Hi. I used to be diagnosed with Bipolar II, and now it's been revised to Schizoaffective (Schizophrenia with a mood disorder present). I didn't manage to read the whole thread (I'm dyslexic, sorry), but I was diagnosed at the same age at you, 20 years old. Now I'm 27 and still on medication since 7 years ago.

There's a support group on WhatsApp called Fire and Ice where bipolars unite. Unfortunately I've exited the group due to some personal conflict, but if you would like to know more, just PM me.

If you really cannot tahan to the point suicide has been an option (which seems like the case), do visit the Emergency unit. They will prioritise your case. I know it's easier said than done, but trust me, they will take care of you.

Are you having a manic or a depressed episode currently? Or mixed?