I shared my progress with friends and we all agreed that reno is the root of home quarrel. All have more or less the same story. Amazingly, all come to a conclusion, delegate responsibility. Wife handles the kitchen, man takes care of everything except kitchen.

Give her the free hand to how she WANTS her kitchen to be. That way, you reduce the unnecessary friction and argument. And that also will not mean you will have the peace of mind.

I, myself have had a fare bit of grumble and unhappy the things go. The reno taken up so much of my time and I do have my own biz to run too. Trouble with Indon contractors, house design, old and worn off parts that could not find replacement and etc. My legs were sour for standing long hours to supervise contractors. My wife does not care much and I told her off that I will make all decisions pertaining to all building material, color, furniture and fittings. Boy! What is a waste of time. I got to take her to decide on building materials. Double work.

And my wife did not bother to research ID. Working women want maintenance free things. Best if all furniture and fittings do not require care. Plastic!

So, she wanted blind instead curtain. My anger shoot over the roof that she does not take the initiative getting the curtain. Talk about today working woman!

The price of the blind for whole house came up to RM3k, roller blind. I thought it does not present good value. Blind as good as it may be, it is plasticky. So, I went shop for curtain. O man! A man shopping for curtain. That is odd, isn't it? I chat with the curtain boss, she told me that nowadays more men shopping for curtain. Man! It fueled further. What today women want? Zero responsibility.

I do not like sitting on things. Ok! I went on to decide on type and fabric for the curtain and waiting for a fight! Anyway my fashion taste is better than hers because she only visit the house less than 3 times. The last time she visit was the house is 95% finished. She did not say a word but showed a satisfied facial expression.

So, I wonder if others have similar encounter.

This post has been edited by limch: May 13 2011, 10:21 PM

I dont have any problem at all.... why? I let my wife choose colour, shape, etc

save headache, energy

Argument is good if it end with an conclusion.

Lim, agreed with you...especially when choicing the colou of tiles at Kitchen, and she want the floor to have black tile to prevent easy view of dist and dirty...but I disagreed as I will like Light colour not Black...
Endup &^*^%**(

Look like I still have next few days to disagreed and argurment...

NO for me, i decide everything include layout/ tiles/paint/ sanitary fitting/ grill design.....and deliver the empty house to her from there she choose the furniture/soft furnishings/ decor to match ...

U all are bless at least have a wife to quarel. I am a single mother and doing my reno all BY MYSELF. I have to decide everything by myself and sometime i am quite blur especially i dont know anything abt construction. Luckily i have an honest contractor and i trust him that he wont cheat me cos my previous house reno done by him too. But sometimes i need to look at his face color if i need to change design. If he is good mod, everything ok no extra charges. If he is bad mod (maybe quarel with wife) everything not ok if not tambah money. Recently i just cheated by a skylight company and they did my skylight wrong and looks very very very ugly. I dont know how to fight with him and end up i paid him 1k to get rid of him and ask him to take back the ugly skylight. I console myself that the 1k i had used it for donation and my heart wont be that sakit loh. I have a son age 15 and i let him chose the design for his bedroom, study room and bathroom. He is happy and sometime we have diagreement on other things but i told him i have the final decision right as i am paying for it!

Most of my customers are wives. Surprisingly, the wives could do all the preparation quite well, measurement, colour, design and etc all written & drawn in a book like an ID.

However, when a wife brings the husband along, 90% sure quarrel. Especially when deciding on the hood & hob. THe wife sure wants a good and expensive one like FOTILE but the husband would say "just get RUbine la RM 1k+ only". Then they start quarreling, at the end the wives will win as they will say "Now, who is doing the cooking? If u wan RUBINE, then u cook" ahhaha.

You should bring the his wive to the cheper equipment instead of expensive one...
You the trigger point
hahahaha

This post has been edited by Jo_da48: May 14 2011, 08:44 AM

My recent kitchen reno...it was I who made all the decision. Measured the first measurement to bring over to the kitchen contractor...choosing the colour...and choosing the hob & oven. I did ask my hubby on his views but at the end of the day..he said that it's my kitchen. ..though he does the cooking too.

sometimes there are good husbands like Rinyuu and phythia79's husband. Rinyuu asked his wife, "yang mana u suka" the wife sure select the nice and expensive 1, then he says "ok la suka hati u". At first he bought an ELBA hood at warehouse sale (very cheap) then bought a FOTILE hob from me. When they are about to install their Kitchen Cabinet, the wife says 1 ELba and 1 FOTILE do not look good, so he bought another FOTILE hood from me. What a nice husband.

Sometimes must take and give a little, husband let wife decide on the stuff in their territory (Kitchen) then husband got to decide what water pump to use, what toilet bowl or basin to get and etc.

This post has been edited by zheilwane: May 14 2011, 10:30 AM

heehhe...well..if toilet bowl or basin..i also will be the one to decide too but of coz..i'll always take into consideration my hubby's comments.

I'm rather surprise that some women came to this forum to seek recommendations and advice. My wife will leave everything to me even the kitchen layout, utensil and etc and later complain. She would at least try a bit to lighten my burden, but I did not see it coming.

