Kinda hated this guy now coz never really committed to be with my best friend...
After 12 years together my best friend is almost 35+yrs old...
I feel like he kinda wasted her time and youth...
My best friend confided to me that she wanted to remain single for life now..
I know deep down she is hurt and trying to be strong ...
Feel like punching him right in the face !!!

go n smash him face like HULK...btw wat is the reason anyway..

her picture?

Wow. 12 years together. 35 years old Liao still no plan marry (previously)?

Wtf

drillz?

Reason for the break up is the guy not ready to commit ...
And still havent bought a house is also one of the reason...
Guy keep insisting buy a house before settling down...
Didnt have the courage to punch him though...

I think it's disgusting how men label and women continue to believe the expiry date at 30 years of age bullshit. just because she's 35, it really shouldn't mean that she can never meet another guy.

for the record, I rather he ran now than marry your friend out of obligation and not feelings because that marriage wouldn't last. "better to be divorced than never married" is complete bullshit.

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Aug 12 2012, 11:26 PM

There are even situations of 20 years marriage, with kids, suddenly break-ups.

Relationships require many things; maturity, understanding, give-n-take of both sides, etc etc.

Break-ups are not the world's end.

Easier said than done...
10yrs or 20yrs is not 10 or 20 days... not to mention the youth that has gone wasted...
but i admire the courage of those who dare to break up/divorced when feeling is not really there anymore..
not to mention the 2 cases i ve experience where the women with kids dare not divorce even found out husband having extra marital affairs..
for the sake of the kids, togetherness and family reputation...
WOMEN do really suffers in silence !!!

you talk as if women don't cheat. women cheat too, almost as much as men.

only if they let themselves.
please don't make women out to be self-sacrificing martyrs when they let themselves stay in such situations.

lol... i saw yesterday paper's about abused husbands ;D

You think the guy must marry out of obligation? 12 years they in relationship they were happy right. So for 12 years they made each other happy. That's the point. Now find someone else la if not happy any more.

And judging by your post, she dumped him, meaning he was still ready to keep her happy. Just not in the financial position to marry.

This post has been edited by JohnDoe93: Aug 14 2012, 12:46 PM

QUOTE(galkelly @ Aug 12 2012, 02:50 PM)
not to mention the 2 cases i ve experience where the women with kids dare not divorce even found out husband having extra marital affairs..
for the sake of the kids, togetherness and family reputation...
you talk as if women don't cheat. women cheat too, almost as much as men.

QUOTE(galkelly @ Aug 12 2012, 02:50 PM)
WOMEN do really suffers in silence !!!

only if they let themselves.
please don't make women out to be self-sacrificing martyrs when they let themselves stay in such situations.[QUOTE]





WOMEN CHEATS ALMOST AS MUCH AS MEN???????

MAN dont have HEART??... not to mention BRAINS !!!
When there is no heart, the brain doesnt matter really !!!!

Yes, they do. Almost as much, if not equally as frequently as men.

You think all women have brains and men have none? Please, I've met as many stupid women as I have met stupid men.
You cannot only follow your heart without using your brain, otherwise you are just ... stupid.

Brains always matter - if you don't think about what you're doing, then you are an idiot.

Based on this user's observation, it has also occurred to me that your friend may have been the one who dumped the guy, citing that he was "not ready to commit".
If this is true, then:
What part of 12 years together wasn't a commitment? She wanted to get married just so she can say she got married? Just so she can have an expensive wedding to show off?

You do not need to marry someone to show that you are committed. Nobody is ever obligated to marry anybody.

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Aug 14 2012, 05:25 AM

That is one way of seeing things.

But I gotta agree that most of the time, men are the culprit.

Couldn't have put it better.

Always perceived as the weaker gender when it isn't necessarily so.

Toughen up! You're only as good as you think you are.

This applies across the board, across genders, across race and age.

Why must it be the man who must buy property?
Sharing cannot?
If she has plan to get married, they must make decisions together and help each other. It is not easy to buy a property nowadays, especially in Klang Valley. A lot of people got married using parents' money.
It is good enough if they can use their own money.

