch anime till i go crazy, since im kinda broke and im not a good chatter with guys. T.T and i don't wanna look like a huge watermelon about to burst..but watching too much anime doesn't seem to settle my problem..

um...i have a past problem that is still hanging in my heart... i know that this problem of my frenship is hard to mend it back but im just thinking if there is a way to save my friendship back. well i hav an old school mate best fren who is one year younger then me name Aki *not her real name*.we have been frens almost 5 years until times changes alot wen i started to work and she studying in college and met some new frens. there were time i just don't know how to help her wen she have love problems. because i never gone through b4 and she has a broken family so she relies on me more then her family to help her.so i tried my best and support to help her.but my parents dislike me for involving into her love problems too much.so i avoid helping, afraid wat im doing may damage more for her relationship.
then she told me she had another college fren as her bestfren named Bety. i kinda dislike the idea but tried to get along. Bety is a nice gal but...always sticking to A and both of them always ignored me wen we are outing or shopping. then there were one time wat Aki did made me very angry is that she likes 2 guys and one of them i like him too. but sadly, i know he likes Aki more then me, but im still feeling not fair and angry. so in the clouds of anger i wrote alot bad stuff in journal about Aki but didn't mentioned about my liking to the guy.and she read it all up and show it to her college fren.that was my worst childish mistake of showing my anger to her.
  so Aki thinks that i simply hates her because of jealousy on so much attention she gets and ignores me.(which is actly half-half true)
i know i did a big mistake and i asked advice from my mom, she says to ignore her coz of her bad habit of lifestyle and her childish char isn't worth a good frenship. but...i do like her as my bestfren but kinda hated her for being abit ignorant. so she called me with Bety on her side, we fought and i give alot stupid reason on why i wrote such an awful journal and so... our bestfren ends there.but after that, i did say sry to her on9 but she didn accept it. saying " sorry is no cure! how can ur lilttle sry can repair my heart" and my bro say that is so childish of her. i kinda agree with him..but i didn't know that i hurt her that extreme or she simply just too stubborn.

so the next few days, she called me several times to chat or hang out abit coz Bety went overseas to study for a year. i was kinda happy that we could talk again eventhough she is still dating with the 2 guys. but...wen Bety returns, i feel like not wanting to call Aki to chat anymore since now she stick to Bety like glue and her other 2 guys.but i always see Aki treat the guy i like not too lovingly anymore but maybe he did something to made her angry or something else. but i culdn't budge in coz the guy may still love her and some more i barely know him much.so i try to distant myself. im not sure isit okie to msg him how is he lately...
coz i don't want to betray Aki again.and really missed Aki as my bestfren. sigh...i don't know wat to do~!! >.<' i have no sis to turn to or other frens~ coz most of them will give a disappointing answer such as "eer..leave this to god la.pray hard that ur fren forgive u la." or " aiya, ppl like them no need to care la, just go find other fren la" that is true..but i don't seem to find fit in anywer or even praying so hard won't solve the problem.. T.T sob* sob*

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Added on July 4, 2008, 4:43 pmbtw..how do i get feedbacks? i always have a extreme hard time knowing anybody replying me >.<'

I'm depressed. ):

when i'm depressed i will just keep quiet for the whole day, even others tork to me i will just keep silence.
cry when i am alone in the room and after awake from zz i will be fine.

hehehe... 

I raid the fridge.

WhEn I DePrEsS I CrY

cryin, o leave me alone  

i will eat M&M's 400gm a day....mayb eat for a week...then dont take lunch, dinner...

also will cry..will not let ppl know i cry...keep everything to myself only...

will not answer the calls / the persons reply sms'es who made me angry / argue with..if he calls then i will ask him wat he wants to talk...but surely i will cry when i talk to him..till i cant tahan then i will just say "i dowan talk to u ady" and close his phone...

will ignore him mayb 1 or 2 days...

its not weird...its gals nature kwa...mayb u guys loves hurting gals feeling that is y we r weird....

care it doesnt mean must HURT their feelings ma..
cannot sayang more?
tolerate more?

yayaya...sayang me more...

when guys hurt the gals feelings then they will say "sorry, i really dowan this thing to happen"....

ya..i felt the same..they love gals mad/merajuk at them...weird guys...

do gals looks cute when they get mad/merajuk??

ok fine..i am a gal but i dunno....hahahaha..another weird gal here...

im depressed..i duno if my bf reli want me as much as i want him..i've been crying for da past hour and hes asleep now..
i wana know..do guy tell his gf he love her but actualy dun mean it?
i feel that my bf dun care much bout he...when i confront him.he'l be angry and say i dun trust him and all...sumtimes i feel reli unhappy wit him but i jz cant tell him .im scared that he'l think im too sensitive and passive..

:'( im reli upset...sumtimes i wonder..if hes da one for me...
urm...im sorryif i did not answer ur question..but i jz need to tell sumone..i've got no one to talk to

im under depression now.

but i just keep my cool and not try to think bout it so much.
i cry in darkness or when im alone. i'll become silent as if i'm bisu.
did think of taking the knife n cut my neck but its stupid,not worth it. =\
also try to occupy myself with things to do to prevent myself fm thinking too much which actually could lead me to deeper depression.

Listening to  my mp3 with songs  (NOT LURVE SONGS) maybe lots of meaningfull lyrics , my favourite song such as 'No Games' from Breaking Benjamins, 'On MY Own' by 3 days grace and i mean PLAY THEM LOUD... scream at the top of lungs.. after 2-3 hours ...then i'll be ok ..maybe suffering sore throat only... but at least i'm feel relieved hahahahah   use to punch my toilet wall...erk painfull but also still can do release the pain......

hahahah heavy metal can do also but so much noise aaa.........sometimes i can't understand what they saying out loud.....
hhahahahaahahah nice tough... erm can  give suggestions songs that really 'rock me up' coz i'm feeling down nowdays......like ummmm missing someone

avenged sevenfold... quite ok..the lyrics somehow nice.. but maybe i more into staind.. lurve the lyrics lurve aaron lewis.. but nice tough.. really going to dig up some of their sound... hehehe....thanks    

smoke    haha

To be honest , i masturbated when i was depressed , it made me fun and horny