---

Added on May 14, 2011, 8:17 pmHands on, you learn and you be strong. You stop learning, you will be dependent on others. I'm not in construction but I refused to sit there and doing nothing. That's me.

This post has been edited by limch: May 14 2011, 08:17 PM

Now, my wife a got big kitchen but it remained as show piece. This is dry area [attachmentid=2214106]. This is wet area.

Careful when you use black tile on your kitchen area, it will look small. You want a timeless design, wouldn't you.

This post has been edited by limch: May 14 2011, 08:36 PM


Attached thumbnail(s)

I received an email trying to sell insurance to me. I hope those insurance agen stop doing this again as this is the forum for us to discuss and exchange opinion and to know where we can get good stuff.

I agree with limch, the worst part i felt is when they don't know what they want and yet could not agree with your decision. That really frustrates me.

While i was doing my kitchen renovation, i asked my wife what design she wants, colors, cooking equipments etc, and she is clueless. Not even bothered to find out more from friends or online and let me do all the research.

When i have decided on the design and colors, she said this and that not nice but when asked to decide, cannot do so because don't know what she herself wants and that is trigger point.

At the end, i just decided on everything because wasting time on waiting for her to decide on what she wants and wait for the fight.

lolz..... today i went did some "shopping" @ the shah alam home fair..... guess wat the sales person told me..... "nowadays more guys are doing the shopping for the house instead of the gals...." lolz

Exactly what I have encountered with my wife. Clueless! I took the troubles to research and seeking advice, go ahead with the design. White is safe.

You get frustrated sometimes. That why when guys chatting on reno, the guys stood up and could not agree more. They have had a similar experience shifting new house. They told me let the wife choose color and kitchen related things or not, her lips will be forever sealed.

"nowadays more guys are doing the shopping for the house instead of the gals...." that what the curtain owner told me too. They have not idea how much load is reno.

ya..its like 95% of the work during reno is done by me..after reno those touch up all by me
recently want to repaint and refurbish, work and budget planning all by me.
but now i give her choice 1, 2, 3 to choose only.

fyi my kitchen floor is dark grey color, almost black. lol.

Yeah, I get upset too. The wife does not take much initiative to the extent of couldn't be bother. When the thing is already up, she have the gut the say upfront it is ugly, the husband got poor taste and all... and vent her frustration to every person she knows. The wife always reluctant to shop around looking for stuff and ideas. When she obliged, there will always be comments like wasting time, why is it take ages to reach the shop and so on. I think there's only 2-3 threads left before I snap.. yesterday I almost snapped..

I wasted RM1300++ on fans that I don't like and to know that she didn't like it that much either afterwards. She didn't like the fan that really liked.. but she settled with the other one that she thinks looked a little bit better but actually still ugly to her. I told her I can live with something that I don't like as long as she really like it, but now we both have to live with something that neither both of us liked. It was stupid. I got so pissed off that she started to give stupid justifications, like we can use for the childrens room etc.. (she's takut already..)..

Sorry.. I just need to let it out...

This post has been edited by rikiraikonnen: May 16 2011, 12:44 PM

I believe that the married couples that argued have totally different taste.

I do agree that some women (although i am a woman myself - not bad mouthing others) want to be SPOON-FED and then get upset when what she wants are not presented to her. You see, some of them expects the hubby to KNOW what they think but in reality, human beings can't read minds.

Who pays should hold the power to choose! But that's only me!

This is one of those situations when relationships are tested.
With so much money, time and effort to be given to make one's dream home.
Very stressful for us and our other half.

Important to give more and take less.

The process, however hard, will pass. With compromise and consolation, life gets back to normal.....until the next challenge.

as long they can make sammich, doing those is fine, but make sure they agree cos they will bring up next time in every arguements. (lol@women )

my wife let me me decide on everything and according to her i have better taste than her.....

"that's why you got me and i got you" Quoted the wife. Speechless.

My wife takes things for granted and I see some others the same too.

To those whose wife have given the power to choose and select, most will end up in a quarrel after reno is done. 99% guaranteed.

Could you believe it that my wife still expect me to do house work in the weekend after a long day at the reno site?

I thought it will be fair that I do the structural and electrical appliances and she manages the furnishings. Guess what! I got to do the furnishing too.
Budget overrun and now she wanted me to bring back those cartons that I packed to unpacked at the new house and bring home so that she could use! NOW, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT! :-(

The right solution is to get more cartons.

This post has been edited by limch: May 16 2011, 07:03 PM

Relationship problems, not renovation problems.

lolx..... turning like a ranting thread d...

male- practical, cost, and long term

female- taste and looks

thats what i can see

Oh man. Sympathy.

Your wife just wait in the car and look after the kids, no chance to quarrel also ekke but i do agree u got good taste

This post has been edited by zheilwane: May 16 2011, 10:33 PM

I agree with zheilwane..ryansia..you got good taste.