I think is excuses only....house got cheap got expensive...unless he aim for bungalow then wait whole life la...

Wow, 12 years... how many 12 years do we have?? That's why it's important to plan & clarify expectations with your partner....

But it takes 2 hands to clap also...

but how is 12 years not a commitment?
being married only gives you legal benefits, it does nothing to change an already stable, loving relationship and it does nothing to fix an unhealthy relationship.

It seems to me like an uncommunicative, immature relationship where expectations are not relayed clearly. I also tend to think the TS posted for the sake of posting without much elaboration or articulation, not mentioning clarity of purpose. Another time waster.

I think you may have misunderstood me. I do think that it takes a great deal of commitment to be in a relationship for 12 years, hence my " how many 12years do we have" meant that we don't really have that many 12 years.

I also think that you may have forgotten something. Some people get married to have family and kid(s). By clarifying that with your partner, at least you have a common understanding of what the future lies ahead. We can't be just living the moment all the time.

Marriage is not a quick fix for something that is already broken, but by not having a plan for that may be a deal breaker for some.

Very well said !!!

I agree with you, and yes I initially misunderstood your meaning.

that being said, I agree with leo-chan's comment. This thread is a waste of time and was posted merely in the hopes that everybody will flame the guy who ran. Sorry, I have no sympathy for women who sit around waiting for something to happen and then get upset when nothing does. If your friend had wanted to get married, she should have made it clear.

I completely agree. I just don't understand some people who want to get married so quickly (with no planning to have kids anytime soon). There are other ways to show commitment and marriage is just a piece of paper so that we can legally do some stuff in this country, e.g. have kids.

TS, has your friend ever make any initiative in looking for a house to purchase that is within their budgets? Was she willing to chip in to buy a house together with him last time? Did she make it clear to him that she wanted to start a family? I don't see any reason to be in a hurry to get married if one doesn't intend to have kids.

And yes, women do cheat. It's very immature to say that men are usually the one to cheat. You seldom hear men whining about it cause they society doesn't encourage men to express their feelings the way women do.

Down syndrome births in the United States from 1989 to 2001. Egan JF - Am J Obstet Gynecol - 01-SEP-2004; 191(3): 1044-8.

Maternal Age Related Risks

Mom's Age Risk for trisomy 21 (Down syndrome) Risk for all triomies
20 1 in 1,667 1 in 526
21 1 in 1,429 1 in 526
22 1 in 1,429 1 in 500
23 1 in 1,429 1 in 500
24 1 in 1,250 1 in 476
25 1 in 1,250 1 in 476
26 1 in 1,176 1 in 476
27 1 in 1,111 1 in 455
28 1 in 1,053 1 in 435
29 1 in 1,000 1 in 417
30 1 in 952 1 in 384
31 1 in 909 1 in 384
32 1 in 769 1 in 323
33 1 in 625 1 in 286
34 1 in 500 1 in 238
35 1 in 385 1 in 192
36 1 in 294 1 in 156
37 1 in 227 1 in 127
38 1 in 175 1 in 102
39 1 in 137 1 in 83
40 1 in 106 1 in 66
41 1 in 82 1 in 53
42 1 in 64 1 in 42
43 1 in 50 1 in 33
44 1 in 38 1 in 26
45 1 in 30 1 in 21
46 1 in 23 1 in 16
47 1 in 18 1 in 13
48 1 in 14 1 in 10
49 1 in 11 1 in 8

Data is 11 years out of date. Also, women can have children up till 40. After that, I agree the risks are much much higher.

Risks of having down syndrome children after age of 40 is of course higher but there's still hope of having wonderful kids.

I know many women above 40 who had normal wonderful even genius children. My own mother had my lil bro born when she was 47. Even I was born when my mother was over the age of 35.

TS, I don't think I'll have much respect for women like you, and you're kinda naive to think that the guy is the only one we should blame. And I agree with what most of the forummers said.

I don't understand what is there to be upset about. Lost of youth? Your best friend (or is it actually you?) is the one who placed such limitation on herself. A woman becomes unattractive only because she allows herself to be, not because she turns 30. By thinking that women have an expiry date at age 30, that's shallow mindset, but it shouldn't stop a woman from thinking that she no longer has any value. As a woman, don't you find it degrading to be having such mindset?

