When I was born, my parents ran off and left me.  I was taken in by a woman who had schizophrenia, and a man who had mental problems, hair trigger violence, and no emotional empathy.  I was mentally and emotionally tortured for most of my childhood.  Beatings were sporadic and without warning.  At school, the other kids did not understand my behavior, and neither did the teachers.  As such I got attacks from them, rather than support.  My teenage life was 24 hour mental and physical bombardments, from home and from school.  I would cut my arms open with a dull knife or paperclip so the pain drowned out everything else.

By the time I was a young adult, I was on psychiatric medication.  I was so messed up, I was unable to sustain myself.  I moved from town to town, and could not understand why the world was this way.  Nothing seemed to make sense.  Needless to say, I couldn't hold a job; I was just not stable enough.  I got myself into several abusive relationships, because honestly, abuse was the only thing that seemed familiar to me.  It was all I understood.

I left America hoping to change things.  I just wanted this never ending nightmare to somehow stop.

A few months later, I had a complete, total, and utter mental break down.

It was during this time that I finally realized the ultimate truth of life; that no matter what happens to you, you can always decide what you'll do about it.  No one can change this.  Not God, not life, no one.  No matter what religion you're from, you're probably familiar with the "no interference with free will" rule.  This means You.  Always.  Decide.  And you always must choose.  No matter what.

It does not matter if I was abused.  I can let that defeat me, or I can let it strengthen me.    It doesn't matter what I face.  I can use the challenges and obstacles as excuses, or I can use them as training.  I can say "I'm scared, I cant", or I can say "I'm scared, I'll do it anyway".  Bravery is not the absence of fear; its action in the FACE *OF* FEAR!  It doesn't matter what's happening.  It matters what you THINK about what is happening.  You can change your thoughts.  You can change yourself.  You can control yourself, and it is ultimately you who decides to either give up or quit going.

I stopped having sympathy for the down trodden.  You DECIDE to be down trodden.  I stopped having sympathy for drug addicts.  You DECIDE to be a drug addict.  I stopped having sympathy for everyone... including myself.  Rarely is there ever a victim.  Most people walk around dressed up as victims, because it's easier than taking responsibility and deciding to change.

Now you can understand my posts on the Jobs and Careers forum.  It doesn't matter what you've been through, because what you've been through cannot decide who you are.  Only you can decide who you are.  What matters is what you're doing now.

You can decide to commit suicide, but you don't know that tomorrow you could win the lottery, meet the girl of your dreams, get the job you always wanted - every passing second is a chance for something to happen, if you can just grit your teeth, clinch your fist, and get through another day.

And while you can decide your actions, you cannot decide the consequences of your actions.  The people around you can be very seriously hurt by your loss, and that's something they do not deserve.  There have been people who have given up everything so that you can live.  They don't deserve this either.  They died for you, so live for them.