I'm rather surprised with all u men here that your wives don't interfere with the Reno process. All of my gfs are the type that makes the effort in research and comes to decision when it comes to Reno..especially the kitchen part.

Totally agree with you!!!

From design...to choosing furniture...all me only.

My wife-to-be...she said "I dun know these kind of stuff & i dun really have the interest!". "All i need to do is cook only mah, as long as the kitchen is ok, the bed is ok...then ok lor".

Went to home fair...she turn out sour face at end of day.

Man...all those surveying, researching, purchasing stuff...checking the house...all me.

& yes....those salesperson oso kind of curious why the man r doing all these instead of the lady. hahaha....

We bought and old and run down house, and did a complete reno.. extending the side the back, both floors, changed all the doors, redo the roof, the whole works.. and all this while, I was the one who did the research, plan the layout, etc. We engage an indo contractor to do the wet works and coordinated all the other subcons... even for the big move, I had to spend time to giv directions....

To save money, we did not engage any architect or ID, and I used excel to plan my layout, and downloaded some ID software to do 3D drawings so that my Indon contractor know what I want...

It was time consuming, and very stressful, becuz my husband did not take the same efforts to study our needs or research.. when I ask for opinion he will say, up to me... and then, when I am very fussy about certain things, and then he will tell me, chin chai lah... Decisions are made not based on needs, or aesthetics, but on cost.... When I assigned him the job to do paint choices, instead of driving around neigbhourhood to see real colours inn live exampe, he just collected a color chart..

Now that the reno is finished, I can at least get the satisfaction that, 95% of the work is my efforts and I have done a good job... I thank God, whle my husband did not participate, my sister was a great help to me helping me with site supervision, take me to select materials etc. Because of her, I saved a lot of money... My indon contract charged me RM120k all in, but the chinese contractor wld have charged me easily 200k....

I agree, when we do not hve teamwork, it usually means, we have a relational problem, or the other paartner just hve poor attitude.. I guess there are loads of ppl like that around, evn in office!!

Team work can mean different things to different people. Most of the times, you just need to find the one that works instead of insisting 50-50% work distribution! In my case, my renovation is 100% done by me. BTW, I went to HomeDec myself. My other half only make noise on the budget overrun as I am very fussy with everything and everything has to be good to top quality.

However, I am not complaining because she trusted my choice and decision. Similarly, I leave all the banking, travel Visa application (e.g. to JP) and tracking of our money and investiment to her. To me this is team work.

If you love her/him, you only can accept it because we can't change her/his attitude and mindset...

Everytime I suffered, I will tell myself, "this is your life"...

If other people can't give you happiness, why not you give urself happiness...?

What wise words!!!! Yeah, set your eyes on the glass that is half full and try to look for silver linings is the way to go. I ofthen remind myself to do just that so I can be happy and at peace. I suppse the benefit of being in charge is, you get to do waht u want whiever way u want!!

It is right to say that we cannot change another person. Howevr, how many of us are born with the gift to supervise renovation, find contractors, do space planning, do 3D drawing, or manage investment and money? How many house reno we do in a life time? While some learn to manage better and faster than others, I think it all boils down to attitude. My son recently resolved to lose some weight, and he has been waking up to run and exercise. My fren's daughter who wants to lose weight has been going to the gym consisstently.... My friend who is a good cook, will try and try and try, learn rcipes to cook up a storm for her family. Why are people motivated to go the extra mile, while others just throw their hands in the air and just say, "Accept me, I am like that!"?

This is not a perfect world, but I would say, when we do not participate meaningfully, or be a good team player, we may not be showing very good example to the kids....

I'm the final decision maker for our house renovation, though i still ask my wife for opinion. I am the one do all the resources and controlling our house renovation cost.

Initial we do have quarell as my wife want to hack a lot structure and want this & that, while we are intending to save cost because we get married and bought our house same year.

I think I'm among the group of "unlucky" guy that steps into your shop asking "which hob is better"
Have to go your shop for 2 times and at 3rd time, bring along my "boss", then only can dabao everything into my car.

I think guys have the responsibility to take care of everything, as told by my other half. It's ok for me, as long don't end up banding my ideas and efforts. I have been traveling for more than 1500km for the furniture, electrical appliances, switches, paints, bathroom and kitchen appliances, meeting with ID, comparing prices.... Banding 1 idea means a lot to me.... I'll blow off if she don't "handle with care"

You are quite lucky, got a good boss to help u make decisions. After all, end of the day the kitchen belongs to her, so need to listen to her demands also geh. Quite a good decision to get a double bowl instead of a single bowl as it would b more convenient for washing but that hurt ur wallet a little .

I like ur style, you decide things fast and very nice to chat with.

This post has been edited by zheilwane: May 24 2011, 12:13 AM

Can't believe people here still adhering to gender stereotypes - women supposed to look for ____, men supposed to do ___; men not supposed to look at ________ etc.

I am a guy and I have to look at everything in the house. Not a problem and I don't feel at all embarrassed or shy when I look at 'feminine elements' of the house like fabrics, cushions, plates or tea cups. This is 2011! Not 1983.