And that leads on to another question. You think that a woman should snap up a guy to marry before 30, because she will lose her youth right after, as if her youth is the only value she can add to the relationship. If that's the case, don't you think every sane man would wanna avoid getting married with you? Because you can't give anything else besides youth and beauty, and worse, because you have the mindset that it's "for a limited time only". Which guy would be so stupid to invest in something with diminishing value? As a woman, you gotta have value other than youth and beauty to sustain the relationship, and it shouldn't be something that diminishes with age.

And I agree that marriage shouldn't be something you do to fix a broken relationship. It's only a license to raise a family legally. The foundation of a marriage is a solid committed relationship, never the other way round.

If getting married is important to you, you should voice it up. And if it doesn't happen, you shouldn't be blaming the guy. Your future is your own responsibility, don't blame others for the limitations you set on yourself or the decisions you make. Take responsibility, and move on. Learn and do the things for your own better future.

Do u know the reason for breakup? Sometimes they have really valid reasons. WHen love is not there anymore u cant force it.

It may be better for your friend to breakup than go on wif the problem there.

Not only your friend but many couples with very long relationship myabe more than 10 yrs to breakup due to many reasons

Thousands years back, humans lived beyond 100 years of age. Though modernization in medicine and various aspects improved quality of life but we cannot deny the stress our human bodies have to additionally deal with due to technological growth. My message is or rather a personal opinion that does not necessarily have to be heeded is that don't go against the odds. Marry and bear children young if you have a choice. It's an awful feeling when your unborn in the womb is diagnosed and positive of this syndrome what more when it's made its way into this world. I won't know if I might fall in love with a woman who's past her prime but given a choice for the sake of the quality of my family's bloodline I would be selective in this sense.

you marry person becos of fertility? dun get married den.

Well, that's not for you to say about whose fault or whose to be blamed in people's relationship.
Be it 12 years or 12 months, that's for the two person to work it out, no one is in any position to give any comment on whichever party's personality or attitude or whatever problem

Well, if she's hurt then she's hurt, she will be strong if she wants to be

I'd have to say it's not completely the guy's fault. Your friend is at as much a fault too. If she is waiting for him to pop the question, and he is not ready, means she's not his type of wife material.

sad to hear that. The man so heartless...><

can get married already, 10 years...omg

i feel her, dont say 10 yrs.. ive been in a four years relationship and it ends a bad way. until now its hard to forget

hope ur friend is ok

---

Added on August 28, 2012, 4:46 pmvery well said! got to learn alot from your words

This post has been edited by ViLenG: Aug 28 2012, 04:46 PM

TS. at least can i know whom suggested to break?
the bf or your fren.just for my curiousity.

12 years is not a short time. Both should understand each other very well and deep enough. The questions only how much tolerant can both take before reaching the breaking point. Both should already know the problems just that how long she/he will hold before they will have the courage to let go. Since decision is make than I salute her strong will in making the right choice rather than keep dragging on.

Actually if it is a long distance relationship then chances will be very high!
I have heard this few cases around my friends.

Both parties must have mutual understanding!

If your friend think its kinda waste of time, why being with him?..the point just to get married isnt it ? rather than spending the quality time together, share everything, and luv....if just want to get married better find any other guy who in the same boat...wht if u married and ur husband die..is it kinda waste of time?....

"Guy keep insisting buy a house before settling down..."

Commitment phobe. My dad has a friend who has the exact same persona(and excuses) he is now 43, unmarried, childless and piggybacks peoples happiness and my parents lady friend is forever dangling on a free wire(unable to date other men and yet still very much inlove with him- her dumb choice). Trust me, these kinds of men- you dump first. Your friend should've made the smart move. Pity her though ;( all you can do is lend her your support or maybe matchmake her(but this would always turn out awry) so it's best if you just comfort her through this difficult time.

Love is the cure for everything and it comes unexpectedly. Who knows? Maybe tommorow, she'll find the right guy

Alot of people are saying, don't need to marry to be together. Equal rights for both men and women. Bla, bla, bla. That is all bull####

We live in a country where such things do not exist.

Women have to take into account, religion, parents, family members, legal rights. If she has a child without marrying him then eventhough her close family members and friends would not care, if her children were to grow up they would be asking them questions and they're kids friends will be asking them questions. And they wouldn't have an answer.

This post has been edited by Dristina: Sep 6 2012, 09:46 PM

it's only people like you who insist that "such things do not exist" that you perpetuate the mentality of "such things do not exist" such that it WILL never exist due to YOUR own doing.

---

Added on September 6, 2012, 9:57 pmchildren will ask, and parents should explain. after that, apa masalah?

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Sep 6 2012, 09:57 PM

I feel like this is a personal attack. I'm saying that such things do not exist in THIS country because that is how MOST people THINK. If there really is balance, for example, why do women expose themselves in little clothing and men cover up every inch of their skin? Where is the fairness in that? I am all for Gender Equality. Heck, I even go volunteer for these kinds of things. I respect you as a senior member but why do you judge people before you let them finish their sentences?

Explain and then what? At the end of the day, the child will be bullied because he/she is a product of wedlock(which is highly frowned upon here) whatever religion or race they may come from. Society will force the parents to move out of the country or let the child suffer the consequences but really what kind of cruel parents would tolerate that?

This post has been edited by Dristina: Sep 6 2012, 10:37 PM

but that's exactly my point! MOST people still think this way because they're still insisting, like you are, that it's NOT possible in THIS country. Who cares what country you're in? If you insist it cannot be, then you're not going to do a thing to change that!

that a child would be bullied by other children because it is illegitimate would be because the other children's parents TOLD their children that such things are to be frowned upon and to be emphasized and made fun of. you're not f***ing serious, are you, that such things would warrant the single mom/dad and child to be forced out of the country?

Good lord, you didn't finish your sentences? then why was it, that in the few minutes I spent meticulously reading your previous post, that nothing about it was edited?
By the way, please don't use "senior member" as a title of respect because I really couldn't care less about it

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Sep 6 2012, 10:54 PM

aiyah, 35 only what !
so many young guys outside prefer to get more mature ladies now ....

young young mui muis nowadays getting abit too demanding and unrealistic

i second spunkberry. i would have argued the same thing lol. and yes. nowadays young ladies are unrealistic because they watched all these movies and dramas and expect one in real life. i myself got a more mature and older (juz by a bit ) girlfriend. 35 still young

dam agreed man...wonder where is our dear TS now???jump down 14th floor

Pic of ur friend ... Its unfair u wanna blame the guy ! 12 yrs ago ur friend may be a hot cake but after 12 yrs she prolly turned into a fungy. Just because she committed 12 yrs u wanna the guy suffer the rest of his life ?

---

Added on September 7, 2012, 9:01 amEspecially younger guys like me ... I always wanted to score matured women that will pay for my meals etc.

This post has been edited by akidos: Sep 7 2012, 09:01 AM

How is not buying a house commitment phobic these days?? Nothing wrong in getting one after settling down if he doesn't need one now.

Anything else you want to say?
You definitely don't frequent cupid corner to come up with that statement.


http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=...8280&sec=nation

Survey: M’sian women among most unfaithful

MALAYSIAN women often cheat on their mates, according to a survey that listed them among the most unfaithful lovers in the world.

Some 39% of Malaysian women confessed that they cheated on their partners in the poll which covered 29,000 women in 36 countries, Kosmo! Ahad reported.

The Malaysian women came third behind Ghana (62%) and Thailand (59%) in the worldwide survey carried out by condom producer Durex.

In fourth and fifth place were Russia (33%) and Singapore (19%) respectively.

Among couples cheating on each other, Malaysia trailed behind South Korea and chart-topper Thailand.

The same survey placed men from Singapore and Hong Kong as being the most promiscuous in Asia, with an average of 16 bed partners in their lifetime.

Malaysian men, the survey revealed, have sexual relations with an average of three women on a casual basis.

haha interesting news there

mana tau one day she meet someone and date him,
pakkk!suddenly get married after 1 or 2 yrs dating him..
anything can be possible